Written by Carol Conroy, Faith-Based Life Coach
Carol Conroy is a highly passionate, deeply purposeful ICF accredited Faith-Based Life Coach who for the past five years has dedicated her life and soul to seeing others grow in theirs! Carol speaks, writes, and leads. She has created the "Tackling Your 10%” program that takes individuals struggling with anxiety and fear, and journeys with them to a place of peace and purposeful living.
Hello, my name is Carol Conroy, and if you are like me, then you are a deeply devoted Faith Lady. Yes, that is how I would describe myself: someone who has been into and is devoted to their faith values. And as such, with these values meaning so much to me, I pursued a career of faith-based life coaching — primarily with women — and primarily with women who are struggling in some area of their life with a word that seems in contrast with our core faith concept: Anxiety.
Because as women of faith, aren't we supposed to be living a life full of freedom and peace? Then why-oh-why is there so much life struggle, stress and — here it is again — anxiety?
Well, that really is the start of my real journey, and one that I have written and spoken about a ton. But for today, we are going to focus on seven keywords that really help explain “why” we have so much stress, struggle and anxiety in our faith-based life.
It begins by explaining the words we are all after
1. Peace — and that there isn't just one type; there are actually three
Really? Yes, really. The first type of peace is called eternal peace. This occurs when we choose to believe that Jesus is the Son of God, we get covered in God's grace, and we receive the gift of eternal life with God. (Sound familiar to anybody?) :)
We are covered by the blood of Jesus and will go to Heaven, no matter what happens from hereafter on Earth. We have gone from being “Spiritually Dead” to being a “Spiritual Infant,” regardless of how old we are physically. So, yes, welcome to the first type of peace: eternal peace that comes by the one grace-based choice to believe.
The second one comes as we work toward what we read a ton about in God's Word:
righteousness. Yes, once we are saved by that one grace-based choice to believe, and our journey as a baby infant Christian has begun, along come new choices and options to “grow our soul” and gain “spiritual maturity.”
This develops in me the next type of peace: internal peace. And it happens as I leave doing and choosing things I may not have even known were unhealthy for my soul and begin to replace them with healthy/holy options based on what God’s Word says will bring along “Spiritual Development.”
This internal peace is all choice-based, and requires us to make and take new ways, based on what God's Word alone says is best. This increases the internal peace in me, and develops me spiritually or righteously.
I will not touch on the third type of peace today, but will pivot on to the next word we women of faith need to know, but likely have not heard preached on from any pulpit. It is a word that is pivotal and powerful and is a big “why” behind all our stress and anxiety. And that word is …
2. Motives
Yes, the Bible is literally littered with ideas, parallels, and verses that prove that the motive of what we do is the biggest factor in determining if it is healthy (or holy) for you. The Pharisees were such a great example of this! They did all the “right things” on the surface, but the “why” or motive behind what they did was spiritually incorrect, or as I oh-so-professionally say, ”smelly.”
God called what they offered Him a “stench” to Him instead of a “pleasant aroma.” And the reason why, the real motive behind it, was because they were actually not into seeking His approval but aiming to attain …
3. Aprroval
Of…other…people. Ahhh, did you know that this phrase is frequently, consistently and deeply in dialogue in the Bible? That this smelly motive of so many of those past chief priests and Sadducees was sadly to do and say things to make other people see them in a certain light or way?
And what is just as interesting is just how much, often and frequently we are currently aiming for the very same thing in our world and society. We often call this draw to have others see us positively (or at least not negatively) as the deep-seated need to people-please.
And maybe, and mostly, and very likely, we are seeking it with:
4. Ignorance
Yes, it's true that there really is “nothing new under the sun.” That in God’s word He has clearly shown each and every one of us that underneath whatever we might feel is best or correct or “safest” for us can really be “spiritually off” because it's based on the wrong motives in our soul — and we do not even know. It is being done fully unintentional.
I love how Paul is such a great example of this! How he recognized that he was totally ignorant of what he was doing, but doing it all because that is what life had “taught and told” him was the correct, safe and the best thing to do!
And it is just like that for us in our world today too.
I came to see, through my own journey, and after hearing dozens of others, that we have all been through so many hard things in life: trauma, pain, hurt, challenge, change — and from these experiences, often going way back to our childhood, we developed beliefs that ‘“taught and tell” us what is “bad” and what is “good.”
They create a powerful need to have the people around us happy, not upset and very, very pleased (hence, all the people who say they are “people pleasers” – and according to the Bible, we easily and sometimes even eagerly do pursue that, but can be totally unaware we are even choosing that).
Yes, there are people who have had their “hand tapped” so often in their past that they have learned to not do or say anything that makes anyone see them in a negative way. Or you might be like me, who received a lot of “hand claps” and “learned from life” early on to do and say things that make people look at you in a positive way!
(For me, life experiences taught me to always be pretty, productive, perfect and make a profit — much more about this on my website.)
But was I consciously aware of this? No! I was being like Paul, “zealously” led by something in my soul, even when I didn’t even think to look for it, let alone ever attempt to tend to it. And through all those life experiences, comments, “claps and taps,” I (like everyone else) had developed in me unintentional motives that at first I couldn't see, but eventually became clear that they were grounded in …
5. Fear
Hmm, that word is powerful. And yet, God's Word speaks a lot on this too. We all seem to have “smelly motives” in us; they are mostly unintentionally in us, but they boil down to listening to the fear in us (slave/child).
Whether it is the fear of failure, judgment, rejection or the unknown, we are all working towards keeping those fears away and will do things, anything, to keep them at bay. This is where “irrationality" can appear, and so does that first word we read at the beginning of this piece: deep-seated, long-standing soul-level anxiety.
