Varma is a certified life coach whose mission is to help others become the best versions of themselves. His spiritual journey has led him to the understanding that lasting happiness cannot be attained from material pursuits but true fulfilment can only be found within.
With Christmas just around the corner, shopping malls are bustling with activity, and a cheerful spirit fills the air. It’s a time for family gatherings, festive dinners, and the joy of giving. In customary Trinidadian culture, the holiday table is graced with delightful treats like sorrel, punch de crème, and freshly baked homemade bread. You’ve got everything but that one missing thing... A hand by your side, someone to share those special memories with, that special person to buy the right gift for and pour out your heart of love to.
Some believe that luck isn’t on their side. They’ve been waiting years for that chance encounter at the grocery store, living through Hallmark movies, and, for some, feeling frustrated while sitting by and waiting. What if I told you that you have the power to attract someone who is the right fit for your life? No more waiting, no more hoping by taking actionable steps, you can invite the relationship you have always desired into your life. Intrigued? Well, continue reading.
Introduction
In recent times, there has been an increasing number of individuals who are single, coupled with a drastic rise in divorce rates and failed relationships, with many experiencing feelings of loneliness, despair, and discouragement. This trend raises important questions about the underlying factors contributing to this “single people” pandemic.
One major factor influencing our perception of relationships and self-worth is the rise of social media platforms like Instagram. While these platforms can offer positive connections, they have also conditioned society to focus on superficial qualities, leading to unrealistic standards and expectations in relationships.
Research published in Computers in Human Behavior found a significant link between social media usage and diminished marital quality. According to the study, individuals who abstain from social media report being 11 percent happier in their marriages compared to those who engage with these platforms regularly.
A toxic culture of comparison has become the norm. The trip to Greece, the fancy car, the latest academic accomplishment. While I am all for celebrating success, I urge you to introspect: how does this constant visual stimulus affect your mind? Subconsciously, it has caused many to become dissatisfied with themselves and their relationships, leaving them stuck in a perpetual loop of comparison.
Moreover, relationships often feel the strain of the belief that "the grass is always greener on the other side." This mindset pushes individuals to seek fulfillment beyond themselves, leading to a relentless pursuit of what appears to be better elsewhere. Such an outlook not only undermines the joy found in personal connections but also perpetuates a never-ending desire for something more, leaving many feeling unfulfilled and disconnected.
An old Hindu saying offers insight into the trap of always wanting more:
Desires are like fire, We try to quench them by satisfying them. This is as bad as trying to put out a fire by pouring ghee on it!
This is a call to return to the present moment and reconnect with your authentic self, a moment of being rather than doing, where true fulfillment and satisfaction lie within. How many things have you overlooked in the here and now? How many people have gone unnoticed? How much kindness and love have you inadvertently blocked? When we assign lesser value to certain individuals and fixate only on a select few, we inevitably miss out on the richness that life has to offer.
Life can so easily pass us by as we aim for a distant destination and ignore the beauty of the journey. Take a moment to connect with yourself. Look into the mirror and see beyond your physical appearance. Staring back at you is your soul; the beautiful essence of who you are, not just the ego-driven exterior. The outer self will never find true satisfaction or contentment, as pleasure and desire cannot be fulfilled through worldly experiences. Instead, I encourage you to turn your attention to what nourishes your soul.
If you’ve made it this far in my article, it’s a sign that a shift in perspective is starting to take place.
What is a soulmate?
The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines a soulmate as: “a close friend or romantic partner with whom one has a unique deep connection based on mutual understanding and acceptance.”
A word of caution: In no way should you find yourself engaging in toxic or unhealthy behavior under the notion that someone is your soulmate, your “one and only”. The focus must always be on cultivating a healthy relationship with oneself and others!
At a higher level of consciousness, the truth is that we are all connected. In ancient Hindu texts such as the Bhagavad Gita and Upanishads, it is revealed that from the oversoul (Paramatman), the individual soul (Atman) is born, always seeking to reunite with its original nature, akin to a drop of rain returning to the ocean.
From my personal experience, through deep meditation, I have come to understand that every soul is, in essence, a soulmate to me. I see no one as different.
That being said, however, as we navigate the human experience; a realm defined by duality, there are certain individuals who resonate with our unique energetic blueprints.
Have you ever felt an instant connection with someone, where the conversation flows effortlessly, easily lasting for hours? Perhaps you met someone in a random place and felt as if you had known them forever. Or maybe you gazed into someone’s eyes and sensed a familiarity that transcended time.
These are the individuals who fulfill the depth of connection you are desperately seeking, as opposed to superficial relationships that leave you feeling tired and drained. These connections arise from souls that share a similar energetic blueprint and have karmic roles to play in our destiny, leaving lasting impressions on our beings.
On a grander scale, we are all souls engaged in various roles that contribute to the evolution of individual consciousness, ultimately leading us back to unity with the Source. We meet some souls for a season, some for a reason, and others for a lifetime.
