LaCara Biddles is a compassionate and driven individual who has dedicated her life to supporting mothers who have experienced the heartbreaking loss of a baby. After facing the devastating loss of her own daughter in 2020, LaCara became acutely aware of the lack of resources and support available for loss parents. She began by channeling her emotions into writing and publishing her book, Heavenly Seas. Inspired by the publication of her book, LaCara felt an overwhelming desire to expand her efforts and provide personalized support to fellow loss moms. Her compassionate approach helps loss moms carry the weight of their grief while also finding ways to honour and keep their baby's memory alive.
LaCara Biddles, Baby Loss Author & Coach
For readers who have yet to meet you, who is LaCara Biddles?
I spent much of my childhood enjoying the outdoors and participating in different activities. I remember camping trips with my family, annual community celebrations, exploring the valley and its mountains, and singing at the annual Focus on Youth production.
However, as I moved into adolescence, things began to change. I no longer found joy in the same activities. Then at sixteen, I decided to move away with my dad. Moving left me feeling more disconnected and alone than ever. At eighteen, I became engaged to a man I didn't want to marry and was utterly miserable with life.
How did I get here?
The answer was complex yet simple. I lost my self-worth, my self-confidence, and my zest for life. I stopped showing up and doing things for myself. It took a few years, but I managed to reclaim my confidence, recognize my worth, enroll in college, and obtain a Bachelor of Science in Nursing.
I ended my unhealthy relationship, returned to my hometown, and began rebuilding my life.
I started my career as a frontline nurse and worked in various units. However, I always felt like I wasn't in the right place and felt that "I need to do more." As a result, I decided to return to school, where I completed a diploma, a couple of certificates, and a master's degree.
I moved from frontline nurse to leadership and then to management. Even with advancing my education and career, I couldn't fill the void I was experiencing.
After a few years in management, I decided to start a family. My then-boyfriend and I bought our first home and discovered we were pregnant in January 2020. It began to feel like the universe was aligning, and I was right where I needed to be.
However, our story, like so many others, ended in heartbreak. We never got to take our daughter home from the hospital.
I thought that her death was going to break me. Though, it didn't; it destroyed me. It marked the end and the beginning. The end of who I was and the beginning of who I was to become. So, I began paving a new path and rebuilding my life again.
Can you share more about your daughter's death and how it brought you to where you are today?
On July 25, 2020, my life changed. I welcomed my daughter, Kailani Mary, into the world.
I said goodbye in the same breath that I said hello. Kailani died in my arms only 20 minutes after birth.
My daughter's death changed me to the core:
The future I envisioned was no longer possible; my plans abruptly changed. I lost my hopes and dreams for the future. I began to question my beliefs. The person looking back at me in the mirror was not the same. My optimistic view and excitement for life dissipated the moment she died.
Life changes when your baby dies.
As I grieved my daughter, I found few resources outside of medical textbooks speaking to the lived experience of infant loss. Kailani's death opened my eyes to the realities of baby loss and the gaps that exist within the pregnancy and infant loss community.
Even in the most immediate stages of my grief, my desire to help others remained strong. By the end of August, I began writing a book about the realities of baby loss and sharing my story. I hoped to help others feel less alone while keeping my daughter's memory alive. In October 2021, a month after my second daughter was born, Heavenly Seas was published.
As the months passed, I realized I had arrived at the place I'd been searching for throughout my nursing career. My passion, drive, and purpose are helping other moms process and navigate grief following pregnancy and infant loss.
My nursing background, combined with my lived experience of baby loss, provides me with a deep understanding of the realities grieving parents face. I have felt the weight of grief accompanying baby loss and the confusion and overwhelming emotions. The pain and experience of navigating life with the death of a baby are not unfamiliar, unlike other coaches, counsellors, and healthcare providers.
My story and lived experience allow me to truly understand, relate, and connect with individuals on a much deeper level.
What guidance might you offer to those currently navigating pregnancy or infant loss?
First, to anyone who knows the pain of baby loss, my heart is with you. I am sending so much love and comfort to you and your family. Please know you are not alone and do not need to go through this alone.
There is no one-size-fits-all approach to grief. Grief is an entirely individual and subjective experience. With that in mind, I do offer you these three pieces of guidance that have helped so many of my clients to process and move forward with grief:
Acknowledge your grief: I know it sucks. The pain of losing your baby is unbearable. The truth is, avoiding the pain does not make it go away. What we resist persists, as the saying goes. When we avoid the pain, our grief can intensify as it builds over time. Therefore, I invite you to acknowledge your grief and pain.
Permission to grieve: Permit yourself to grieve. When you create space that honours your grief, you allow yourself to process it. The pain that accompanies pregnancy and infant loss does not go away. It is with us every day. As said by Jamie Anderson, "It's all the love I want to give but cannot." By creating space for your grief, you are giving yourself control.
Allow yourself to feel it: For some, feelings can be overwhelming, scary, and unfamiliar. You may want to push them down and suppress them. However, I invite you to feel them because feeling is healing. If you need to scream, then scream. If you need to cry, then cry. If you need to throw something, I suggest throwing a plush toy against a wall or something that is not going to result in harm to yourself or others.
Your feelings are valid, and it is okay to name them, feel them, and release them. Many individuals have found support through different resources including groups, counselling, mentorship, or coaching services. Find what works for you.
How do you support your clients?
All my services are offered remotely and confidentially via telephone or video. Individuals who have endured pregnancy or baby loss are encouraged to schedule a complimentary session. These are an opportunity for us to get to know one another, create a connection, explore your goals, and determine if my services may be a good fit for you.
When working with me, you can expect a safe and welcoming space where you can speak openly about your experience and share your unique story without judgment. We will walk through your grief to help you navigate and process this new reality. Together we devise strategies and methods that allow you to carry the weight of your grief and create a space where sadness and joy coexist.
Grief is not something to overcome, though is a heaviness we carry.
What inspires you in the work that you do?
When I first began this journey, my inspiration came from my daughter Kailani. I wanted to make her proud and honour her life.
Though today, what inspires me is being able to help other parents keep their baby's memory alive. For some parents, the death of their baby has ignited this flame within and has pushed them to give back in so many incredible ways. The legacies that these babies have created are inspiring. Being able to see the beauty within the heartbreaking and life-altering experience is what drives me in this work.
What do you do when things get tough? How do you push forward?
As a loss mom, my daughter's death is with me every day. Some days my grief feels heavier than others. When it does, I acknowledge it and embrace it. I set time aside to grieve intentionally and let my feelings out. I then schedule activities that bring joy to my day or the following day.
I admit the work I do can feel heavy. As a result, I have a second business unrelated to baby loss that focuses on helping women feel beautiful and confident. The change in atmosphere between my two businesses has helped me maintain balance within my work life.
Overall, incorporating activities that allow me to experience the heaviness of my grief and the beauty of life strengthens my ability to move through the more challenging seasons.
Where do people find you, and how can they work with you?
To set up an introductory session or schedule one-to-one grief support, please email info@lacarabiddles.com or submit a consultation request via my website.
I would be so incredibly grateful if you grabbed a copy of my book, Heavenly Seas. You can grab it here or visit here.
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