Veronica Wiley (they/them) is a compassionate caregiver and educator about death, dying, and grief. They are the founder and CEO of Outside Rites, Ltd. and Corpse Pose Yoga which focuses on incorporating the philosophy of Yoga and ecopsychology to create experiences of conscious living and dying for their clients.
Do you wish there was a way to speed up the stages of grief or make the experience easier? Grief is a unique type of trauma that everyone experiences at multiple points in life. There are even different types of grief beyond bereavement over the loss of a loved one. While yoga is commonly known as a physical movement, breath, and meditation practice - the philosophical tradition from South Asia offers much more insight and helpful advice on the topics of death and grief. This article will explore the different types of grief, myths (or saṃskāra-s) about grief, death, and dying, and how the philosophical practice of yoga can help.
What is yoga?
Before diving into the ways that yoga helps with grief and anxiety about death, there needs to be an adjustment to the way most people think of yoga. Modern, westernized concepts of yoga mostly involve performing physical exercises and postures that require varying degrees of strenuous exertion. This can be a way to practice yoga, but it is not the full practice. In order to appreciate how yoga can help with understanding grief and death, there needs to be an unlearning and relearning of what yoga is.
Dr. Shyam Ranganathan of the Yoga Philosophy Institute teaches that yoga is an ethical theory of moral philosophy that comes from South Asia based on the principle of devotion to sovereignty. Unlike virtue ethics, consequentialism, and deontology which base ethical decision-making on what is ultimately good, what is responsible, or what the outcome might be–yoga bases ethical decision-making on devoting oneself to the process of choosing the best option one can make given the circumstances. Often, what prevents us from choosing the best option, or even fully recognizing all of the options, is the beliefs, hopes, fears, traumas, myths, and misconceptions (called saṃskāra-s in Sanskrit) we hold about ourselves and the world around us. An example of this Dr. Ranganathan offers in his book Yoga–Anticolonial Philosophy: An Action Focused Guide to Practice is related to a fear of dogs: if one had a traumatic experience being bitten by a dog as a child, they might live their whole life terrified of dogs - not allowing themselves to see and experience the reality that different dogs under different circumstances are not to be feared but can even be a source of joy (like puppies).
In the conversation of grief, death, and dying there are many different beliefs, fears, hopes, and other attitudes that one may hold in regards to these topics. Identifying what those attitudes are and recognizing whether they are true or false is important to reduce the suffering that can be experienced during the grief and dying process.
In my last article, I discussed how a true yoga practice helps us organize our thoughts and feelings, recognize all of the available choices we could make, and choose the best action from there. It is a procedure which allows one to organize their thoughts and feelings about their experiences in order to live an independent, sovereign life by first acknowledging the reality of death. Physical yoga postures, breathwork, and meditation techniques can be useful tools in helping to focus the mind, however, simply going through the motions of a physical practice does not automatically relieve the complex emotions of grief or acceptance of one’s mortality. While it’s easy to wish for a series of yoga postures and breath techniques that will cure you of your grief - that’s just not how grief or yoga work. Yoga offers a practice for sitting with oneself through the full experience of grief, in all the ways it can present itself without getting stuck in one’s attitudes, fears, beliefs, hopes, or judgements about how it should feel or what it should look like according to anyone else.
Understanding grief
Grief is a natural experience that everyone encounters at some point in their life. Most people experience grief multiple times through various situations. While often associated with the loss of a loved one, grief can be experienced after any kind of loss and there are types of grief that aren’t related to loss of life. If you’ve ever lost a job, had your heart broken, moved across the country (or even across town), these are all types of change or transition that involve letting go of and adjusting expectations. Grief is a unique experience for everyone, while also being universal in that it’s something everyone encounters.
