Written by Rudo Tsvakai Maritsa, Director
Rudo Maritsa is the heart and soul behind Everlight Stories a service dedicated to preserving memories of your deceased loved ones ensuring each narrative is a true reflection of your loved one legacy. Rudo is a speaker on issues related to navigating grief bringing message of hope and healing through preserving memories.
As the world ushers in a new year filled with fresh hopes and resolutions, those grieving the loss of a loved one may find themselves feeling out of sync with the celebrations. Navigating this season of "new beginnings" can be overwhelming when your heart is still holding on to what was. But even in the midst of loss, there are gentle ways to honour your grief while finding steady ground in the year ahead.
For some, the new year may bring a deep sense of sorrow, another reminder that time is moving forward without someone who once played an irreplaceable role in their lives. Studies have shown that the beginning of a new year can amplify feelings of loneliness and sadness, especially after a significant loss (An investigation of the relationship of personality, coping, and grief intensity among bereaved mothers - PubMed).
As we settle into the new year, it is important to remember that grief does not operate on a timeline, and the expectation to "move on" can feel unrealistic and even dismissive of the pain, turmoil, and deep love that remains. Research suggests that grief is an ongoing process rather than a stage to be completed. Rather than trying to suppress grief, embracing it as part of the healing journey can create space for both remembrance and renewal.
This article explores practical ways to settle into the new year while honouring your loss, finding small steps towards healing, and allowing hope to coexist with sadness.
1. Setting gentle intentions
As we step into the new year, grieving individuals may feel societal pressure to set ambitious resolutions, which in itself can be overwhelming, especially when navigating the deep sorrow of grief. Traditional New Year’s resolutions often emphasize drastic change, but grief demands a gentler approach. The idea of self-improvement, goal-setting, or embracing a “new beginning” may seem disconnected from the reality of loss, making resolutions feel more like an obligation than a source of motivation.
When grieving, simply making it through the day can be an achievement in itself. Harvard Health suggests that instead of forcing traditional resolutions, those experiencing grief may benefit from setting gentle, compassionate intentions that prioritize self-care and emotional healing. These intentions don’t need to be grand gestures; they can be small, meaningful steps that support well-being. This could include dedicating quiet time for reflection, journaling about memories, seeking professional support through grief counseling, or engaging in activities that provide comfort, such as nature walks, creative expression, or connecting with a trusted friend.
By shifting the focus from rigid goals to personal well-being, the new year becomes less about pressure and more about creating space for healing. It’s about recognising that grief is not something to be “fixed” or left behind with the old year, but rather a journey to be honoured with patience and self-compassion.
Remember, your loved one would want you to continue living, not to stop the day they did. Grief can feel overwhelming and make even the simplest tasks difficult. Setting and pursuing goals while grieving requires a different approach, one rooted in self-compassion and flexibility. Instead of striving for major achievements, focusing on small, meaningful, and manageable goals can foster a sense of stability and progress without adding unnecessary pressure.
2. Prioritise your grief-work using a calendar
Starting a new year while grieving can feel overwhelming, but organising your grief-work using a calendar can provide structure and a sense of control. By intentionally scheduling time for reflection, remembrance, and self-care, you create space to process your emotions in a manageable way. Research shows that structured routines can aid in emotional regulation and coping during bereavement (The_Dual_Process_Model_of_Coping_with_Be20160316-28310-nsyph-libre.pdf).
A calendar not only helps you prioritise your healing but also balances your grief with day-to-day responsibilities, ensuring you don't feel consumed or isolated by your loss. It is important to block off self-care time or simply allow yourself free time to do as you wish. Instead of just scheduling things you have to do, use your calendar to plan what you need to do to support yourself this year. Knowing what you are going to do on certain days may help reduce your anxiety.
Holidays are some of the toughest terrains to navigate after a loss. Finding meaning in loss is as individual as we are. It is often said, “A part of us died with them,” but finding meaning is also realising that a part of them “still lives within us.”
Holidays are part of the grieving journey that must be fully felt. They are usually very sad, but sometimes people catch themselves doing okay and may even have a brief moment of laughter. Now more than ever, don’t do more than you want, and don’t do anything that does not serve your soul, your loss, or the meaning that still lives within you.
3. Prioritise micro goals over big goals
When you're in the depths of grief, it can feel like there are no wins, just an endless cycle of getting through each day. Simple tasks that once felt effortless now seem overwhelming, and even small moments of relief are fleeting. Each day can feel like a battle, where just getting out of bed or facing the world requires more strength than you think you have. The weight of loss can make it seem like you're stuck in a fog, with no clear path forward. But even in these moments, showing up for yourself, no matter how small the step, is a quiet victory.
Breaking larger tasks into smaller, more manageable steps while dealing with grief increases motivation and reduces stress (Celebrating the little wins - what productivity looks like when grieving). Instead of setting broad, long-term goals like "be happier this year" or "completely heal from grief," consider more specific and achievable steps, such as writing in a journal once a week, taking a short walk in nature a few times a week, or checking in with a friend or support group monthly.
Micro goals create a sense of accomplishment without feeling overwhelming.