At the core of our being is the desire to love and to be loved. In this article, we will explore practical steps to align ourselves with the vibration of love, allowing us to attract wonderful and fulfilling relationships into our lives. Ready to begin attracting that special someone? Let’s go!
1. Remove the mask
Short story
Monday morning arrived like a soft sigh after a weekend’s rush. The alarm rang, waking Emma from her hazy dreams as she tried to hold on to the last moments of sleep. She blinked against the harsh light streaming through the window, disoriented and exhausted. A symphony of chaos played in her home, a sick parent coughed from the couch, and lingering tension from the family quarrel hung like a dark cloud overhead.
“Emma, I can’t find my medicine!” her ailing father shouted, his voice echoing through the house. She grabbed her phone, scanning work emails as she pulled on her jacket, the fabric cool against her skin. "Give me a few minutes," she muttered, swallowing her frustration like a bitter pill.
In the car, with the engine’s hum enveloping her, Emma put on her professional mask. She smoothed her hair, adjusted her blouse, and reminded herself, "You’ve got this." The familiar routine smothered the rising feelings of despair that gnawed at her. At the office, she moved through the halls like a seasoned actor, greeting colleagues with a bright smile and confident stride. “Good morning! How was your weekend?” she chirped, though her thoughts meandered listlessly to the chaos waiting at home.
Her coworkers saw only the poised version of Emma, the one who organized projects, led meetings, and effortlessly navigated workplace challenges. They marveled at how she juggled social life and career, unaware of the turmoil that brewed beneath her composed exterior.
By lunchtime, she met with friends at their favorite Starbucks, the aroma of coffee and the chatter of familiar voices wrapping around her like a warm blanket. “Carnival’s round the corner; have you picked outfits for the fete?” one friend asked, her eyes sparkling with excitement.
“Not yet, but I’m thinking of doing a Tobago,” Emma replied, her voice infused with enthusiasm as she flicked through Instagram, displaying the poolside villa she had in mind. Inside, however, the laughter felt hollow, drowned by a rising sense of loneliness. Each smile was a façade, each laugh a careful artifice meant to divert attention from the pounding weight in her heart.
As they discussed the details of their planned getaway, she sipped on her latte, masking her discontent with trivial plans for beach dresses and a pina colada. But with every suggestion thrown into the air, she felt increasingly like a ghost haunting her own life.
After the meeting, she drove back home, the vibrant chatter still reverberating in her ears, but it was dulled by the heavier reality looming upon her. The façade was slipping.
The moment she entered her house, she was met with the reality she had fled. Her dad lay bundled on the couch, and the echoes of the morning’s quarrel now felt like a distant memory. She could no longer ignore the tightness in her chest, the reflection staring back at her from the mirror no longer held the same confidence.
As she plopped down next to her father, he looked up with weary eyes, and she smiled, the practiced warmth spilling over for him. Beneath the surface, however, a deeper question arose: What if she stripped away the mask she wore? What if she embraced her yearning, her loneliness, and the tidy cracks that threatened her perfect image?
The answer was both terrifying and liberating.
As night fell, Emma took a deep breath and slipped into the small comforts of quietude. She wrapped a blanket around herself, leaving behind the duties of the day. Tomorrow, she would speak to someone, maybe a friend, maybe a therapist and begin to mend her tired soul. Perhaps the journey wouldn’t lead her to a sunlit poolside after all, but to an authentic joy that felt like coming home.
In time, she would realize that peeling off the layers of the ego was not a matter of losing herself, but of discovering who she could truly be; a tapestry woven with both strength and vulnerability. And in doing so, maybe her path would finally lead her to a place where loneliness dissipated, replaced by authentic connection and, ultimately, peace.
The false ego
Can you relate to Emma’s story in any way? We all can, because, to differing extents, many of us unconsciously wear a mask that we present to society. This façade, referred to as the "false ego," is the version of ourselves we project to gain acceptance from others. It’s the part of us defined by our jobs, the cars we drive, the houses we own, and even our physical appearances. Often, we are led to chase success through accomplishments and material possessions, losing sight of our true identity. A major problem here is that no one gets to truly know who we are behind that mask.
The true self
“You are a precious child of God, uniquely crafted with qualities and strengths that make you special in countless ways.” – Dr. V.B.S.
In Hindu philosophy, particularly in the teachings of Advaita Vedanta, the profound concept of Atman, or the true self, is emphasized. One sacred text, the Upanishads, famously states "Tat Tvam Asi," which translates to "That Thou Art." This phrase invites us to recognize our connection to the divine essence within ourselves.
Imagine your soul as a lamp covered by a shade; the light within you is pure and bright, representing your unique essence, while the shade symbolizes the layers of the false ego; negative experiences, doubts, and fears that obscure that light. Just as you must patiently remove the shade to allow the lamp to shine fully, so too must you peel away those layers to reconnect with your true self and let your light illuminate the world. As you learn to meditate and practice self-love, you’ll begin to live authentically and fully, celebrating the essence of who you truly are. Ultimately, this journey leads to a richer, more fulfilling life grounded in self-acceptance and genuine connection with yourself and others.
