Written by: Marsha Parcou, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Growing up in the 1980s, in Seychelles, I must say, it was a blessing that I was not influenced nor peered pressured by social media. Being on an island, we had little access to technology and social media during that era.
"Don't use social media to impress people; use it to impact people." – Unknown
Going back to my childhood, if I remember correctly, my father bought our first TV when I was about 10 or 12 years old. During that time, we had only the local station which was the Seychelles Broadcasting Cooperation (SBC). It is worth mentioning that the TV channels and programs were limited and aired only on certain days and at certain times.
After school, I would go and play with my neighbor’s children. On the weekends, especially on Friday and Saturday evenings, my father and I would play monopoly, cards, or dominos at home. Sometimes we would hire DVDs and watch them but that was mainly during the school holidays.
Sunday in Seychelles was known as family day. So, on most Sundays, we would go to visit my parents' family or my father's friends and spend the day with them. During the school holidays, I was at home helping with the house chores. Although we had domestic helpers, we were taught at an early age how to do the house chores ourselves.
My point in writing all this is to show you what living in the 80s and 90s looked like growing up as a young girl on the island in contrast to today. I have been one who has witnessed the transformation of technology and social media during the 90s and 2000s.
In my days the 'Sony Walkman' was the toy and 'must have' for every teenager.
Digital technology has become so personal that many people cannot imagine living their lives without it. Digital youth did not inherit digital distractions but were born into them. We can all see small children of two years or even less who know how to operate a smartphone.
I always say If I have children, I would like them to be raised in an old-fashioned way. I believe that children should have the opportunity to discover and explore nature, engage in activities, and connect with other children of their ages. The positive effects of play on young children are far-reaching – influencing their mental, emotional, and physical health. Also, they learn about themselves and develop new skills that they need for study, work, and relationships.
How did social media impact affect me as a woman?
I opened my Instagram account in 2017. Honestly, I was not familiar with its functionality at that time. If my stepdaughter, did not talk to me through IG, I do not think I would have opened an account.
I started following accounts that interested me such as beauty, lifestyle, fashion, health, inspirational and motivational accounts. As with all new things, it created a feeling of excitement and an interest to post my photos and stories and show everyone what I was up to.
I got into the habit of taking photos of places that I visited while on holiday, taking photos on the beaches and islands. Also, I wanted to keep my feed prettier and get ‘more likes’ on my posts, especially after getting comments and compliments after posting the photos.
It was all good and fun, but the truth is, it put pressure on me to look a certain way. Little did I know and how naive I was that this could become a distracting addiction.
Certain accounts that I was following, especially the fitness models, influencers, and beauty accounts, looked perfect, which made me feel that I was not good enough. What do I mean? It is no secret that social media, with its style stars and perfectly toned fitness gurus, can hurt our self-esteem.
Those ladies have amazing physiques, they are in shape, their hair and make-up are on point, and they look like they have a perfect life. Although I know, and we all know, that a perfect life or a perfect person does not exist, we still compare ourselves to others. “I wish I had her body; I wish I had her hair type; I wish I was as lucky as her”, – to the extent that we would copy or imitate the other person by trying to dress like them, change our hair colour, go for cosmetic surgery, Botox, etc. Sound familiar? And, more significantly, can you relate?
As a result of what I was allowing myself to believe and perceive on social media, I would not post a photo of myself unless I liked the way I looked, which should be flawlessness! I was flattered by the likes and comments from others which made me create a lifestyle account and post photos of my lifestyle. Yet, dissatisfied when I got fewer likes – it made me wonder why my followers were not liking my posts?
To some degree, I was developing a habit of being on my phone all the time, watching people's stories and posts and always checking my notifications. I wasted a lot of time browsing social networks, I admit. This resulted in a loss of productivity.
From what I have experienced and seen over the past few years, social media has had more of a negative impact than a positive one, especially on young girls and women. We feel pressure to look perfect because we feel that we are not beautiful enough. The social comparisons which influence and feed on our self-belief, confidence and attitude make us emerge resentful and judgmental.
One thing I was certain of: I did not want to live my life comparing how I looked to other women. I wanted to be me, have my own identity, have own my style and be comfortable in my skin regardless of my flaws or insecurities. I knew that there is so much more to life than what we see on social media.