Different types of grief
There are several examples above of different types of grief. However, even these examples are mostly personal. Personal experiences of grief can cause us to feel more isolated or like the loss we experience is ours alone. There are other types of grief beyond what we can experience on a personal level in our daily lives. Francis Weller’s book ‘The Wild Edge of Sorrow: Rituals of Renewal and the Sacred Work of Grief’ outlines at least five different gateways to grief that essentially come down to: loss, shame, collective/ecological grief, the grief of unmet expectations, ancestral grief, and the recently added sixth gate–the harms we have caused. We live in times of extreme geo-political violence and climate catastrophe and have very few resources for addressing the ongoing, compounding grief of the current human experience.
How does yoga help with grief and anxiety about death?
Yoga is most notably outlined as a procedural practice in Patañjali’s Yoga Sūtra. There are a multitude of translations of the Yoga Sūtra, however the one I most highly recommend is Dr. Shyam Ranganathan’s as it is most easily understood of all the translations I’ve encountered. Most translations of the Yoga Sūtra are written by Indology or Sanskrit scholars, as opposed to Philosophy scholars. Imagine a legal document being translated by a poet - there are a lot of important details that get lost and the final translation resembles something quite different from the original. This is what happens with most interpretations of the Yoga Sūtra.
In the first chapter of the Yoga Sūtra there is a series of verses addressing obstacles to the practice of yoga, and how to overcome them. This is where many yoga teachers will pull from when discussing grief, however, these verses are often taken out of context from one another as if each one is a complete thought. The full series is verses 30 - 39, as follows:
YS I.30: “Illness, apathy, doubt, negligence, sloth, non-restraint, delusion, perspectivism, failing to be grounded (flightiness/hyperactivity), and inconsistency, scatter the mind and constitute an impediment (to yoga).”
YS I.31: “Accompanying these distractions are discomfort, depression, trembling of the body, and disturbed inhalation and exhalation.”
YS 1.32: “One can avoid the significance of these obstacles (to the practice of yoga) by implementation of just one of the following truths.”
YS I.33: “Mentality brightens, and gets to be of a serene disposition and good humour, when one takes on an attitude of friendliness towards the pleasant, of compassion for those who suffer, of joy for the meritorious, and of equanimity towards the unmeritorious."
YS I.34: “Or the expulsion and retention of breath.”
YS I.35: “Or by binding the mind into stillness to observe the contents of the mind as they arise.”
YS I.36: “Or when the heart is set on being luminescent and free from sorrow.”
YS I.37: “Or by thoughts free from desire.”
YS I.38: “Or by insights gained from sleep and dream states.”
YS I.39: “Or in the manner of deep spiritual meditation upon a spiritual symbol or object that one finds agreeable.” (Ranganathan 2008).
These recommendations of breath practices, meditation, and adopting a cheery disposition are listed here by Patañjali as ways to deal with obstacles to the practice of yoga, not the actual yoga practice itself. However, when one is overwhelmed by grief, the practice of yoga (or critical thinking) can be difficult to access. This is why breath practices and meditation can be so helpful in getting one to a calm state of mind and restoring the nervous system. Grief is a natural response to change and being able to breathe through the experience of grief can help prevent being overwhelmed by grief. However, grief is not something to be fixed or cured. It is an experience to allow. Suffering occurs when one gets stuck in, or overwhelmed by, the story of grief and what it means about one’s own mortality.
Patañjali outlines the Eight Limbs of Yoga in the second chapter which are offered as a prescriptive remedy for living in an imperfect world where suffering exists. “Suffering comes about by ignorance, egotism, attachment, aversion, and clinging to bodily security.” - Yoga Sūtra II.3 (Ranganathan 2008).
1. Yama
The first limb of yoga, Yama, is often translated as moral restraint. The name originally comes from the Upaniṣads, where Yama (the god of Death) explains to a boy named Nāciketa that death is essentially a loss of control that happens in two ways: something that happens to us, or when we surrender control of ourselves to ourselves. The former is a tragedy, the latter is yoga. In the limbs of yoga, Yama is “a universal obligation to obstruct systemic harm (ahiṃsā), that reveals the fact (satya) of people not deprived of their requirements (asteya), their personal boundaries respected (brahmacharya), and no one hoarding (aparigrahā).” (Ranganathan 2024). This is the essential first step of taking responsibility for ourselves in a world we must navigate with others who share the same limitation of mortality.