4. Be kind to yourself and adjust expectations
Grief is unpredictable. Some days will be harder than others, making it important to adjust expectations accordingly. Grief often brings a flood of emotions, such as sadness, anger, guilt, and confusion, and it can be easy to fall into patterns of self-criticism, especially when you feel like you’re not coping "well enough" or moving forward as quickly as you think you should. However, being hard on yourself only adds to the emotional burden.
Instead, practicing self-compassion allows you to recognise that grief is not a linear process. Some goals may take longer to achieve, and others might need to be adjusted or even set aside entirely for the time being. It’s okay if some goals take longer than expected or need to be modified. What matters most is honouring where you are in your journey rather than forcing yourself toward a timeline of "healing" that doesn’t reflect your true feelings.
It’s also important to remember that kindness toward yourself involves acknowledging that nothing could have changed the outcome of your loved one’s death. When their time on this earth came to an end, no amount of effort, love, or care could have prevented it. Accepting this truth can be incredibly difficult, but it can also be a step toward releasing feelings of guilt or regret. The reality is that when the number of days allotted to them ran out, they would have left this world, even if the circumstances had been different.
Grief is a reflection of the love and connection you shared, and navigating it with patience, self-compassion, and kindness is one of the most important ways to honour both your loved one and yourself.
5. Nurturing yourself and your family through grief
Grieving the loss of a loved one is a deeply personal journey, but it also affects the entire family. Nurturing yourself and your family through grief involves creating a supportive environment where emotions can be expressed openly and compassionately.
Eating healthy foods, exercising, reflecting, and getting plenty of sleep can help maintain both your physical and emotional health. The grieving process can take a toll on one’s body, so it is important to check in with your loved ones and ensure they are taking the necessary steps to maintain their own well-being.
Prioritise self-care by recognising your own needs while also supporting the emotional and mental well-being of family members. Encourage honest conversations, share memories, and allow space for each person to grieve in their own way. Research highlights that families who grieve together and maintain strong connections often experience healthier coping and resilience during bereavement (Loss, Grief, and Resilience | Psychology Today Australia).
By balancing your healing with the needs of your loved ones, you foster a sense of unity and strength as you navigate this difficult time together.
6. Take a media break
While staying informed about current events is important, constant exposure to distressing news, especially stories about disasters, tragedies, or even other people’s grief, can amplify your own feelings of sadness, anxiety, and overwhelm. The media, whether through television, online news outlets, or social media, often highlights the most alarming and emotional content, making it difficult to find mental space for healing. When you're grieving, this overload of negative information can exacerbate feelings of helplessness and emotional fatigue, making it even harder to process your own loss.
Setting healthy boundaries around your media consumption is a crucial act of self-care. Consider designating specific times of the day to check the news or limiting your exposure to certain platforms altogether. You might also adjust your social media feeds to minimise content that feels overwhelming, unfollowing accounts that trigger distress and following ones that offer positivity, inspiration, or support instead.
Taking intentional breaks from the media allows you to create space for more nurturing activities. Distract and soothe your mind by engaging with content that brings comfort and joy, whether it’s watching a lighthearted or humorous video, diving into a compelling novel, or re-watching a favorite movie that offers familiarity and warmth. These activities are not frivolous or disrespectful to your grief; rather, they are necessary for emotional balance.
It’s important to remember that laughter and joy are not betrayals of your grief. Grief and happiness can coexist within you, each taking up space in different moments. Allowing yourself to experience both emotions, whether it’s shedding tears in one moment and smiling in the next, can be incredibly healing. Embracing this duality helps you honour the depth of your loss while also recognising the beauty and light that still exist in the world around you.
7. Preserve their story and legacy
As you settle into the new year, consider channeling your grief into a meaningful project that preserves the memory and legacy of your loved one. This could take many forms: creating a photo album or scrapbook filled with cherished moments, compiling their favorite recipes into a family cookbook, or even starting a blog or journal where you share stories about their life and the lessons they taught you.
Depending on how they lived their life, some may consider organizing a community event, scholarship, or charity initiative in their name, reflecting the causes or values they were passionate about. These projects not only honour their life but also provide a tangible way to keep their spirit alive, offering comfort and a sense of purpose as you move forward in your grief journey.
You might also consider writing a memorial book about their life and achievements. Everlight Stories is here to help you through the journey. Get in touch — Everlight Stories.
Final thoughts on managing grief
Managing goals while grieving is not about achieving perfection or rapid transformation. It’s about finding ways to gently move forward while honoring your emotions and the memory of your loved one. By setting compassionate, flexible goals, prioritizing self-care, and allowing space for both progress and setbacks, you can navigate the new year in a way that nurtures both healing and hope.
Read more from Rudo Tsvakai Maritsa
Rudo Tsvakai Maritsa, Director
Rudo Maritsa transformed her personal loss into a powerful mission to help others preserve the memories of their loved ones through beautifully crafted narrative books. Rudo began her journey after a gut-wrenching experience of losing her 13-year-old son from brain cancer. This profound and life-changing experience ignited a passion in preserving memories helping others find peace and connection in the enduring stories of those who are dear to their hearts. As Director of Everlight stories, Rudo is on a mission to ensure legacies of loved ones continue to inspire and comfort future generations. At Everlight Stories their motto is "lets keep the light of our memories shining bright!"
