Written by: Belynder Walia, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
The way we view ourselves can dramatically affect how we operate in the world. If we doubt our self-image, it can affect our job performance, friendships, and relationships. In some cases I have worked with, I have found that people self-sabotage because they are not happy with how they feel or appear. For instance, one client, sadly, had always felt ‘not good enough’ and unattractive because of being bullied. She held on to that memory, and later in life, she would not take care of her self-image. Instead, she allowed herself to conform to the bullies’ label.
Often we get stuck in our heads and the problems that bedevil us. We are our own worst critics, and it’s hard to overcome these feelings at times. Questions of self-doubt arise: How could I be so stupid? Why can’t I learn this? What happened with that friendship? Why didn’t they like me? These thoughts often lead to self-image issues, as it’s hard to see yourself as anything more than this small construct of negative thoughts.
There are some simple techniques to help combat these old notions. I’ve identified the top seven ways to combat the lack of confidence regarding your self-image and give suggestions to improve your self-esteem and overall confidence, which will help you overcome limitations in your life.
1. Set Goals for Yourself
One of the best ways to build your self-image is by achieving short-term goals, no matter how small. When you make a conscious effort to achieve something and then succeed, you’ll feel better about yourself. If you set goals for yourself and then accomplish them, it will give you some momentum toward building your self-image. The idea of ‘feeling good – looking good’ begins to set in.
2. Do Something Good for Someone Else
Doing something good for someone else will help make them feel better about themselves, making you feel good about yourself. You’ll realise that even if things don’t always go the way you planned, there are other ways to create value. For example, assisting someone within healthy boundaries makes a feel-good factor from knowing you have achieved and changed something for the better. It boosts confidence, relieves dopamine, and gives you a sense of purpose, belonging, and acceptance. Likewise, allowing a person to feel enthusiastic enough to appreciate themselves helps you learn to nurture yourself.
3. Stop Comparing Yourself to Others
We are all different, and I like to believe extraordinary in our own way. Therefore, comparing yourself to others negatively will make things worse for the most part because there will always be someone prettier, more educated, more wealthy, and more popular. When one looks for differences, one finds them. However, it is important to remember that YOU have things that the other person may wish THEY had too! Once you identify this, you are tuning into the inner praise psyche. It’s important to hold onto those thoughts.
4. Surround Yourself With Positive Influences
If you learn to appreciate, value, and recognise the good stuff, others around you will point those things out too. Fundamental physics tells us ‘like attracts like’. If friends, family, or loved ones share this about you and are positive, learn to appreciate their views. People who understand what you’re going through and know how to comfort and encourage you when you are feeling down or not feeling so good about yourself should be appreciated. If they show an understanding, allow yourself to listen and value their kindness. It’s so easy to take others for granted. Therefore, if you have honesty around you, it’s because you are displaying sincerity towards those who care about you and value that about yourself.
5. Know Your Intention
It is important to clarify your intention about yourself. A good strategy is to ask yourself: Do I compare my body or looks to others so I can feel better about myself? Or is it because I genuinely want to improve my health? Often, people find fault in themselves to feel better about themselves. This is counterproductive since the focus is still on how consistently you are self-criticising, which keeps you stuck in the same cycle! The best way to let those thoughts go is by recognising what you do like about yourself. Do ‘mirror work’: look at your reflection every day to identify something new that you like about yourself. Even if it’s the same thing, it’s okay.
6. Social Media Itself-Image
Some people do not realise it, but adverts and beauty images in magazines and social media can trigger self-doubt if you are constantly exposed to them. It’s important to have limited exposure. On occasion, take a social media diet. Or change your algorithms controlling what you are exposed to. For instance, if you show any interest in art, that will be what will keep showing up on your social media timeline. Find other interests which aren’t triggered for your self-image. If you draw your focus to something other than self-image and distract your mind, you will learn to focus attention on things that are of more significance to you.
7. Focus on Receiving Positivity
Think about what you’re putting into yourself. If you build yourself up, others will have no choice but to do so. Where do you currently see your flaws? Take a stand and start accepting and believing in the favourable aspects of yourself, instead of holding on to the opposing ideas. Appreciate the good: for instance, if someone compliments you, accept it and learn to say thank you. Learn to be your own best friend.
Belynder Walia, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Belynder Walia is a leading Psychotherapist, helping people who need a swift, effective solution to a current problem that negatively impacts their lives. She's worked with a wide variety of people, from stay-at-home carers to experts and celebrities in the public eye. Having suffered Perinatal Anxiety, she focused on enabling others to learn, heal and grow from pain. Belynder is the founder of Serene Lifestyles, an online psychotherapy practice at www.serenelifestyles.com. Her ground-breaking methods include a combination of Psychotherapy and Neuroplasticity to help rewire the THREE Brains (the head, the heart, and the gut). She has been featured in many publications, including Forbes, Cosmopolitan, Harpers Bazaar, The Moment, Planet Mindful, Thrive Global, and The London Economic. Belynder is also writing her first non-fiction book, lessons on Anxiety, providing quick fixes to help people radically change their minds so that they can change their life.