Exercise: Do you like to paint, dance, garden, or watch comedy movies?
Take the risk, express your interests, hobbies, and quirky side. However strange you may think it to be, someone may love you for it!
2. Hallmark movie perfect
In a world saturated with idealized portrayals of love, it’s easy to be caught in the enchantment of Hallmark movies. Sweeping romance, dramatic declarations, and picture-perfect endings play out on screen, luring us into the illusion that real-life relationships can and should mirror these stories. But reality tells a different tale, one woven with flaws, struggles, and moments that are far from cinematic perfection.
Often, to our disappointment, life doesn’t live up to the picture-perfect scenario we envision. Many women are presented with idyllic moments, like small-town Christmas fairs, pumpkin parades, and cozy afternoons in a local tea shop.
For the wise person, it’s essential to adjust our perspective on what a relationship truly entails. Love, in its raw form, often comes layered in complexities.
Short story
Consider Sarah, who sat on her couch, the flickering glow of the TV casting shadows on her tired face. The Hallmark movie had just concluded; endless laughter, romantic gestures, and jubilant celebrations filled her heart with longing. But reality had tangled her cheerful thoughts into a web of stress: the clutter in the living room, the bills mounting in the kitchen drawer, and her relationship with Tom, who was often distant, weighed heavily on her mind.
“Why can’t we be like that?” she pondered aloud, her heart yearning. The characters on screen seemed to navigate the highs and lows effortlessly, but Sarah could feel the drift between her and Tom growing each day, and the quiet moments became less about connection and more about routine.
When she turned off the TV and faced the reality of her life, a single question lingered: Could love encompass both joy and struggle? The answer began to unfurl slowly.
Sarah decided it was time for a change. With a sense of determination, she approached Tom one evening when both hearts were lighter than usual. “Can we talk about us?” she asked, her voice steady but carrying the tremor of vulnerability.
Tom looked up, surprised. “I’d like that.”
That evening, they peeled back the layers of their relationship, exposing fears and hopes that had long been hidden. They spoke about their daily struggles; the pressure of bills, the overwhelming responsibilities, and how, in feeling burdened, they had unintentionally pulled away from each other.
As they talked, the tension in the air began to lift, replaced by understanding. They acknowledged that their relationship needed work, but it also required compassion. Instead of running from discomfort, they realized that embracing it together could strengthen their bond.
From that day forward, they began turning those idyllic moments into reality, deliberately finding time for each other amid the chaos of life. They scheduled weekly date nights, where they sang and cooked together, and even shared mundane tasks, turning them into opportunities for laughter and connection. The overgrown lawn became a shared project, and those late-night financial discussions morphed into brainstorming sessions filled with creativity and teamwork.
Sarah found beauty in the imperfections, realizing that love was not about rehearsing a script where every moment was flawless, but rather about navigating the unpredictable landscape of life hand in hand.
In embracing the messiness, she began to see that love, far from being formulaic, was a dynamic journey that ebbed and flowed. Unlike the Hallmark narratives designed to create heartwarming illusions, Sarah discovered the authentic warmth that grows from facing challenges together, the shared glances during tireless evenings and the laughter that follows heartfelt conversations.
Ultimately, the more Sarah and Tom committed to breaking free from the confines of unrealistic portrayals, the more they built a partnership that felt richer and more rewarding. Relationships are complex and far from perfect, and that’s exactly where their depth and beauty lie. So, as we shift our gaze from the screen to reality, let us appreciate the variations of love that exist around us, ones that reflect community, support, forgiveness, and genuine connection, and embrace the fact that no relationship is Hallmark movie perfect.
Exercise: Reflect on a challenging time in your life and acknowledge the ways you overcame it. Consider how this experience helped shape your character, making you into the person you are today.
3. Be the chooser, not the chaser
To attract a soulmate, one of the most significant shifts you can make is moving from a needy, chasing mindset to becoming a chooser with an abundance mindset. When you genuinely recognize and embrace your worth and value, the energy of neediness dissipates. This newfound self-assurance frees you from the compulsive need to impress others or seek their approval. Instead, you can begin to focus on your strengths and align yourself with your true purpose in life.
Your sense of purpose doesn’t necessarily have to involve finding a new job; rather, it’s about understanding and embracing the higher perspective of what you do every day. For instance, think of a doctor who finds joy in the improved health of their patients, or a teacher who feels fulfilled when their students succeed. A businessman might cherish the happiness of customers satisfied with his product, while a skilled masonry worker contributes by creating the solid foundations of homes. An electrician brings light into families' lives, and a child savors the comfort of a mother’s homemade meal or the efficiency created by a secretary that enhances the flow of an office environment.