One thing I would like you to remember is that everything about you is beautifully unique. And you know what? You are good enough. While it is easier said than done – it is possible to admire what your friends have without feeling the need to put a dampener on your own life and ambitions.
Despite what society says – it is okay to love yourself. After all, when we feel good about ourselves, it radiates a certain positivity that is infectious, inspiring all of those around us to do the same. Sure, simply stopping the habit of self-comparison does not happen overnight – but if you can start living and accepting who you are, then you are already taking a big step forward.
Food for thought! Are you using social media to good use, or to your detriment?
Allow me to share some tips that I hope you can apply to your own life to create the life you deserve by beating social addictions and distractions.
The only person to whom you should compare yourself is… yourself! I know comparison will always be a struggle. But I can tell you this from experience: it is almost impossible to be satisfied with your own life if you are constantly looking at what someone else has. Keeping up with the Joneses should not be the motivation behind why you do anything – on social media or otherwise.
Social media does not always reflect reality. I know that you know this, but have you ever really thought about it? It is usually not the complete picture of someone's life – it is just the highlight reel. We are spending money and energy just to keep up with a life we think everyone else is living and we are missing out on actual life. And that is ruining not only our mental health but our financial security as well.
As we have been reflecting – comparison through social media can have a massive effect, especially on our mental well-being. I invite you to put some boundaries in place to protect yourself by:
Unfollow any accounts that tend to make you feel bad about yourself.
Set a timer and allow yourself to scroll for 30 minutes or so. When that time is up, step away from social media.
Turn off your phone when you are having dinner with your family and friends. Being fully present with them will make everyone happier.
If you are constantly distracted by the blessings of other people, it may be time to put some blinkers on for a while. I encourage you to shut off all the social networks. Spend that time and energy focusing on how much you truly have. Look at your family, your friends, your home, your job and all the things in your life that matter.
I have witnessed a disconnection between human beings. We just do not personally interact in the same ways as we used to. Conversations have become shorter.
I am at my coffee shop every day and I observe people, yet I am not judging anyone here. However, I notice friends and family sitting around the table, and no one is talking. Everyone is on their phone and the kids are on their tablets, with no exchange of words between parents and children.
So many times, in meetings, someone will pull out their phone and start checking their social media feed which I find it disrespectful! The greatest gift you can give your spouse, your child, your client or co-worker and your friend is the gift of the fullness of your attention.
I have also come to realize that people on social platforms no longer have respect for one another. They are writing things online that they would never say to another human being in person. Critics thrive while disagreements and controversy seem to get more views than simple acts of decency and humanity.
Yes, many, many people are well-mannered and kind and compassionate. But I just want to put a voice to the fact that I see a loss of something as technology and social media dominate our lives. Something simple. Something real. Something essential. We are losing the way we used to relate and communicate with each other.
I invite you to ponder on this: if you want to become successful, you must beat digital distraction. If you look at the great geniuses of the world, all great visionaries have one thing in common: they spent long periods away from interruptions and distractions and they did not waste time on unimportant things.
You certainly do not want to get to the end of your life regretting having lived the life society, technology and social media sold you, versus the life that you knew deep within you was meant for you.
Marsha Parcou, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Marsha Parcou is an entrepreneur, based in the Seychelles Islands, on a mission to empower corporate teams and employees to find confidence in themselves and maximize their wellness and productivity.
As the founder and figurehead of Fasinasyon, she runs a multi-faceted lifestyle brand that promotes a healthy and holistic approach to the body, mind, and soul through a range of services, from corporate and life coaching to beauty and skincare products. Accredited by the Health Coach Institute, USA, she coaches using International Coach Federation (ICF) tools and exercises whilst delivering her own unique framework for personal and team transformation.
Marsha is also an accomplished public speaker, she has been interviewed on SBC, Paradise FM and TeleSecel. She also recently held an event to celebrate the launch of her debut book 'Becoming A Famn Fasinasyon'.
Alongside her work within the wellness industry, she is also the co-founder and part owner of Chatterbox Café located at Eden Plaza, the famed first ever 'coffee shop' on Mahe Island, Seychelles. Previously to owning and operating her businesses, Marsha has 10 years’ experience in tourism marketing management having worked for Seychelles Tourism (then known as the Seychelles Tourism Board).