Engaging in this first limb of yoga requires recognizing the reality of the world, what is in one’s control, and what is not, thereby creating space for independent thinking (free from our saṃskāra-s, or fears about grief and death) and allow for taking moral action. Accepting one’s mortality allows one to make responsible decisions and preparations for the event of one’s death and even gives one more capacity to appreciate life in the present moment.
The most prominent and harmful cultural belief in many so-called developed countries, particularly in the US, is the idea that death is a medical failure that can and should be prevented. Medical professionals are trained, and in many cases legally obligated, to do everything possible to keep someone alive–no matter the cost. The cost can be quite extraordinary - not just the monetary cost in terms of what is or isn’t covered by insurance, but the toll it takes on patients and families when a patient is left in a condition with poor quality of life after receiving life-saving treatment. There’s also the environmental cost from the precious metals and resources used to power life-saving medical technology, such as heart defibrillators - and the lives it costs to mine those resources. Also consider the millions of pounds of medical waste just from single-use plastics.
Obstructing systemic harm of death denial, particularly in the realm of health care and death care, allows people to not only come to accept their own mortality, but to end this global cycle of perpetual harm from trying to cheat death. Fact: everyone dies. Everyone. Francis Weller calls this the first gate of grief: everything we love, we will lose. When we accept these facts, we see what we share with all of life (or with all puruṣa-s), recognize our common interests and needs, and advocate for the liberty of all.
2. Niyama
Often translated as moral observances, Niyama is the second limb of yoga. “Having engaged in this activism (the first limb – Yama), one can then proceed to the second limb where the practitioner commits to the three basic ideal practices of yoga (Īśvara praṇidhānā – devotion to Sovereignty, tapas – unconservatism, & svādhyāya – self-governance) while working on being content (santoṣa) and pure (śauca) in this commitment (YS II.32).” (Ranganathan 2024).
Challenging the culture of death denial means also challenging the saṃskāra-s (myths and beliefs) that are culturally held about grief, death, and dying. There are many different customs around the world regarding end-of-life care, death rites, and mourning. Depending on what beliefs one holds and how attached one is to their beliefs, the process of examining and questioning those beliefs can be uncomfortable or even upsetting. This limb of yoga asks the practitioner to be committed through this discomfort by being devoted to the process of learning and independent thinking, to make the best choices in the interests of all who share the common experience of mortality on this planet.
3. Āsana
“The third limb is about occupying the space that one has created via Yogic activism and practice (YS II.46 – 48) ...In contemporary yoga talk, āsana, is the word for postural exercises.” (Ranganathan 2024).
In the context of using yoga to get to the root of suffering, or ‘total pain’ as the founder of the hospice care movement would call it, caused by grief and anxiety about death, this limb refers to one’s ability to continuously sit with one’s feelings and be at ease while witnessing, observing, and integrating a wide range of emotional data throughout the process.
4. Prāṇāyāma
“The fourth limb…superficially relates to practices of breath but is also described as the process of deconstructing natural barriers between oneself and the external world (YS II.51) …it is about recovering one’s space as a practical agent. And hence in controlling one’s boundaries, we are taking back control of our own personal boundaries. (Ranganathan 2024).
Prāṇāyāma is also often translated as control of one’s life force, which can mean many things in the conversation of death and dying. During the natural dying process, it is normal for the rhythm of the breath to change as one’s life force is dissipating. This is a natural change to be observed, not something to be managed or controlled. If one considers time and effort to be part of one’s life force - being conscious of one’s mortality can cause one to be more intentional of how one spends their time and where one puts their efforts. There’s also an important discussion to be had regarding independent choice for controlling the end of one’s life and the controversy over Medical Aid in Dying.
5. Pratyāhāra
“The fifth limb…is the withdrawal of the senses from objects but also the correlative abstraction of objects from beliefs. This puts the senses under the control of the person (YS II.54 – 55). Having created a political space to exist, having committed to the practice of Yoga, having physically occupied that space, and having taken control of one’s boundaries, now the agent decides what they will direct their attention to. This sets up possibilities of advanced practice.” (Ranganathan 2024).