There are countless ways for us to contribute to society through our everyday roles. By changing your mindset about what may seem like a mundane job, you can begin to see the profound transformations that arise from even the simplest tasks. As you adopt this perspective, you’ll find yourself walking with a newfound pep in your step, buoyed by a confidence that radiates from within.
In Bhagavad Gita 6.5, Sri Krishna advises,
"Elevate yourself through the power of your mind, and do not degrade yourself, as the mind can be your best friend or your enemy."
Remember, no matter how small you perceive your contribution to society to be, the wheel of progress cannot spin without it. Your voice, your presence, and your unique skills truly matter. Embracing this truth empowers you to step into the role of a chooser, ultimately attracting the kind of love and connection you’ve been seeking.
Aaron Doughty, a well-known YouTuber, gives more insight on this concept in his video, How to Shift from Chasing to Attracting.
4. Open your heart chakra
The heart is a powerful center that radiates energy into the electromagnetic field of our bodies, a force often regarded as even more potent than that of the brain. Research from the HeartMath Institute highlights the significance of developing heart-brain coherence. Spiritually, the heart is known as the center of manifestation. According to renowned law of attraction teacher Abraham Hicks, if we can hold a specific thought for just 17 seconds, the manifestation process begins. By combining the power of your mind and heart, you can create significant changes in your physical reality and set the stage for your soulmate to enter your life.
Connecting to your heart’s desire
When you envision your special person by your side or imagine sharing a loving embrace, what feelings does that evoke in your heart? If you find a lack of emotion, this may indicate some blocks you need to address.
Common causes for a blocked heart chakra are holding onto past hurts and unforgiveness. Consider how much of the past you are still holding onto. Often, we may not realize that our bodies store our emotions and experiences. Every perceived hurt can become trapped in our subtle or astral bodies, contributing to both emotional and physical ailments.
Trust your gut
Have you ever felt discomfort in someone’s presence or in a certain environment that you overlooked? That feeling may be your intuition speaking. Intuition is connected to our feminine energy, while logic relates to our masculine side. Many of us have rationalized going along with situations that didn’t sit well with us, which speaks to the importance of nurturing our intuition. Striking a balance between intuition and logic can enhance our decision-making abilities and help us avoid unnecessary pain.
For those who might place their trust too quickly, it’s essential to remember this motto:
"Trust isn’t given; it is earned."
Before allowing emotions to sweep you away, consider my Stepwise Approach to Building Trust and Avoiding Being Hurt with the following analogy.
Building trust – A day at Maracas beach
Maracas Beach, one of the most famous and beloved shores in Trinidad and Tobago, captivates visitors with its breathtaking natural beauty, vibrant culture, and tasty local cuisine.
However, despite its allure, the beach's waves and currents can pose challenges for swimmers, requiring a cautious approach. The red flags often dotting the shoreline serve as crucial indicators of water currents, guiding swimmers to steer clear of potentially dangerous areas.
Now, imagine your journey in building relationships as akin to a day spent at Maracas Beach, one of my favorite spots. Each step you take reflects the careful considerations you’d make before plunging into the waves:
Assess conditions: Just as you'd evaluate the water's conditions; checking for currents, clarity, and safety, begin by observing potential "red flags" in relationships. Take note of behaviors, communication styles, and overall compatibility to ensure a stable foundation.
Proceed slowly: After your initial assessment, don’t rush in. Take your time getting to know the other person. This gradual approach allows you to gauge relationship dynamics and build comfort, much like wading into the water before taking the plunge.
Predict and assess: Engage in logical analysis of the relationship. Consider its positive potential and possible pitfalls, similar to calculating the risk of waves and tides. This will help you make informed decisions about how to move forward.
Reassess your position: Regularly check in with yourself as the relationship develops. Just as you would monitor the surf for changing conditions, evaluate your emotional safety. Ensure you’re not being pushed into uncomfortable territory and acknowledge any signs of distress.
Dive in confidently: Once you feel prepared and secure in your assessment, allow yourself to invest fully in the relationship. Trust your intuition and emotional competence, embracing the connection with confidence, as you would take a well-deserved leap into the ocean.
By adopting this stepwise approach, you can cultivate trust thoughtfully while safeguarding yourself from potential hurt, thereby laying a solid foundation for a lasting relationship grounded in safety and mutual respect.
Note: It’s essential to remember that although some individuals may have selfish intentions, countless selfless souls are also searching for genuine connections.
When your heart and mind work in harmony, you can love from a place of security and openness.
Exercise 1: Empowering yourself
To reinforce this empowered version of yourself, take a moment to journal about what your improved self looks and feels like. Imagine yourself as a wise soul, unfooled by mere appearances and seeing past the façade that often obscures the truth.
Exercise 2: Releasing past hurt
Place your hand over your heart and repeat: “I forgive and release any hurt from my heart. God knows who and what has caused me pain, and through His healing power, I am renewed, cleansed, and set free.”
As you say this, take a few deep breaths: inhale love, and exhale any hurt, stress, and anxiety. Trust in the process. With time and the embrace of universal love, you will heal, opening your heart chakra and creating space for the genuine connection that awaits you with your soulmate.
