Written by: John Scott, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
I felt pretty good the other day until someone important to me said something that felt like judgment. The judgment hurt, and it took my energy away. I went to my home office and sat there feeling the day was off. I was ruminating on the unpleasant thoughts of being judged. Part of me surrendered to the judgment as if it was valid, and my aspirations for the day disappeared.
I made up a game a year ago when I had a similar feeling of being down on myself and have used it since when I needed to shift myself back to feeling good. A friend of mine likens this shift to cutting an old circuit before it overpowers the truth and the good.
Is this how I want to feel?
I had been walking along a trail that winds through dense woods, connecting my residential area with a large park. Despite feeling down on myself, a little inspired thought fought its way to the surface, encouraging a question about why I was feeling so low. Then this "observer" in me said, "Ok, you feel down. Why is that, and is the feeling legitimate?" And the better question that came next was, "Is this how you want to feel?
I reflected on the why and admitted I was tired, not having had a good sleep the last two nights. I had a project I was stuck on, and I didn't seem to have the creativity to finish it. I thought, "What else is true?" So, I started to list the projects and tasks I had completed in the last few days and realized all that good had been diminished in the face of one thing undone.
Just that shift to reflecting on the good made me feel better, which led me to consider things I was grateful for, like walking along the beautiful path in the middle of the city and getting several things done—a great family and good health. Gratitude added velocity to the intention to feel better. Then, an idea dropped in that was the answer to completing the project. I was so relieved I was now eager to get at it when I got home.
Notice. Name. Nurture. New.
That night as I reflected on the day, I paid more attention to the shift and what I had done. Then, the next day, I was thinking about what had happened and came up with this system:
Notice the feeling.
Practice noticing how we are feeling. We tend toward negative thoughts. Be alert.
Name the feeling.
I am sad, embarrassed, frustrated, weary, not myself.
Nurture the feelings or befriend ourselves:
What is the cause of feeling? What is the truth?
Take stock. It's easy to underestimate the effects of recent experiences. A friend was saying she was tired, feeling unmotivated, and being hard on herself for all that. When she took stock of her last six months of preparing for her wedding, getting married, and starting a new, senior job, her fatigue became legitimate and worthy of setting a weekend aside to restore herself.
Taking stock is about acknowledging, not denying, difficult things. Taking stock is about what has been happening, the truths, and using them as information rather than allowing ourselves to dwell in the suffering too long that no one deserves.
Whatever you would say to your best friend, say to yourself.
New choice or action.
Action is an antidote for feeling down.
It often takes some self-care and self-compassion, like a good night's sleep, to regain one's energy and sound perspective.
Once I was standing on the shore of Lake Huron on a calm day and noticed the water level had dropped enough that I could see some rocks that were under the water the day before. I was curious about what was going on and found a phenomenon in semi- or fully-enclosed bodies of water akin to a tide called a seiche.
A seiche is caused by strong winds or a rapid change in atmospheric pressure that pushes water from one end of the body of water to the other, like coffee sloshing around when the cup is suddenly disturbed. A few hours later, I returned to the beach and found the "missing" water had returned to the previous level.
Noticing our energy level can help keep it high.
This "sloshing around" can happen with our energy. For example, we can feel good with high aspirations. Then a rapid change or environmental trigger like an unexpected event, a comment, or an action from someone can sweep the energy away for what might feel like at the time, forever.
As I was going through this system after feeling judged and depressed, the "water level" flowed back, and I felt re-engaged, attended to essential tasks, and had a great workout at the end of the day.
Noticing is like being aware of our thought orientation: is it toward the light or the darkness, to energy creation or energy depletion?
Let's do ourselves a favour, be curious, notice our feelings, name them, and help ourselves shift to the good. We all deserve to spend more time in the good of life.
Be well,
John
John Scott, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
John worked in sales and leadership in the financial industry for 30 years. For part of that time, he experienced a great deal of stress and didn't know the way back. As a result, John's health and wellbeing suffered. Becoming burnt out was the stimulus to wake up with a determination to do his life differently.
John began a private journey to understand and overcome the negative stress he was experiencing. He found a formula for sustainable performance he now shares to help people move through common challenges to experience more great and less grind.
John has completed Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR, U. of Massachusetts), Foundations of Applied Mindfulness Meditation (U. of Toronto), and the Certificate in Applied Positive Psychology (CAPP, Flourishing Center, NY).
John's adventures include:
• Climbing Mount Kenya and Mount Kilimanjaro.
• Two dog sledding trips to the Canadian Arctic.
• Two record-breaking swim crossings Lake Ontario (51km)
• The first to swim from Christian Island to Collingwood, in Georgian Bay (32km).
John brings his experience in life, learning, and adventure to help people do life and work well through writing, speaking, and coaching.
