Gem Dentith is a Personal Transformation Consultant and the founder of Gem Dentith Global, a personal, professional, and spiritual development company. Creator of the Aligned Success Method™, Gem helps high achievers strip past conditioning and align with their true purpose for authentic, lasting success.
In a world dominated by likes, follows, and comparisons, it’s easy to confuse others’ approval with genuine success. Social media bombards us with curated snapshots of achievements and lifestyles, leaving many questioning if our lives measure up. This constant comparison traps us in a cycle of seeking validation, often leading to self-doubt and second-guessing our worth.
But here’s the truth: chasing others’ approval is a race without a finish line. What if you could rewrite the rules and live a life driven by your values and purpose?
Drawing on insights from the upcoming book Undressed: Strip Away What’s Holding You Back to Live Your Best, Purpose-Driven Life, this article uncovers seven telltale signs you might be living for others’ approval—and provides actionable steps to reclaim your authenticity and start living for you.
What does it mean to live for others’ approval?
Society often defines success by external markers like career achievements, possessions, and social validation. But this focus on external measures creates a “false self,” pulling you away from your core values, passions, and potential. Social media amplifies this, encouraging endless comparisons and fostering feelings of inadequacy.
As highlighted in Undressed, breaking free begins with recognizing how societal conditioning pushes you toward external validation. These seven signs will help you determine if you’ve prioritised others’ approval and guide you toward reclaiming your energy, focus, and authenticity.
1. You look for validation before making big decisions
If every significant decision revolves around how others—family, friends, or colleagues—might perceive you, external validation may steer your choices instead of your true desires.
For years, I was caught in this cycle. My choices were filtered through questions like, “Will this please my parents or impress my mentors?” I pursued paths that seemed successful to others, such as following in my entrepreneurial father’s footsteps, hoping to earn his approval. Yet, rather than feeling fulfilled, I felt profoundly disconnected, like I was living someone else’s life.
Rewrite the Rule: Make your voice the loudest. Start small: choose a hobby or goal that excites you without consulting others. Gradually make decisions that prioritize your joy and fulfilment. Your confidence will grow with time, and your choices will align with your authentic self.
2. You prioritize image & status over fulfillment
Many of us grow up believing that success means accumulating achievements, possessions, and prestige. Yet, this endless pursuit often leads to temporary thrills and lingering emptiness.
I chased promotions, qualifications, and upgrades to my image for years. Each achievement offered a fleeting high, but the underlying void remained. I realized that fulfilment doesn’t come from adding external accomplishments but from aligning with who you truly are.
Rewrite the Rule: Find fullness in the moment. Focus on uncovering your authentic self rather than accumulating more. Strip away layers of expectations, attachments, and societal standards. When you pause and tune into your inner self, you’ll find the contentment you’ve been chasing was within you all along.
3. You give your power away
When you let others’ opinions dictate your choices, you hand over your power. Your self-worth fluctuates with external judgments, leading to anxiety and a persistent sense of unease.
Living this way often means blurring boundaries and people-pleasing to avoid conflict. Over time, this erodes one's sense of control and leaves one disconnected from one's path.
Rewrite the Rule: Set boundaries and honour your needs. Practice saying “no” to requests or expectations that don’t align with your values. Prioritize decisions that reflect your authentic desires, building confidence in your ability to lead your life.
4. You feel lost without external milestones
When external achievements define your self-worth, life becomes an endless series of goals. Rest, relaxation, and joy take a backseat, leaving you perpetually busy but unfulfilled.
I lived this way for years, chasing milestones for the dopamine hit of achievement. Yet, the goals I pursued often didn’t resonate with my more profound purpose. Over time, I learned to prioritize milestones aligned with my authentic mission.
Rewrite the Rule: Learn to be still. Spend time connecting with your inner values and intrinsic goals. Redefine success based on your unique vision, allowing your journey to unfold authentically and purposefully.
5. You’ve lost your sense of self
Societal conditioning often disconnects us from our authentic core, encouraging us to fit into predefined roles and standards. This pressure can lead to a superficial existence, leaving us adrift and uncertain of who we truly are.
Many clients I’ve worked with struggle to distinguish their desires from societal expectations, moulding themselves to fit others’ preferences. Without a strong sense of self, decisions feel overwhelming, and life lacks direction.
Rewrite the Rule: Reconnect with your authentic self. Explore interests that resonate with your core values. Revisit hobbies, journal about moments of joy, and reflect on what truly inspires you. Rediscovering your unique identity is key to living a genuinely fulfilling life.
6. You feel pressure to keep up with others’ successes
Comparison is a trap fueled by social media, where we see others’ highlight reels and measure ourselves against them. This constant comparison can erode confidence and amplify insecurities.
True success is deeply personal and cannot be defined by others’ achievements. Competing in the “success game” is futile because your journey is unique.
Rewrite the Rule: Define success on your terms. Shift your focus inward and create a vision of success that aligns with your values and aspirations. Compare yourself to who you were yesterday and focus on your path forward.
7. You’re afraid of choosing your unique path
Choosing a life aligned with your authentic self can be daunting, especially when it defies societal norms. Fear of judgment often holds people back from pursuing unconventional paths.
True happiness lies in forging your unique journey. It may initially feel uncomfortable, but embracing this discomfort is key to growth and fulfilment.
Rewrite the Rule: Trust your unique path. Visualize your ideal life and align your actions with that vision. Surround yourself with supportive people and seek guidance when needed. Choosing faith over fear will lead to a life of meaning and purpose.
Start living for yourself today
Living authentically is a journey, not a quick fix. But you can reclaim your energy and focus with self-awareness and the willingness to shed societal conditioning. Success is subjective—what matters most is how it aligns with your values and aspirations.
Book a complimentary alignment call today if you’re ready to embrace radical authenticity and live life on your terms. Let’s break free from societal rules and unlock your true potential.
Read more from Gem Dentith
Gem Dentith, Personal Transformation Consultant & Coach
Gem Dentith is an entrepreneur, speaker, coach, and founder of Gem Dentith Global, dedicated to helping individuals achieve radical self-alignment and authentic success. Drawing on her journey from healthcare to strategic business leadership and personal transformation, Gem developed the Aligned Success Method™, a framework empowering high achievers to lead lives of purpose and resilience. Her forthcoming book, Undressed, offers tools for moving beyond external validation to live with true alignment. Gem’s work inspires leaders, entrepreneurs, and seekers to redefine success and embrace their fullest potential.