5. Know you are deserving of love
Understanding your worth is foundational to experiencing love fully. It’s important to recognize that you are worthy of love and affection just as you are, in the here and now.
Genesis 1:27 says, “So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.” Each of us bears the imprint of the Creator. Our inherent value comes from the fact that we are made in His image.
Reflect on what that means: You are not a mistake; you are handcrafted by God. You are valued, cherished, and loved deeply by your Creator.
In Psalm 139:14, David writes, “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” This acknowledgment of our beauty and uniqueness is the foundation of self-love.
Start by acknowledging your unique qualities and the value you bring to relationships. Embrace the idea that love is not something you have to earn; it is your birthright. By believing in your inherent worth, you create a powerful shift in your perspective.
Reflect on the frequency you’re sending out to the universe. How do you perceive yourself? Do you truly believe you are deserving of the love you desire?
Practicing Self-Love is key. Remember to treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would offer a close friend.
A must-read: My article on 8 Powerful Ways to Cultivate Self-Love.
Letting go of perfection
Let go of the notion that you must be perfect or have everything figured out to deserve love. The truth is, everyone has flaws and imperfections; it’s what makes us human. Accepting yourself fully allows you to attract the right kind of love into your life.
As you cultivate this belief, you'll find yourself open to receiving love in its many forms, whether from romantic partners, friends, or family. Embrace this journey of self-acceptance, and watch how it transforms your relationships and your life. You are deserving of love, right here, right now!
It’s crucial to recognize that we all are “a work in progress.” Embracing the idea that growth is a continuous journey allows us to appreciate our imperfections as part of what makes us human.
Instead of striving for an unattainable ideal, focus on taking small, meaningful steps toward self-improvement. Celebrate your achievements, no matter how minor they may seem, and approach challenges with a mindset of learning and growth. The seemingly "perfect" couples you see on social media may look flawless on the surface, but in reality, they are just regular people facing everyday challenges and ups and downs.
Cancel out the noise
As a life coach, I sometimes hear clients say, “But Varma, people will laugh at me for my stutter, for my acne, for my receding hairline, or my job. I don’t feel good enough; I don’t match up.”
Word of advice: Ignore the opinions of superficial individuals who criticize you. They do not truly know you, nor are they interested in understanding you. Don't give your precious energy to their judgments. Stop placing such high value on their opinions. Yes, I understand that these individuals might seem popular, wealthy, or beautiful. But by pedestalizing their opinions, you become part of the problem, inadvertently boosting their ego.
You are not required to live up to the opinion of anyone! That critical secondary teacher, the aunt who is overly involved in your life, the religious leader who inquires about your school grades, though they may seem to have good intentions, many times they are projecting their own insecurities onto you, coming from a place of lower, ego-centered consciousness. Remember, you are a child of God, and you will serve your purpose according to divine will.
Exercise: Write down five personal strengths that you possess, and then identify two specific areas in your life that you would like to improve. This practice will help you recognize your positive qualities while also setting goals for personal development.
6. Bring hidden patterns to the surface
Our views on love and relationships are often shaped by our childhood experiences, for example, how we observed our parents interact. Reflect for a moment: What lessons about love did you learn from them? Did they create a nurturing environment, or did you witness conflict and discord?
Carl Rogers, a humanistic psychologist, suggested that self-concept begins to develop during childhood and is heavily influenced by parenting. He argued that "parents who offer their children unconditional love and regard are more likely to foster a healthy self-concept." In contrast, children who feel that they have to "earn" their parents' love may end up grappling with low self-esteem and deep-seated feelings of unworthiness. This highlights the critical role of nurturing and supportive parenting in shaping a child's self-perception.
Were you, as a child, loved, accepted, and celebrated? Childhood experiences have a long and lasting imprint on your subconscious mind. The “age of reason,” as described by psychiatrist Theodore Shapiro, is often thought to occur around the age of seven, although it can vary from child to child. During this formative period, children are heavily influenced by their environments, which means that what they observe and experience will shape their understanding and belief systems as the rational mind has not been fully developed.
The power of awareness
Now that you've recognized the impact of these early experiences, what can you do? It's time to take control of your beliefs about love and relationships.
Examples of limiting beliefs:
“My parents are divorced; therefore, relationships never last.”
“If I don’t get straight A's, I’m not good enough.”
“I’ll never find love because I’m not as pretty as my siblings.”
“All men are scary because my dad was loud and angry.”
These beliefs can cloud your perspective on potential partners. Remember, just because a few people in your life exhibited negative traits, it doesn’t mean that everyone will. There are wonderful, kind-hearted individuals out there waiting to connect with you. To attract them, we would need to rewire our belief systems into more uplifting versions, thereby radiating the right vibrations.
Finding the light
You might feel uneasy reflecting on these negative patterns, but facing your fears is a powerful step toward healing. By gaining awareness, you create the opportunity to rewrite your story and change the energy you send out into the world.
