Written by: Belynder Walia, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Relationships are complex, and they take work, compromise, and a lot of patience. But sometimes, we do things without realising it pushes our partner away.
We all want to have healthy and happy relationships, but occasionally we don't even know we're doing things that are sabotaging the situation.
I want to shed light on nine prevalent ways people self-sabotage their relationships and, more importantly, how to stop the self-destructive behaviour that finishes the foundation of a relationship.
If you or anyone you know will benefit from recognising these traits and identifying any self-sabotaging behaviours, please share the list below. It is essential to understand that becoming self-aware is the first step to fixing any issue.
Nine ways to identify self-sabotaging behaviour:
1. Making Comparisons
It's natural for us to compare our relationships to others, but doing so can be destructive. When we constantly compare our connection to others, we put undue pressure on ourselves and our partner, leading to envy and a lack of trust.
2. Negative Self-Talk
If you're constantly putting yourself down, it will be difficult for your partner to see any difference that you see in yourself. Instead, they will mirror your behaviour. Withholding love and support is a surefire way to kill any relationship. When you withhold self-love and support, you tell your partner that you are not worth your time or effort, and they treat you this way too, which leads to resentment.
3. Blaming Your Partner
Accusing your partner of everything that goes wrong in your relationship is not only unfair, but it's also damaging. When you blame your spouse for everything, you give them no room to grow, leading to tension and dislike.
4. Withholding Love and Support
"To the World You May Be One Person, but to One Person You Are the world." – Bill Wilson
Withholding love and support is a definite way to eradicate any relationship. When you withhold love and support, you tell your partner that they are not worth your time or effort. Imagine, if you feel terrible when you do that to yourself, you are now inflicting the same pain on the person you should be joyous with. They do not need to feel like you to understand your pain. What you are doing is controlling and unkind.
5. Resentment
The opposite of love is antipathy. Of course, it is one of the biggest predators of relationships, and it eats away at our happiness. When we nurse bitterness, we are creating a toxic environment. Resentment is harmful and damaging, so it's essential to deal with things with empathy and understanding, and if you are with the one you do not want to lose, then don't give them a reason to leave.
6. Lack of Communication
Communication is vital in any relationship. However, when we cannot express our emotions to our partners, we set ourselves up for failure. In addition, lack of communication may contribute to misunderstandings. An empirical study aims to educate couples on maintaining honest communication. The results showed that if there is no communication, the impact is a breakdown of the relationship. So talk. Express your feelings clearly and calmly.
7. Ignoring Red Flags
If we're not paying attention, we might ignore the warning signs that our relationship is in trouble. When we ignore red flags, we are setting ourselves up for disaster. Therefore, it's imperative to be honest with ourselves and address any problems lurking in our relationship.
8. Being Manipulative
Manipulation is a form of control, and it's one of the most destructive things we can do to our relationships. When we try to control our partners, we tell them we don't trust them. So naturally, this can lead to long-term effects in your current relationship. If the relationship breaks down, this can impact any future connections.
9. Absence of Trust
Lack of trust is a big deal! When we don't trust our partners, it's challenging to have a healthy relationship. However, trust is essential in any relationship, so it's necessary to do whatever it takes to build trust.
If you're the culprit of any of these nine ways of self-sabotaging your relationship, do not worry. You can fix it, and it's never too late to change your habits and start working on the most important relationship of all – the one you have with yourself.
If any of these rings are true for you, it's time to change. First, it is a no-brainer to acknowledge a problem and then seek help to address it. Next, you can counter-react these self-defeating behaviours and create the loving, supportive relationship you deserve with the vital ingredient, empathy.
Belynder Walia, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Belynder Walia is a leading Psychotherapist, who helps people who need a swift, effective solution to a current problem that negatively impacts their lives. She's worked with a wide variety of people, from stay-at-home carers to experts and celebrities in the public eye. Having suffered from Perinatal Anxiety, she focuses on enabling others to learn, heal and grow from pain. Belynder is the founder of Serene Lifestyles, an online and on-set psychotherapy practice at www.serenelifestyles.com. Her ground-breaking methods include a combination of Psychotherapy and Neuroplasticity to help align the THREE Brains (the head, heart, and gut). She's in many publications, including Forbes, Cosmopolitan, Harpers Bazaar, The Moment, Planet Mindful, and Thrive Global. She’s featured on the front cover of Passion Vista as one of the women to look up to 2022. Belynder is also writing her first non-fiction book, to help people radically change their minds to change their lives.