This fifth limb of yoga is key to being able to separate oneself from external influences in order to fully examine the topic of inquiry. Grief and death are deeply personal, making this an internal process. One cannot come to an independent acceptance of one’s own mortality while being swayed by the opinions and experiences of others or influenced by cultural beliefs and traditions. This does not mean that social interaction is unhelpful in processing death and grief, indeed there can be significant solace and comfort found in relating with others’ experiences. However, one cannot fully come to terms with one’s own experience by avoiding oneself. Often the experience of grief can create a desire to be around others, and simultaneously a desire to be alone. Yoga is about creating an intentional space for deep, individual processing that allows one to fully integrate the process, rather than getting stuck or overwhelmed by it.
Saṃyamaḥ
“The three final limbs of the Eight Limbs are Dhāraṇā (often translated as concentration), Dhyāna (Movement, Entailment), and Samādhi (Conclusion). Together called ‘saṃyamaḥ,’ they are described as a process that occurs sequentially. First, we identify a topic of interest with Dhāraṇā, then we allow ourselves to be moved by its implications. This is to engage in Dhyāna. Finally, we come to a conclusion in Samādhi – one that reveals ourselves as knowers. This is a practice that can only be engaged in conjunction with the Yama-s (the first limb of Yoga), which involve giving up our interpretive tendencies (saṃskāra-s) to investigate” (Ranganathan 2024).
6. Dhāraṇā
Concentration on the topic of grief and death after implementing the first five limbs allows for a more thorough examination and organization of the myths and facts regarding grief and death.
Myths (saṃskāra-s) about grief
The well-known 5 stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance) are a misinterpretation of the work done by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross. Kübler-Ross’s work actually focused on the stages people experienced after being diagnosed with a terminal illness and were originally referred to as the 5 stages of death. There are multiple different stages outlined on the Kübler-Ross Change Curve that can be experienced, including shock, frustration, depression, and eventually integration. Progression through these stages is not expected to be linear. The experience of grief is akin to surfing waves on the ocean, one moment you might feel fine while the next you find yourself completely overwhelmed by emotion. Believing that grief should be experienced in clean, convenient, linear stages only adds salt to the wound. Other myths about grief might include:
“Grief is only caused by the death of a loved one.”
“Sadness is the only emotional expression of grief.”
“Grief has a timeline with a set endpoint.”
“It’s rude to remind someone of their grief.”
“Grief will go away if you ignore it.”
The most important reason to acknowledge the myths and beliefs we hold about grief is that challenging what we believe to be true of how an experience “should” feel creates the space for us to be with the experience as it is. My personal journey through grief has included a wide range of emotions and deep lessons, as well as a profound appreciation for the people and experiences that bring me joy.
Acknowledging the reality of personal grief creates the space to acknowledge other types of grief that affect all life on earth. Climate grief and eco-anxiety can feel overwhelming to experience because the scale and magnitude of climate change easily leaves one feeling powerless. This is where yoga gives us hope, because yoga is not about trying to solve all of the world’s problems all at once. It is about seeing what is in one’s control, what isn’t, and what actions are available for an individual to take. For example, I, as an individual, do not have the power to stop large corporations from polluting the planet, or to stop the destruction of forests and wildlife habitats. However, I do have the power to make conscious choices about how I live, what products I choose to buy, what businesses I support, what I eat, where I travel to, and how I get there among many other choices.
Myths (saṃskāra-s) about death and dying
There are also myths about what the natural dying process looks like and what should or shouldn’t be done after someone dies. In cultures where death denial is prevalent, what happens most often in the case of natural deaths due to illness and old age is that someone gets sick and dies in a hospital or other medical facility. It has become rare for someone to die in the comfort of their own home, surrounded by family. As a result, few people are familiar with what the natural dying process looks like or how long it can take.
