Written by: Rose Salkova, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Are you looking for ways to increase your energy levels, improve your sleep, feel lighter and happier?
It is possible and without any supplements. You don’t even have to do anything special. Below are but a few widely used expressions. We live by them without realizing their impact. We’ve accepted them as truths for various reasons. I call them myths and it is my intention to bring them up to the surface and to help you realize the damage they silently do to you.
Just sit back and reflect: do I think or say any of these things? What else am I doing, thus sabotaging myself and then suffer from chronic fatigue, insomnia, feeling unfortunate, or like a victim?
Myth 1: You can’t choose your family, you can only choose your friends
Myth 2: Blaming parents
These two myths often go together so let’s discuss them together as well. Take, for example me and my parents.
The moment I learned that we chose our parents prior to incarnation – based on what we want to learn, to experience in this life, I was stupefied. I chose that? Why? The answer was simple: I chose my mom because she promised me freedom.
My parents divorced; my mom left her abusive husband. She did the right thing, yet as a child, I blamed her for breaking up the family. Then later, I was blaming dad for being a bad husband and a poor father. Why didn’t he stop? It is obvious isn’t it: you do not lift your hand on your wife or child?
But… how could he know differently? He grew up knowing that he was not loved by his dad, in fact, his dad wanted to sell him at some point. If he was not hit, he was definitely yelled at. This happened about 80 years ago.
Now now, let’s blame the grandfather since he started it all. However, my grandfather was left on his own on the street as a toddler because then orphans or otherwise undesired children were just another throat to feed! This was over 110 years ago. Oufff.
As parents, we provide the way we know. What do we know? Well, they do not teach the latest parenting methods at school, do they? So, we read books, watch podcasts, consult friends or specialists. And we will put this information in perspective with our upbringing, because most of all, we know best what we’ve experienced ourselves. So, on average, each generation’s parenting style is at least 60 years old: we are either repeating or correcting our childhood = the parenting style of our parents, which in turn is the parenting style of their parents.
How we respond to all this another thing. This is our free will. One hundred years ago, did people know about free will? Did they even have time to think or question life? Did they know how to stand up and say that something was wrong when everybody around was doing it? DO WE TODAY?
So have no doubt, our parents, each and every one of them delivered their promises. The question is how this promise was delivered - the human touch.
My mom promised me freedom and she gave it to me: I was 15 when I realized how great a freedom I had. While my friends were controlled closely, all I had to do was ask. That was her way. But there are countless ways of keeping a promise. And it can go to extremes. Let’s say that I also wanted to experience compassion. I could:
Live in a loving environment and learn to be compassionate to others because it is nice, or
Live in a harsh environment, suffer and experience compassion through the lack of it.
“What do you want. You can’t choose your family; you can only choose your friends. It’s their fault, they should know better – they are the parents, they are adults. They should know how to raise a child.”
Thinking or talking like this is not going to change anything. It will only keep you stuck in a victim mode, takeover your wellbeing, creep into the sleepless nights and by doing so take your power, your strength away.
Today, can you extend understanding and compassion to the parents and grandparents because they didn’t get any in the first place? If someone is on the ground, what will you do? Come closer and kick them, since they are already on the ground or extend a hand and help them to get up?
So instead of being a victim of circumstances or blaming, I offer to you to:
Stop judging your parents and stand by your birth choice, and
Recognize that your parents really did their best, which was the best that they knew. Even if they were completely incompetent, it was their best.
Let’s face it: none of us is perfect; and anyway, life is not a courtroom. Life is a school. And in life, no one gives medals for suffering.
Myth 3: The word “Don’t”
“I don’t want to be sad; I don’t want to be sick; I don’t need my boss yelling at me.”
The subconscious, small children and animals do not understand the word “don’t.” It has no meaning.
What they hear is: I … want to be sad, I … want to be sick, I … need people yelling at me.
Do you see what I see? We know that we attract and create what we think, what we say - whether out loud or to ourselves. For that reason, change your words and thoughts to: I want to be, I am happy. I want to be healthy. I feel great and I improve every day… Observe the difference this makes in your life.
Myth 4: Negative self-talk is cute
“Negative self-talk is cute, it keeps me humble, my mom used to do it. My colleagues, my friends are doing it.”
No. It is not cute. It doesn’t make you humble, it is plain and simple a bully standing next to you 24/7! And this bully knows exactly which buttons to push. If someone did it to you at work, you would file for harassment. Who told you that you are allowed to do this to yourself? So, stop it now. If you are not able to stop on your own, get help. And then, when you are ready, bring it to even a higher level: praise yourself for a job well done – no matter how small, pat yourself on the shoulder for a smart choice, or smile to yourself in the mirror. And watch your life explode!
Myth 5: It is my obligation
“It is my obligation to take care of my children.”
Everything we do, say or think comes with an energetic charge. Obligation is a sacrifice and as such it takes more energy from us than a task actually requires. It is unnecessary, it is stress and an accumulation of negative energy inside of you.
Surprise: you don’t owe anything to anyone. You give because you want.