Taking action to remove these blocks requires bravery, focus on the bright future that lies ahead. You may not even overcome these patterns completely in this lifetime, but addressing them is a significant step in your personal and spiritual growth.
In need of some inspiring stories? Joseph Murphy, in his book “The Power of Your Subconscious Mind,” outlines many success stories on reaching your full potential by harnessing the power of your subconscious mind.
Be patient and gentle with yourself during this process. Many resources can help you on your journey, consider exploring therapy, coaching, holistic wellness practices, insightful books, podcasts, or guided meditations.
Note: Do not be overly critical of your parents or past experiences. Instead, look at the past with loving detachment. Everyone is acting the best they can according to their own level of consciousness.
Exercise: Inner child meditation.
7. Maintain a high vibration with healthy habits
Our body serves as the physical vessel through which our consciousness experiences the world. The bond between body and mind is profound; they constantly communicate, impacting each other’s wellness. To radiate a strong vibration and magnetize your soulmate to you, a strong and healthy body will help project a radiant aura.
Nourish your body
Start with the building blocks of a healthy lifestyle: nutritious foods and regular exercise. Aim to fill your plate with wholesome, vibrant foods that energize you. Make physical activity a routine part of your day, whether it’s a brisk walk, yoga, or some good old yard work, whatever helps get your body moving.
Cultivate a loving body-image
An equally important aspect of well-being is fostering a positive body image. Accept the body you were gifted; it’s beautiful in its own unique way. Adorn it with clothes and accessories that make you feel confident, but remember to honor it as the vessel of your soul.
A favorite guided meditation of mine titled “Dearest Body” encourages gratitude and love for your physical self. Give it a listen and change your perspective.
Set realistic goals
When it comes to health, setting realistic goals is key. If you’ve spent 20 years accumulating weight, don’t expect to lose it in 20 days. It’s important to understand that sustainable change takes time. Avoid the trap of expecting rapid results. Instead, focus on making gradual changes that you can maintain.
Find pleasure mindfully
Pleasure is often derived from food, and the comforting effect of your favorite fast food can casually lead to obesity or early health problems. To address this, we must find alternative ways to derive these pleasurable feelings or experience them in controlled ways that do not affect our health. For example, enjoy your favorite meal on a Friday evening but opt for healthy choices for the rest of the week. Or replace unhealthy snacks with low-glycemic fruits and vegetables. Ultimately, the goal is to develop a healthy relationship with food.
Avoid lower vibration activities
Engaging in activities like alcohol consumption, pornography, and drug use can often be associated with temporary pleasure or escape, but they can also negatively affect mental and physical health, relationships, and overall well-being. These activities might be viewed as "lowering" one’s vibration because they often involve short-term gratification that can lead to long-term consequences, including addiction, emotional distress, and physical health issues.
Spiritually, individuals may become more susceptible to negative influences, including lower vibrational astral entities, which can attach to a person and cause their quality of life to diminish.
Reset your baseline
To enhance your relationship with pleasure and satisfaction, explore a concept known as the Dopamine Detox Schedule. By resetting what brings you joy, you can discover new sources of fulfillment that don’t compromise your health. This practice helps you redefine pleasure in a way that supports your overall well-being.
Nurture your path to well-being
Incorporating these healthy habits into your daily life will help you maintain a high vibration, making you a magnet for the love and connections you desire. Remember, the journey to wellness is ongoing; be patient, stay committed, and celebrate every small victory along the way.
Exercise: Dopamine detox challenge
A Dopamine Detox, sometimes referred to as a "dopamine fast," is a strategy aimed at reducing overstimulation and instant gratification from everyday activities thereby resetting your brain's reward pathways to baseline. While there is no one-size-fits-all approach, a typical dopamine detox schedule focuses on reducing high-dopamine activities like social media, video games, junk food, and excessive screen time for a period of time.
Objective: To engage in a mindful practice that limits distractions while stimulating creativity and focus.
For example: If you like drawing, painting, or crafting, perform the activity with an emphasis on mindfulness and being fully present in the moment.
8. Align with your passions
We all have unique interests and hobbies that bring us joy. Whether it’s cricket, football, gardening, biking, traveling, baking, or even working on cars, there’s an activity out there that resonates with you. In fact, there might be talents and interests you haven’t yet discovered!
For example, I find great fulfillment in connecting with nature, whether it’s biking through the Bamboo Cathedral or relaxing in my garden with my dog. In those moments, I experience a profound sense of presence and fulfillment. It’s about being, rather than constantly doing, which is often what we get caught up in during our busy lives.
Trying something new not only allows you to connect with your inner self but can also lead to meeting others who share similar interests. There’s a saying: “You often find the people you love doing what you love.”
Discover your hidden talents
I hope to inspire you to explore your passions and uncover the activities that light you up. Engaging in something you love can not only boost your happiness but also help you attract your soulmate.
