Written by: Jane Haridat, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Guilt is a tricky feeling that sneaks into our hearts when we believe we've done something wrong. It's like a little alarm in our minds, telling us we've crossed a line we set for ourselves or our community. I recently discovered how deeply rooted guilt is and how it has ruled my private and business lives. I felt guilty about everything. About not taking massive action 24/7 and taking rest instead. Feeling guilty about earning money. Even feel guilty about earning my money by helping others overcome sexual abuse after overcoming abuse myself. Not to mention my feelings of guilt towards my children because I was never a homestay mom.
I even felt guilty about feeling guilty.
Oh boy, I had to sit down and chew for a few days on that ongoing feeling of guilt. Guilt likes to stick around obviously. You might recognize yourself in my story.
But why does guilt stick around, and how does it affect us and our work?
Understanding guilt
Think of guilt in two ways: the good kind and the not-so-good kind. The good kind helps us know right from wrong. It guides us to make things right when we mess up. However, too much of this feeling, the not-so-good kind, can make us feel awful for too long. It messes with how we see ourselves and how we make choices. And it makes us behave like victims, blaming others for things they didn't cause. Because guilt needs a way to be released, it often involves blaming others.
Where is the guilt coming from?
This feeling comes from different places:
When we were young, our families and the places we grew up taught us what's okay and what's not. That stays with us, making us feel guilty when we don't meet those rules. And we all know that the rules are uncountable in our upbringing.
We each have our own ideas about what's right. When we don't match up to those beliefs, guilt shows up.
Sometimes, we care so much about others that we don't want to hurt them by telling the truth, for example. If we hurt someone we care about, that guilt can stick around. Nobody likes to see the hurt in other people's eyes.
Sometimes, we expect too much from ourselves. When we can't meet those super-high standards, guilt jumps in.
If we doubt ourselves, guilt easily takes its part in our lives.
Sometimes we don't allow ourselves to enjoy life to the fullest because others choose not to enjoy theirs.
This list can be made even longer. You might recognize more moments in your life.
The tremendous impact of guilt on our lives and work
This feeling can make life and work tricky:
Guilt can make us feel stressed or sad for a long time. It can even make us physically unwell, making it harder to do our best. It paralyzes us sometimes to act.
It might make talking with others tough. We might feel distant or unsure about our friendships or work connections.
It lowers our self-esteem. We feel small instead of powerful.
In our jobs, guilt can stop us from making good choices or sharing ideas. It can make teamwork harder, slowing down the good stuff we can do together. People walk on eggs all the time instead of feeling relaxed and happy in each other's company.
No need to mention that remaining in a state of guilt put its toll on our business and team-spirit and probably the cashflow.
Guilt makes intimacy from the heart difficult. It shuts down the heart, increasing the guilt even more. You might end up in a negative spiral not wanting to experience love and intimacy anymore.
7 tips to deal with guilt
Just be honest towards yourself and others. Admit that you feel guilty and discover where the guilt comes from. It's okay to feel this way, but remember, it doesn't define us. Acknowledge and embrace the guilt.
If we've hurt someone, saying sorry and making things right can help ease the guilt and improve the relationship.
Mistakes teach us. Instead of dwelling on them, let's learn, forgive ourselves and others and move on. We're only human, after all.
Doing things we love and looking after ourselves helps. It could be meditation, hobbies, or simply taking time for ourselves.
Sharing our feelings with close friends or seeking help from experts can give us new ways to handle guilt.
Take a notebook and write down all the consequences for your private and business lives if you don't quit the guilt. Write down all the benefits as well. Make the right choice and move on.
Last but not least. Know that guilt is as old as mankind. It is, therefore, intergenerational and not your fault. You just inherited it from the ancestors as they did from theirs. Take a deep breath and let go.
In the end, guilt doesn't have to run our lives or work. By understanding it, accepting mistakes, and being kind to ourselves, we can turn guilt into a way to grow. Let's be gentle with ourselves, learn from our slip-ups, and use guilt as a step toward becoming better, both personally and professionally.
Let guilt go and grow the love and intimacy. Here are 5 extra wonderful tips to guilt-free light up your love journey.
Jane Haridat, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Jane Haridat is a well-known passionate spiritual teacher, healer of sacred sexuality and soul embodiment, a multidimensional medium, writer, and motivational speaker. She is also doing wedding ceremonies to give couples the most unforgettable and magical experience of their life. Her mission: Raising global awareness about what sexuality truly is and how a good flow impacts all areas of our life including the success of our business. Her vision is that understanding the essence of our sexuality, creates happy independent people. Happy people make happy families. Happy families create a happy planet filled with peace and harmony. Embracing your sexuality is embracing your true self, is her strong belief.
