Written by Dr. Denisa Millette, Psychologist
Dr. Denisa Millette is a psychologist specializing in trauma, anxiety, and women's health. She is the founder of DM Coaching, an online coaching platform, a psychology professor, and a private psychotherapy practice owner.
The holiday season is often portrayed as a time of joy, togetherness, and celebration. However, for many individuals, this period can evoke a starkly different reality—one where the festive lights only serve to cast deeper shadows on their sense of solitude and memories of trauma. The contrast between societal expectations of holiday cheer and the personal experiences of those who are struggling can be jarring. This article introduces practical self-care strategies to help manage trauma triggers and promote healing during this season for you and your loved ones.
The festivities can act as a trigger for traumatic memories due to the sensory cues associated with the season, such as specific songs, scents, and rituals. These cues can evoke memories of past traumatic events, including abuse, loss, or strained family dynamics. Additionally, the cultural expectation to maintain a cheerful disposition can pressure individuals to suppress their true feelings, exacerbating the distress.
Self-care is an essential step in the journey of healing from trauma. It's the act of taking time to do activities that nurture you, both physically and emotionally. By focusing on self-care, individuals can create a safe space for themselves to process and heal from traumatic experiences. Self-care after trauma is a journey that does not follow a linear path and certainly does not pause for the holidays. For some, the pressure to feel merry can exacerbate feelings of isolation and sadness. It's important to acknowledge that if you find the holidays to be a difficult time, you are not alone, and your feelings are valid.
Managing physical wellness and stress
Physical wellness is a cornerstone of self-care, especially after traumatic experiences. Engaging in regular physical activity, whether it's a brisk walk in the crisp winter air or a yoga session to center your thoughts, can significantly impact your well-being. Exercise not only helps release endorphins, which improve mood, but it also serves as a constructive way to cope with stress and anxiety that may intensify during the holidays.
Stress relief is equally important and can be achieved through various methods tailored to individual needs and preferences. Mindfulness practices and controlled breathing are powerful tools that can help ground you in the present moment, providing a respite from the hustle and bustle of the season. Simple rituals like taking a warm bath, listening to soothing music, or engaging in creative activities like drawing or journaling can offer a sense of calm and control.
It's crucial to recognize these emotions and approach them with self-compassion. Setting boundaries with family and friends, and giving yourself permission to say no, can help maintain a sense of personal space and respect your limits.
Developing a self-care plan before the holiday season is in full swing can provide a roadmap for navigating this challenging time. This plan might include scheduled downtime, a list of supportive contacts, and predetermined strategies for coping with known triggers. Remember, it's okay to reach out for professional support if you're struggling. Therapists and support groups can offer additional coping strategies and a listening ear when you need it most.
Navigating social gatherings
The festive atmosphere, social gatherings, and even certain smells or sounds can evoke memories of past traumatic experiences. However, with the right strategies, it's possible to navigate these challenges and find a sense of peace during the holidays.
Understanding triggers
A trigger is any stimulus that sets off a memory or flashback, transporting an individual back to the emotional state of their original trauma. Triggers are personal and can be unpredictable, making it important to understand one's own triggers as much as possible. Recognizing the signs of being triggered is the first step in managing them.
Creating a safety plan
Before attending any social gathering, it's helpful to have a safety plan in place. This might include identifying potential triggers, planning how to excuse oneself from a stressful situation, and having a support person to call. It's also beneficial to carry a comforting object or have a self-soothing technique ready to use if needed.
Setting boundaries
It's okay to say no. You don't have to attend every event, and it's important to prioritize your own well-being. If attending a gathering, communicate your needs and boundaries to friends or family members who will be present. This can help create an environment where you feel safe and supported.
Seeking support
Remember that you're not alone. Surround yourself with people who understand and respect your journey. Support groups, therapy, and online communities can provide additional resources and understanding during this time.
7 self-care rituals for the season
Managing trauma during the holiday season requires a compassionate and self-aware approach. Here are some strategies that can help promote healing and manage trauma triggers:
1. Recognize and validate your feelings
Acknowledge that your feelings are valid and that it's okay not to feel festive during the holidays. Understanding and accepting your emotional state is a crucial step toward healing.
2. Establish boundaries
It's important to set boundaries with family and friends regarding your participation in holiday activities. Only engage in events that feel safe and comfortable for you.
3. Create new traditions
If certain holiday traditions are triggering, consider creating new ones that are meaningful and supportive of your well-being.
4. Seek support
Surround yourself with people who understand and respect your experiences. Support groups or therapy can provide a safe space to express your feelings and receive guidance.
5. Practice self-care
Engage in activities that bring you peace and comfort. This could include reading, taking walks, practicing mindfulness, or any other activity that helps you feel grounded.