Exercise: Self-discovery prompts
Finish this statement:
I feel energized doing ___________.
(Example: I feel energized doing yoga in the morning.)
Thinking of ___________ brings a smile to my face.
(Example: Thinking of singing at church/temple brings a smile to my face.)
I enjoy __________ during my free time.
(Example: I enjoy connecting with nature during my free time.)
9) The beauty of relationships
Relationships offer the possibility for so much mutual growth and support through the interplay of masculine and feminine energy, yin and yang.
Love is of feminine energy. Respect is of masculine energy. Cultivate and develop both within, And watch your relationships flourish. – Dr. V.B.S.
These energy dynamics can be seen throughout creation. The Shiv Shakti principle is a profound concept in Hindu philosophy that embodies the dynamic interplay of masculine (Shiva) and feminine (Shakti) energies. This principle not only highlights the need for balance in existence but also serves as a foundation for understanding relationships.
Shiva represents pure consciousness and stillness, symbolizing the cosmic structure underlying existence. He embodies qualities such as strength, discipline, and detachment, acting as the force that provides stability for creation. In contrast, Shakti embodies dynamic energy, creativity, and the life force, initiating action and growth. Characterized by nurturing, intuition, and adaptability, Shakti is the source of all manifestations in the universe.
Finding unity between Shiva and Shakti is essential, as they are two inseparable aspects of the same universal energy. This relationship reflects the balance of masculine and feminine within the broader context of creation, illustrated in the natural cycles of birth, death, and renewal. The harmonious dance of these energies emphasizes the importance of integrating both aspects for a complete understanding of existence. The path of enlightenment often involves the awakening of kundalini Shakti energy, which rises up the central channel known as sushumna to unite at the crown with the masculine Shiva energy. This union signifies the realization of one's true self and the transcendence of dualities, leading to a state of enlightenment or spiritual awakening. Swami Tadatmananda, a Sanskrit scholar and founder of Arsha Bodha Center, expounds on these concepts in his documentary on Kundalini Yoga.
The dynamics between feminine and masculine energy play a crucial role in fostering healthy relationships. A woman’s feminine energy often embodies qualities such as tenderness, love, intuition, empathy, and emotional depth. When she expresses these traits, she creates a nurturing and safe environment for her partner, allowing him to explore and express his own emotions. This supportive space encourages vulnerability in men, which can be challenging if they are not in touch with their feminine side.
Conversely, a man’s masculine energy typically emphasizes strength, logic, assertiveness, and decisiveness. When a man embodies these qualities, he provides a stabilizing influence that empowers a woman to embrace her feminine energy freely. This balance allows her to trust her instincts and emotions, knowing that she has a strong support system in her partner. In this way, both partners can thrive and support each other’s growth.
However, the importance of cultivating these energies cannot be overstated. A man who is disconnected from his feminine energy may struggle to process emotions, making it difficult for him to form intimate connections or fully receive love. Similarly, a woman who does not engage with her masculine energy may face challenges with decision-making and logical reasoning, potentially complicating her ability to navigate life’s practicalities.
10. Law of attraction tools
Visualization
If I asked you to picture a droplet of water falling off the tip of a mango leaf, could you see it in your mind’s eye? This is a simple example of the skill of visualization. Some of us are able to paint a vivid picture full of colors in high definition, while others may need a little practice to refine their skills. Slowing down thought processes while the mind and body are in a relaxed state can aid in making visualization easier. That’s why guided meditations can be so helpful in manifesting our desires.
In a recent article from BetterHealth, a leading online platform for therapy, the science behind visualization and its benefits for well-being was explored. Scientists looked into the validity and effectiveness of visualization techniques to determine if there are any scientific benefits for improved well-being. The following is an excerpt from the article: Tori Wager, director of the Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience Laboratory at the University of Colorado Boulder, remarks, “Imagination is a neurological reality that can impact our brains and bodies in ways that matter for our well-being.” The article further proposes that “The latest scientific findings indicate that visualizing ourselves doing something not only alters our brain’s pathways but also forges new connections that could be beneficial for making our desired outcomes a reality.”
Now that we’ve understood there is scientific evidence in favor of visualization, let’s begin to create a mental image of your ideal soulmate. Consider what qualities and values you wish to find in a partner; imagine their laughter, the way they support your dreams, or the joy of shared moments. Instead of visualizing loneliness or romantic disappointment, focus on the happiness and love you want to experience together. Picture the two of you enjoying a hearty dinner, embarking on adventures, or simply sharing moments of tenderness and joy.
If challenges arise such as past heartbreak or fear of rejection, transform these thoughts through self-reflection or by working with a therapist.
See yourself embracing love and being open to new connections, allowing the universe to guide the right person into your path. You might visualize the kind of conversations you want to have, the feelings of safety and companionship, and the mutual growth you hope to experience together.
Guided meditations can be an excellent tool to enhance your visualization practice. They help you relax and clear your mind of distractions, allowing you to focus more easily.