So, now can you see how you can be a faith-based lady with eternal peace, headed to Heaven, and yet? Because of unintentional motives in you (due to the trauma and the past you have been through), you are unintentionally living off “beliefs” that developed and appeared because of that powerful word: Fear?
“Beliefs” that tell you things that start with “I can't” or “I have to.”
And here are a few examples for you:
“I can't have others disappointed in me.”
”I have to always keep the peace.”
”I can't say the opposite opinions of anyone.”
”I have to do what others want me to.”
And so on and so on…
Yikes! Do any of those sound familiar to you? I bet they do, ‘cause they did to me too — false beliefs that feel true from that fear in you.
And so, what can we now do with this challenging truth?
Well, head back to the source of all truth: the Bible. And what is so good that our good God gives us another word — a better word — and we have heard it in His Word a ton. And it is the powerful word of …
6. Courage
Yes! I always assumed (and most people answer this when I ask them to) “courage” meant doing things because you feel brave already — and yet? The opposite is correct! The definition of courage is:
“Not the absence of fear — it is the mastery of it.”
And so, this little faith-based word holds the key concept to “unlock” the smelly fear thoughts and beliefs that are blocking us from 1) developing spiritually; 2) experiencing that internal peace fully; and 3) ditching all this fear-based anxiety.
And it reflects that there are really two voices out there: God’s and fear. And just “who will master you?”
We will soon see that there is a reality that we will have to stop, think, listen to that “fear-voice” and make a totally new …
7. Choice
It's true. And these are two truths: “The number one language in life is fear” (i.e. everyone has something they are afraid of: failure … rejection … abandonment … judgment – trust me, even pastors answer “10/10” on the Fear Worksheet!), but “The number of tools in life is choice.”
Our first choice was to believe that Jesus is the Son of God and receive that eternal peace. The next ones come as we face our fear and choose courage with action words: to do and say the things opposite of what our fear falsely tells us is “safest” to choose!
This is where I begin to work with people to work on (and work out) those “smelly” fear-based false beliefs. Those “I have tos and I can'ts” we highlighted — and to face each one, courageously do the opposite of it, and reteach your brain you really do not need to stay spiritually stuck, believing it.
For example, if one of your “I have tos” is “I can’t say things others don't agree with,” then I would challenge you to do the opposite of that, and say something that you know someone would not agree with, but for you is true and authentic.
This is what I call “Prove to Improve” your life — and at first? It is so hard. And yet, if you prayerfully push through it? You can break free from that false fear-based belief!
Oh, I know everyone has a strong story in their soul as to why these beliefs are inside them. But as I said, when we choose courage and tiptoe into doing the opposite of them, there is a slow change in the degree of how much we actually believe them! Yes!! That belief shifts, shrinks and slowly disappears from our brain.
And I say, “Welcome to the wonderful new mindset of Christ for you!!”
And all the benefits that come with that too: freedom ... peace … and way less anxiety.
I have so many examples of so many people that this has helped and transformed their life! But the first person I ever did this faith-based process with was?
Me.
I too had an inner journey to do. But it was applying these words and concepts that literally transitioned me from a life of internal stress and anxiety to a life of true inner confidence, increased capacity, crisp clarity and crackling creativity!! And it all came from facing my fears instead of running.
I began to choose courage, just as God's Word said, to change my heart, soul and head. To apply my choices from His truth. To not let fear shout in my ear — but choose a better voice and daily make a new choice.
Internal peace was always there waiting for me. I just needed to first see the smelly motives in my soul —- see that they were unintentional, and then? Intentionally do the opposite of them!
I know that this may all seem too far off and far too “big” for you, and I get that. I fully do! Today was a chance to take a pause and a glance and offer some hope to you. To examine some words you may have never thought of before and talk about how they appear and are defined by the Lord. To follow them through and see if they resonate with you … intrigue you … excite you … challenge you too.
Because God truly does have a purposeful plan for you, but the first piece is to break from pain and anxiety … to grow spiritually … to enter that internal peace … and then land in the deep place of purpose He has in store for you.
I'm so keen to see this soul-shift for everybody. And so, I am including a small testimony of a young lady who chose to take the time to find that fear, face that fear and become? Free from her fear.
I challenge you to read, brew, and dare to believe that you too could live a full, faith-based, peaceful life with no anxiety.
Take a look at those words, find the ones that speak the most to you, and then? It just might be time to pray and ask God what He is calling you … to … choose.
“The fears, I had felt like they took up most of my mental capacity; it was the root of my thoughts, reasoning and decision making. My mind was always preoccupied with my fears, which left me less capable to think about impacting others meaningfully. Unlearning all the fears has been like a cement block removed from my mind. I feel genuinely free and filled with peace. Now I have the mental capacity to be thinking about others' hurts and needs and how to impact them, and how to thoughtfully appear in their life. Most of all I have the testimony that a peace-filled life with Jesus is real.” (Jacynda, age 24)
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Read more from Carol Conroy
Carol Conroy, Faith-Based Life Coach
Carol Conroy is a full-time Faith-Based Life Coach — with a lifetime full of mistakes and mess-ups! Her personal journey has taken her from being a full-time mom to a woman with a full-on mission to impact others with God's vision. Carol’s “Tackling Your 10%” program successfully takes souls struggling with anxiety, self-worth, and fear and clears up their head and heart to get them moving on to the fun part — first, a life full of peace. And then, better yet? One full of purpose. Using humor and humility, Carol guides her clients to develop and mature spiritually, all through learning new God-based truths. Her coaching goal at the front end? That her clients “will never see her again.” Come ready to read, see, and hear these simple, yet effective, concepts that just may get you shifting in your soul too.