Palliative care versus hospice care
In the US, there are two distinct types of care available for patients nearing the end of life. Palliative care is available to offer comfort care and quality of life while still allowing a patient to receive life-extending care. For example, a cancer patient could be receiving palliative care treatment while also receiving chemotherapy. Hospice care is specifically a choice available to patients who have a prognosis of six months or less to live, without medical intervention. Meaning that if the illness is left untreated, a patient could expect to live six months or less. Often the patients who choose hospice care have either tried all life-extending medical interventions available, or the life-extending medical interventions that are available include side-effects that impact the patient’s ability to have a meaningful quality of life. Palliative care is often confused with hospice care, though they are distinctly different. Both of these options are available, however, most often patients are unaware of the differences and availability of these types of care - and medical providers who are taught to perceive death as a failure are often hesitant to discuss these options with their patients. See also: 10 Myths About Hospice Care
The controversy of medical aid in dying
Medical Aid in Dying is the use of medication that will aid one in dying on their own terms. This is not something available to everyone, everywhere. Different countries, territories, and states have different laws regarding the use of Medical Aid in Dying. In the US, there are only certain states where it is legal and the specific laws around its use vary from in each state where it is practiced. Generally, it is reserved for patients who already qualify for hospice, are at the end stages of a terminal illness, and are able to make their own medical decisions (making it inaccessible to dementia patients). However, in some countries these restrictions don’t exist. The arguments for and against individuals being allowed to end their life on their own terms are extensive and deeply rooted in beliefs about what is ethical or not.
Death and disposition
In the US, there are also many myths and misunderstandings about what is required concerning the transport of remains, embalming, and funerals. Beyond these common funeral myths there is a movement calling for home funerals, environmentally sustainable disposition such as natural burial, and other options including Natural Organic Reduction (NOR - human composting) and Alkaline Hydrolysis (water cremation).
7. Dhyāna
In the seventh limb of yoga, after concentrating on and examining these topics, the process of yoga requires one to examine one’s own thoughts, reactions, and feelings about the experience of grief and mortality. From this clear-minded space, one is able to engage their own agency and consider what the facts presented mean for them individually.
Death will come. It is not a question, but a matter of time.
How do you want to meet it?
How does that impact the way you want to make decisions while you’re alive?
How does that change the way you interact with those you share the experience of mortality with?
How best can you live the rest of your life in a way that is morally responsible to you and your loved ones?
How might this change the way you feel about loss and grief in general?
How do you want to be remembered?
Who do you want to make medical decisions for you in the event that you are incapable of speaking for yourself?
8. Samādhi
The final limb of yoga is often misinterpreted as one’s literal death, the departure of the soul from the earthly plane. In the more practical translation presented by Dr. Shyam Ranganathan, it’s about coming to a logical conclusion and knowing for oneself what decisions are right for the individual. I cannot answer the questions above for anyone but myself. However, knowing my own answers to those questions allows me to meet each day without fear, fully integrated with the future version of myself that will be composted and turned into a field of wildflowers.
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Veronica Wiley, Death Doula, Integration Coach & Yoga Instructor
Veronica Wiley (they/them) is a single parent to a teenager, a dog, and a cat. After the loss of a family member in 2021, Veronica shifted their focus to educating and guiding families through death, dying, grief, and anticipatory grief. Veronica has a BA in Music and an Outdoor Industry MBA focused on Ecotherapy in Palliative Care that includes a master's level certificate in Ecotherapy. They are an End of Life Doula and Certified Dementia Practitioner, as well as an Experienced, Registered Yoga Teacher (E-RYT) and Continuing Education Provider through Yoga Alliance (YACEP). Veronica is also a member of the Colorado End of Life Collaborative, a 501c(6) non-profit.
References:
Ranganathan, Shyam. 2008. Patañjali’s Yoga Sūtra. Haryana, India: Penguin Random House India.
Ranganathan, Shyam. 2024. Yoga - Anticolonial Philosophy. London, England: Singing Dragon.
Weller, Francis. 2015. The Wild Edge of Sorrow. Berkeley, California. North Atlantic Books.
