Bronwen Sciortino is an International Author and Simplicity Expert who spent almost two decades as an award-winning executive before experiencing a life changing event that forced her to stop and ask the question ‘What if there’s a better way to live?’
Our ability to communicate effectively can often colour the way that we interact with the world. Our communication is often coloured by the emotions we’re feeling about different people, places and things.
These two statements are true at any given moment in time, but when you overlay a propensity to apologise on top of this, it can make our ability to communicate with an authentic voice almost impossible.
What are the two opposite ends of the communication spectrum?
At one end of the spectrum there are the confident communicators. These people stand out as individuals who engender unwavering clarity and conviction.
Their aura is such that when they walk into a room, their very stance commands attention. When they speak, people stop and listen to every word they say. Their words flow effortlessly and align them with the characteristics of authenticity and purpose. They also know how to listen intently and to not only respond but also to understand.
They stride confidently into challenging conversations, knowing that they will be able to achieve an outcome that provides a win for all parties.
They inspire trust, foster connection and leave a lasting impact on everyone fortunate enough to engage with them.
At the other end of the spectrum there are the serial apologists. These are the people who tiptoe through conversations, barely acknowledged, amidst a chorus of apologies.
They navigate interactions with sentences that are peppered with unnecessary “I’m sorry’s” and “Excuse me’s”. Often they are hesitant to exert themselves or express their true thoughts for fear of offending someone.
They exude an aura of uncertainty, leaving others with questions about their convictions and capabilities. They live in a prison of their own making, where they are trapped in a cycle of self-doubt that dims their light and stifles their voice.
Is it possible for serial apologists to become confident communicators?
It’s important to acknowledge that there are times when apologizing is a good thing. When you’ve done the wrong thing or made a mistake then an apology is absolutely an appropriate action to take.
But apologizing takes a toll when it becomes a habit and a way of life that we adopt without thinking about it.
The good news is that it is habits that form a way of life, and habits can be changed when we consciously and deliberately focus on doing so. That means that by applying deliberate and conscious thought to the situation, it is possible for a serial apologist to become more confident in their communication style.
A great place to start moving from being a serial apologist to being more confident in your communication is to understand nine of the biggest distinctions that separate confident communicators from serial apologists:
Apologizing for being busy: confident communicators rarely apologize for being busy. They engage in the activities in life that are important to them, and while this fills their days, they don’t feel the pressure of trying to do too many things for too many people. In contrast, serial apologists will have a calendar that is overflowing with tasks for other people, and worse still, a calendar that creates clashing timeframes, overwhelm and a sense that nothing is being done or delivered at an acceptable standard.
Active steps to change life: confident communicators know how to self-assuredly make decisions about what they need… and then create the steps required to get them where they want to go. Serial apologists get stuck going around and around a decision, and find themselves unable to make decisions on where to start to make change in their life.
Putting yourself first: confident communicators know the importance of putting yourself first some of the time, and they make sure that there is time in their calendar for them to do just that. Serial apologists, on the other hand, know how important this is but can’t actually allow themselves to be placed before the needs of others.
Self-care as a priority: confident communicators are likely to give themselves some form of self-care on a regular often daily basis. They know that this is the key to being able to manage health and wellbeing on an ongoing basis and they make it a priority in their calendar. Serial apologists would see self-care as something that can be left until later and barely have time to realize that ‘later’ never comes.
Not reading minds: confident communicators know that there isn’t an effective way to know exactly what other people are thinking so they don’t bother trying. Instead they rely on their ability to be able to solve a problem when it is brought to them by someone else. Serial apologists waste a lot of time trying to read others’ minds in the hope that it will help them to never let anyone down.
Making time work for you: confident communicators know that there is always enough time for everything to get done. Serial apologists always feel like there’s not enough hours in the day, or that they need a clone of themselves to be able to get everything done and keep everyone happy.
Apologizing for other’s mistakes: confident communicators know who they are and know when an apology is needed from them. They never take responsibility for another’s mistakes. Serial apologists spend a lot of time apologizing for the things that other people do and take responsibility for a host of things that are not theirs to own.
Not saving the world: confident communicators know that they can create a big impact in the world by focusing on one or two things that are important to them. Serial apologists think they have to save the world for everyone to be ok.
Align with the positive: confident communicators surround themselves with positivity and immerse themselves in the possibilities of the world. Serial apologists catastrophize about the things that could go wrong if they offend someone or let someone down, which correlates to living surrounded by more negative energy.
Focusing on making small, easily implementable changes in one of these areas at a time will help serial apologists to create more confidence in the way they experience the world. Doing this will then help them to be more confident in their choices and that, in turn, will help their communication on the whole.
If you would like some help in ways to start thinking and living differently, there are also loads of tips and more information in the articles and videos in my free email series. Simply click here to start you on your way.
Bronwen Sciortino is a Simplicity Expert, Professional Speaker and an internationally renowned author.
Bronwen Sciortino, International Author & Simplicity Expert
Bronwen Sciortino is an International Author and Simplicity Expert who spent almost two decades as an award-winning executive before experiencing a life changing event that forced her to stop and ask the question ‘What if there’s a better way to live?’
Embarking on a journey to answer this question, Bronwen developed a whole new way of living – one that teaches you to challenge the status quo and include the power of questions in everyday life.
Gaining international critical acclaim and 5-star awards for her books and online programs, Bronwen spends every day teaching people that there is an easy, practical and simple pathway to creating a healthy, happy AND highly successful life.
Sourced globally for media comment as an expert and working with corporate programs, conference platforms, retreats, professional mentoring and in the online environment, Bronwen teaches people how easy it is to live life very differently.
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