Written by: Erin Vogt, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
At one point, I knew I had found the answer. Something had to explain the inner confusion, relentless distraction, Rolodex of jobs, battling focus and sensory overloads. I was treated as a sad, burnt-out Mom, given anti-depressants, and the brain fog was ten times worse. Daily, I felt even-keeled and scarily numb. Even that tiny dose altered me. Not into the better person I wanted to be or the braver one. It had parked my keister into comfort and avoidance. I was an insomniac, dull, paranoid, felt a loss of sparkle, and was the queen of Mom-shame while I aced People Pleasing 101. (Cue the violin).
Fidgety and showing fake smiles in pain, my counsellor inquired why I was so deflective and distracted. I had always laughed and said, "That is my ADD talking." Joking turned into a severe contemplation, and weeks later, my assessment returned: High Functioning ADHD. Combined with my psychiatrist's evaluation of Obsessive Compulsive Personality (not OCD), Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) and prone to further bouts of Depression. My first response was, "Now, isn't that a fun bowl of alphabet soup?" To be followed by denial, frustration, and shame that eventually led to finding joy and self-acceptance.
Through this diagnosis experience, I realized my mental health comorbidities had a semblance. A switch finally went off. I could understand why I was more susceptible to Depression and living with unknown anxiety could result from living with ADHD all those years. I discovered that nearly 50% of adults diagnosed with ADHD experience some anxiety disorder. [1] Even more disturbing was reading that only 20% of adults sought professional help.
Tying the Pieces Together
My behaviour patterns started to make sense, and I was in a more empowered position to make effective changes. Feeling as though I did not measure up to my peers or family members, I masked my true personality to fit in. The people with ADHD I meet while networking and coaching share the same tone: "I never feel like I truly fit in anywhere."
I've come to understand that lacking this sense of belonging may be because we feel forced to adapt to fit in. Adaptability is one angle we, as ADHD'ers, shine (we love change and pressure) and also, we feel compelled to adapt to people and situations not even suitable for us. Wanting to feel the rush of dopamine, we switch around jobs, relationships, hobbies, and obsessions. Consistency is a struggle, and time either runs warp-speed where we are on the catch-up train, or it lags on and on, and a turtle appears to move faster than said tedious task.
At the time of my diagnosis, I was mid 30's and had overcome four depressive episodes, including two bouts of post-partum Depression. I became fanatical in researching what I "had" and how I could improve my life. Books, podcasts, webinars, Ted Talks, interviewing friends, social media rabbit holes, and YouTube became my obsessions. Reading and hearing materials that normalized the chaos was constructive and heart-warming.
Moving Forward Intentionally
Years later, I dove into transformation and got clarity around my habits. I got quiet with my thoughts, lit up journals, Zoom rooms, learned to laugh, and eventually could love this part of myself.
I'll never forget the first aha moment realizing I was not alone in my patterns.
"You mean others lose track when setting the table, get lost in parking lots, forget to send cards, pay bills on time, smile and nod they live "present" yet struggle to focus on one topic? Not just teens? Adult life with ADHD exists. Seriously?"
I like to call it ADDulting.
It turns out it was not just me. Well, fancy that! There's a "name" for it—a label giving context to past disasters and victories dating back to preschool. Maybe I'm not destined to be the strange duck forever, and other fantastic duckies may join me in my homey sparkle pond, where you know there will be dancing. Fortunately, such magic has occurred. By the grace of God, I have received the most incredible opportunities and circles of friends since I learned how to accept and no longer deny my true authentic self.
Adapting habits to suit a distracted mind and spontaneous attitude and calling 'squirrel' every 42 seconds is not the most straightforward task. And it is worth every effort. I remain grateful for the pitfalls and challenging lessons that allow me to live in the same headspace as my clients. Such accurate empathy is necessary within any coaching relationship.
The past six years have been a whirlwind of emotions and creative zest. Finally, answering a decade-long calling of becoming a Coach for women who are overwhelmed and exhausted. Once I had this understanding, I knew that moving forward to establish my best level of health (i.e. mental, physical, social and emotional) was a necessary goal to be at my best in all areas of life. Habit change has been an arduous back-and-forth process, far from linear and also a beautiful journey.
Growing Awareness of ADHD
Today, the internet is ripe with reels, Tik Toks, Instagram carousels and videos to see that we are not alone in our ADHD challenges. It is refreshing to laugh at our quirks. Let's face it; our actions can be pretty ridiculous and hilarious. It's encouraging for those who are on their discovery path. It feels enlightening to be in the company of driven, creative and impactful entrepreneurs who desire to lead the world in transforming mindsets and old paradigms around understanding mental health, human behaviour and habit change. We must continue creating and expanding the conversations in this growing ADHD community so we can find our authentic voices and truly belong.
This quote by ADHD and Executive Function Coach Anna Dafna beautifully summarizes what we, living with ADHD, get to focus on: "Be grateful for every test...and all its challenges, visualize how you want your life to be, focus on what you want to achieve, trust your abilities, take the difficult road and believe in yourself."
Finding focus and calm in our day requires work; however, it doesn't have to cost anything but attention and time. Learning to manage stress and overwhelm is possible when intentionality is at play.
Here are 8 Ways to Activate Calm in Stressful Times
Get outside and move your body. Let nature offer answers to what overwhelms you. Leave your smartphone and smartwatch at home when outdoors for a walk or jog.
Focus on what you hear in 10-second increments. Pause, reflect and repeat.
Find one physical object in your home that has meaning. Create focus around its shape, colours, size and texture —zone in on the simplicity and memories of what this object represents.
Grab your water and a snack. Adults with ADHD can forget to eat and hydrate properly. Hours of continuous work and hyper-focused activity can affect habits of daily living.
Watch a child or animal play, and where possible, play with them. Remember that you once were a carefree child as well. There's no shame in reliving this curious, joyful part of you.
Gather your thoughts in one place. Write whatever is on your mind now. Grab any loose piece of paper (i.e., a straggly receipt in your purse) and just let your pen move. Play music if you like, and feel the flow of what your emotions are telling you. Your thoughts dictate feelings, which inform your actions. Your actions dictate your behaviours, which inform your behaviours and carve your habits.
Phone a friend. Old school, not texting or sending direct messages. Use voice exchange to share tone and context about what you're going through. You deserve such attention from a loving family member or friend.
Offer yourself grace. What have you accomplished today that is worth celebrating? Go for ABC - (A) Always (B) Be (C) Celebrating. No matter what you crushed or flopped, consider the action as progress. After all, Nelson Mandela graced us with this quote: "I never lose. I either win or I learn".
Create clarity around your racing thoughts by downloading Erin Vogt's Guidebook: 6 Essential Ways to Calm Your ADHD Mind, here.
Follow me on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, and visit my website for more info!
Erin Vogt, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Erin Vogt is a Transformation Coach focused on mental wellness for women. Overcoming years of extreme stress and depression, Vogt helps women create freedom from overwhelm and exhaustion by making lasting changes in their health habits. She shows women how to unshackle from guilt and shame to find their authentic voice and confidently own their life. Erin is the Founder of Beyond Mom Club and runs the Creating Freedom for Women Community.
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