Therefore, say instead: “I take care of my children because I love them, because I want.” As a result, feel a relief and an inflow of positive energy. Simply because your words, your actions are coming out of a different place the negative energy is released, and positive energy pours in to support you.
Myth 6: Only I…
This is an example of how our subconsciousness is literal: “Only I can take care of my children, husband, ailing parents.”
Guess what? They will make sure that you do not get rest, because they want to make you happy: only you can take care of them, right? So, they will provide; they will ask only for you, they will be difficult when others are replacing you.
How about saying instead: I take care of my parents and I gladly accept and appreciate any help I can get in supporting me with my undertaking? How does that sound? How does that feel? Imagine how a life like that would be. Please, give yourself the permission to accept help, have rest, even to have fun. You deserve it.
Myth 7: The responsibility of a parent
“My mother was supposed to provide, my father wasn’t there, he abandoned me, “
This is a tough one. On the surface – yes. Behind curtains? We don’t know unless we look there.
So, dare and look: well, she just really was a bad mother, she made a wrong choice, this was her opportunity to learn and she failed. Or she was absent because you wanted to grow up independently. Or she had to go on her journey and it was another woman that was supposed to take her place. I mentioned in the beginning how orphans used to be a burden… I find it rather interesting how today we see countless blended families.
Therefore, unless you look behind the curtains and know their story, stop judging and accept what was because you do not have all the information. You only have one side of the story. I know that if you do look and do find their story, you will not judge, you will understand.
For some is hard to hear it, but your mother or father don’t owe you anything. On the other hand, you don’t owe them anything either. This doesn’t mean that we can all run around and do anything we feel like doing. On the contrary, this means to step up, show respect, care and compassion. You have your journey, and they have theirs. No matter what their reason, that belongs to them. So let it go, free yourself from this assumption. Let them be free too.
Myth 8: Expectations between parents and children
In all families, perhaps especially in dysfunctional families, parents are expecting a thank you, while children are expecting a sorry. Neither one is getting it.
Persistence is a virtue but being stubborn is not.
I propose to you to be the one that makes the first step and says: “I am sorry, I was not a better parent. I am sorry I hurt you, I let you down.” Or: “Thank you for giving me life. Thank you for teaching me your way, it was a hard way, but still, thank you.”
Say these simple words. You do not have to say it in person. Sit, relax and breathe deeply for a short while. When you are ready, imagine that they are sitting next to you and say it in your mind, or aloud. Then just breathe again for a while. These simple words will free you from the past, from being a victim and tomorrow the sun will start shining brighter.
Myth 9: It is impossible to let go
“This was my marriage, my childhood, I was robbed, I was wronged – I am a victim here. I cannot let go of this. If I do, I approve what happened or it’s like it never happened at all. This is not justice. Don’t I matter?!”
I hear you; I truly do. However, this is what happens if you do not let go: you are stuck in this nightmare. No justice. No joy. Only a self-inflicted suffering, which is some of the worst suffering there is. Please realize that violence has many faces. May yours not be one of them!
On the other hand, letting go is justice-for-you. Not for them. Learn to let go – this will allow for inner peace to settle in.
Conclusion
These thoughts, as justified as they all may be or feel, are only taking your power away. In fact, you, yourself are giving your power away. No one takes it from you. These are myths that we have heard often enough to accept them as the truths.
The changes that I propose to you here are some small, some big, but they are all possible. They do not require you to do neither more nor less. They ask you to do and think differently. By simply incorporating them in your day, you will sleep better, feel better, get stronger and happier. Plus, they will open you up to even more progress.
I believe that it is important, so I am going to repeat:
We create what is inside us, not what we think is inside us. Our behaviour, our thoughts, as well as our invisible energies affect not only us.
The traumas that we inherit from our parents – if not resolved, we live their lives. Then, we affect those that come after us, our most beloved. We are passing on our traumas and dramas down the line to our children and grandchildren. Then they live our lives or the lives of their grandparents, instead of their own.
Take responsibility and ownership of your energy. It’s not only “Are you mad? Pull yourself together and act professionally!” The responsibility goes much deeper. And its ownership propels straight up to joy.
So, claim your power, stop giving it away!
Book a free consultation at familyhealingwithrose.com to find out more. Alternatively, you can join Dr. Pat Baccili and Rose Salkova as they discuss every second Wednesday of a month at 14:00 EST why taking responsibility and ownership of your energy matters. Learn how to do it, but most importantly, learn how it can change your life. Listen live or replay Family Healing with Rose: Take responsibility and ownership of your energy.
Visit my website for more info!
Rose Salkova, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Rose Salkova is a Life Coach focusing on Intuitive Family Healing. Family relationships are in the heart of her practice because she believes that they are at the bottom of our suffering as well as the base of our well-being. She offers insight into the spiritual aspect of family relationships and actionable steps how to resolve them. Her mission is to help people that are dispirited by their family life to put a smile back on their faces. To help them to resolve their past, bring colour back into their lives, get relief, be free, feel whole, get a peace of mind and to rise again.