A guided meditation I recommend: Attract Your Perfect Partner.
Affirmations
Affirmations play a crucial role in reshaping your mindset, nurturing positive belief systems that align with your goal of attracting your soulmate. Dr. Joseph Murphy suggests in his book The Power of Your Subconscious Mind that “repeated affirmations can impress a belief upon the subconscious mind.” He further states, “You are a gardener, and affirmations are the seeds (thoughts) that you consciously plant in the soil. Whatever you sow in the subconscious mind, so shall you reap in your body and environment.” Therefore, he highlights the importance of projecting positive images onto the screen of the mind.
Consider affirmations such as, "I am worthy of love," "I attract healthy and fulfilling relationships," or "My soulmate is on their way to me." Repeat these affirmations regularly, whether in the morning to start your day positively, during quiet moments of reflection, or even before sleep. The more you affirm these beliefs, the more you rewire your subconscious mind to accept and recognize love when it appears.
By eliminating self-doubt and negativity, you create space for the right partner to enter your life. As you project self-love and confidence, you naturally attract others who resonate with this energy, making it easier for you to connect with your soulmate.
Ultimately, the combination of visualization and affirmations empowers you to take an active role in your journey to finding your soulmate. By picturing the relationship you desire and affirming your worthiness of love, you align your energy with the universe's vibrations.
Affirmations: Attract Your Soulmate
11. Surrender your desire
When pursuing our desires, particularly in the realm of relationships, it is vital to understand the concept of surrender. Surrender does not mean giving up on our dreams; rather, it is about balancing the desire for what we want while also letting go of the need to control how and when those desires will manifest. It is the letting go of attachment and ultimately uniting our will with the will of God. Here is how the process of manifesting a soulmate looks:
Ask: Clearly express what you seek in a soulmate. This could be qualities you value, the kind of relationship you desire, or even the love energy you wish to attract. Writing it down can help solidify these intentions.
Believe: Cultivate unwavering faith that the universe is working on your behalf. Trust that your soulmate is also on their journey and that the connection will manifest as intended.
Trust: Perhaps the most challenging yet vital step is releasing control over how and when your soulmate will arrive. Trust that the universe knows what you truly need, even if it doesn’t align with your current expectations.
How to trust and have faith
From his talks on the Dynamic Power of Faith, Paramhansa Yogananda describes the importance of faith in the manifestation process:
“Faith is very important because receptivity to divine power is shut off by negative thoughts and doubts. Faith grows as you exercise it; and when you have faith, you can do everything. If you can hold on to an idea long enough, and do not give up when opposed by contrary evidence, even if the whole world says it is impossible; if you can fight the negative thoughts of people and keep your own thoughts strong while working toward your goal, it will manifest.”
Trust and surrender are crucial elements in the manifestation process. They represent our faith in the universe and the divine love that surrounds us. This faith plays a pivotal role in our ability to attract and manifest our desires. When we trust that there is a higher plan for us, we can relinquish our tight grip on specific outcomes, understanding that what is meant for us will naturally unfold in due time. Yogananda describes, “Faith means total trust; intuitive conviction, a knowing from the soul, that God is real and that His help is ever ready to flow into man’s life.”
It is essential to recognize that our desires may evolve over time. The person we initially believe is our soulmate might not align with our highest good, or the career we covet might change as we grow. This is where introspection comes into play. Engaging in self-reflection and developing a deeper relationship with the divine, be it through a more abstract understanding of the universe or a personal connection to figures such as Jesus, Krishna, or various ascended masters can help us discern our true alignment.
Connecting with evolved souls
In my experience, my co-creation abilities flourished when I encountered my physical Gurus. Evolved souls have a unique capacity to transmit energy that awakens your inner being. This phenomenon is referred to as Shaktipat in Hinduism and parallels the presence of the Holy Spirit in Christianity.
I look forward to exploring these concepts further in future articles, sharing insights on how these connections can enhance your manifesting power.
Stay optimistic
Always remember that you are worthy, loved, and deserving of all good things. If you’re seeking personal guidance, I invite you to reach out. I would love to hear your story and understand how my insights have impacted you.
If you've read my article, I'd love to hear your thoughts on what you found most helpful or thought-provoking. Feel free to reach out to me on Instagram or my website if you have any questions. Also, if you’d like some extra support, you are welcome to book a coaching call with me today!
Read more from Dr. Varma Brent Samodee
Dr. Varma Brent Samodee, Transformational Life Coach
Dr. Samodee is a certified life coach whose mission is to help others become the best versions of themselves. He views life as a journey of consciousness, where individual consciousness merges with the universal consciousness, akin to a drop of rain returning to the ocean, symbolizing the ultimate union of the self with the universe.
With a compassionate and lighthearted approach to spirituality, Dr. Samodee skillfully bridges the gap between the spiritual and material realms, empowering clients to achieve their goals and reclaim their inner power. He firmly believes that we are co-creators of our reality, and through conscious effort, we can shape our future.
