A Therapist's Guide to Healing and Moving Forward After a Breakup
- Brainz Magazine
- 2 hours ago
- 5 min read
Dr. Zyer Beaty is a therapist, counselor educator, and advocate for intentional wellness. Zyer founded Dr. Z Therapy and Coaching, a private practice centering holistic wellness and psychoeducation. As a professor and former school counselor, her research in global education and mental health enriches her innovative work in the field.
Heartbreak can feel debilitating. It can knock the wind out of you in ways you didn’t expect. One moment, you’re making plans for the future; the next, you’re struggling to get out of bed, replaying conversations in your mind, and wondering what went wrong. You might find yourself questioning your worth, your ability to love and be loved, and even your sense of identity. But as painful as a breakup can be, it also holds the potential to transform, strengthen, and guide you back to yourself.
As a therapist, I’ve supported many clients through the process of heartbreak, and I can assure you: healing is possible. But it’s a journey one that requires time, intention, and self-compassion.
The psychology of love and loss
To understand the depth of heartbreak, we must first understand the psychology of love. Love isn't just an emotion; it's a complex neurobiological experience. When we fall in love, our brains release a powerful cocktail of chemicals, dopamine, oxytocin, and serotonin, creating feelings of pleasure, attachment, and trust. These chemicals reinforce the bond we form with a partner and make us feel safe and seen.
When a relationship ends, it’s not just the loss of the person; it’s the loss of that emotional safety, future dreams, physical intimacy, and shared identity. Our brain reacts similarly to withdrawal from a substance. Studies have shown that heartbreak activates the same areas of the brain associated with physical pain. So when you say it hurts, you’re not being dramatic; it truly does.
This is why heartbreak can trigger intense emotional responses like anxiety, depression, insomnia, or a loss of appetite. It’s not just about missing someone; it’s your body and mind recalibrating after a significant loss.
1. Allow yourself to feel
One of the most common things people try to do after a breakup is "move on" too quickly. We distract ourselves, jump into another relationship, or suppress our emotions. While temporary distractions can help us cope, real healing starts with permission to grieve.
Heartbreak is a form of grief. You’re mourning a person, a connection, and often, the life you imagined. Let yourself cry. Be angry. Feel the sadness without judgment. Avoiding pain only delays the healing process.
If you’re someone who struggles with vulnerability, journaling or talking to a therapist can be a helpful outlet. Sometimes we need a space to safely express what we can’t say out loud to friends or family.
2. Reclaim your narrative
After a breakup, it’s easy to internalize blame: Maybe if I had done more. Maybe I wasn’t enough. This is where self-compassion becomes critical.
Relationships are rarely one-sided. Yes, you may have made mistakes, but growth comes from reflection, not self-condemnation. A therapist can help you explore your relational patterns without shame. Were there unmet needs? Boundaries you compromised? Red flags you overlooked?
Use this time to get curious about your relationship history. Healing from heartbreak often means revisiting childhood wounds, attachment styles, and past experiences that shaped how you show up in love.
This is the messy, beautiful work of reclaiming your narrative not as a victim, but as someone learning to love more intentionally, starting with yourself.
3. Reconnect with self
When we’re in love, our identities often intertwine with our partner's. We create routines, habits, and even dreams around them. So when that relationship ends, it can feel like we’ve lost a part of ourselves.
This is your chance to come back to you.
What brings you joy outside of a relationship? What parts of yourself did you set aside for the sake of compromise? What do you want to rebuild, rediscover, or redefine?
Start small, take yourself on solo dates, revisit hobbies you once loved, and explore new passions. Surround yourself with people who affirm and support your growth. Healing happens in community, too, not just in solitude.
4. Practice emotional hygiene
Much like physical wounds, emotional wounds need care. This is what I call emotional hygiene, being mindful of the environments, people, and practices that either support or stall your healing. That means:
Limiting contact with your ex (even if it’s tempting to check their social media).
Creating space from mutual friends or environments that keep reopening the wound.
Being gentle with your inner critic and replacing it with affirming self-talk.
Establishing boundaries with well-meaning people who offer advice that doesn’t feel aligned.
Getting enough sleep, nourishing your body, and moving daily to release built-up tension.
You don’t have to do it all at once. Just focus on consistency over perfection.
5. Redefine love on your terms
Heartbreak can make us cynical about love. It can whisper things like, “Maybe I’m just not meant to be happy,” or “Love is too painful to try again.”
But here’s the truth: heartbreak doesn't mean you’re broken. It means you dared to love, to risk, to be vulnerable. And that’s brave.
Instead of closing your heart, use this experience to redefine what healthy love looks like for you. Write down the kind of relationship you desire. Not just traits in a partner but how you want to feel: safe, inspired, seen, respected.
The more clarity you gain about what love should feel like, the less likely you are to settle for less in the future.
Final thoughts: Healing is not linear
Some days you'll feel strong and grounded; other days, a song or memory will bring you to tears. That’s okay. Healing is not a straight line. Be patient with the process. You’re not meant to “get over” heartbreak; you’re meant to move through it.
Remember: this pain, as intense as it feels, is temporary. With time, support, and self-love, you will emerge on the other side not the same, but more whole, more aware, and more connected to who you truly are.
And when love finds you again, and it will, you’ll be ready to receive it in a way that honors both your heart and your healing.
Read more from Zyer Beaty
Zyer Beaty, PhD, LPC, Dr. Z Therapy and Coaching
Dr. Zyer Beaty, a therapist, counselor educator, and wellness advocate, founded Dr. Z Therapy and Coaching, a haven for holistic well-being and psychoeducation. Leveraging her roles as a current professor and former school counselor, Zyer blends innovative methods with insights from global education and mental health research. Specializing in assisting various demographics, she addresses issues like ADHD, depression, and life transitions. Her mission centers on guiding individuals towards authentic, unapologetic living. Dr. Zyer fosters an inclusive environment where everyone can uncover value and purpose in their journey, advocating holistic care and personal empowerment.
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