6. Plan ahead
Anticipate potential triggers and plan how to handle them. Having a strategy in place can help you feel more in control and less overwhelmed
7. Focus on the present
Mindfulness and grounding techniques can help bring you back to the present moment when you're feeling overwhelmed by traumatic memories.
Grounding techniques and mindfulness
Start with a Morning Meditation: Begin your day with a short meditation session. Even just five minutes can help set a calm tone for the day ahead. Focus on your breath and let go of any tension or stress.
Practice Gratitude: Take a moment each day to reflect on what you're thankful for. Gratitude can shift your mindset from one of lack to one of abundance, which can be incredibly uplifting, especially during the holidays.
Stay Hydrated and Eat Mindfully: With all the festive food and drinks, it's easy to overindulge. Try to stay mindful of your eating and drinking habits. Savor each sip and bite and listen to your body's signals.
Take Mindful Breaks: Throughout the day, take short breaks to simply breathe and be present. It could be a walk outside, a few stretches, or enjoying a cup of tea in silence.
Connect with Nature: Spend time outdoors. The fresh air and natural surroundings can be incredibly grounding and rejuvenating.
Seek Support: If you're feeling overwhelmed, reach out to friends, family, or a professional for support. You're not alone, and it's okay to ask for help.
End Your Day with Reflection: Before bed, spend a few minutes reflecting on your day. Acknowledge what went well and what you can improve upon. This can help you release any lingering stress and set intentions for a better tomorrow.
It's also important to recognize that trauma can have long-lasting effects, and the journey toward healing is personal and non-linear. Childhood trauma, for example, can impact adult experiences, shaping relationship patterns and contributing to issues like depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem.
During the holiday season, it's crucial to prioritize your mental health and well-being. Remember that it's okay to take a step back and care for yourself. Healing from trauma is a process, and the holiday season can be an opportunity to practice self-compassion and seek out moments of peace amidst the festivities.
Strategies for supporting loved ones through the holidays
If you have a friend or family member who is dealing with the aftermath of a traumatic event, you might feel unsure about the best way to offer support. It's about understanding that while the holidays can amplify feelings of loneliness and grief, they also offer an opportunity for healing and hope. Through empathy, patience, and the gentle art of listening, we can become a beacon of support, helping our loved ones find moments of peace and joy amidst their struggles. Here are some thoughtful ways to help your loved one navigate the holiday season with care and sensitivity.
Educate yourself about trauma
Understanding trauma is the first step in being able to support someone who is dealing with it. Trauma can manifest in various ways, including anxiety, nightmares, or avoidance of certain triggers. By educating yourself, you can develop empathy for what your loved one is experiencing and learn the appropriate ways to offer help.
Open communication channels
Encourage your loved one to express their feelings and concerns. Initiating conversations about their emotional state can provide them with a safe space to share their experiences. Be an attentive listener and offer empathy without judgment.
Respect their boundaries
It's important to respect your loved one's privacy and boundaries. They may not always want to talk or participate in holiday festivities, and that's okay. Give them the space they need and let them know you're there when they're ready.
Offer practical support
Sometimes, the best way to help is by offering practical assistance. This could be helping with holiday preparations, accompanying them to therapy sessions, or simply being there to enjoy a quiet evening together. Small acts of kindness can make a significant difference.
Encourage self-care
Remind your loved one to take care of themselves. This can include maintaining a regular sleep schedule, eating well, and engaging in activities they enjoy. Self-care is crucial for managing stress and promoting healing.
Seek professional help
If your loved one is struggling to cope, encourage them to seek professional help. Therapists and support groups can provide specialized care and strategies for dealing with trauma during the holidays and beyond.
Be patient and understanding
Recovery from trauma is a personal journey that takes time. Be patient and understand that your loved one's healing process may have ups and downs, especially during the emotionally charged holiday season.
By following these guidelines, you can offer meaningful support to your friend or family member. Remember, your presence and understanding can be a powerful source of comfort and strength for someone navigating trauma during the holidays.
At DMCoaching.life, we have created many resources to support you in this process, including our Hummingbird groups – with in-person and online group options. You can join us anytime. If you are looking for more personalized support and guidance for yourself or your loved one, book a session today. Let's work together to restore balance, rebuild lives, and effectively manage the aftermath of difficult life experiences, loss, and transition.
Dr. Denisa Millette, Psychologist
Dr. Denisa Millette is a practicing Psychologist and a Professor of Counseling Psychology with over 23 years of clinical experience. Her specialties are trauma, anxiety disorders, and women’s health.
She was recently awarded the Distinguished Professional Service Award for leadership in international trauma counseling development. Dr. Millette is a founder of the DM Coaching platform designed to support women across the globe in creating a life worth living in the aftermath of difficult life experiences. Originally, from the Czech Republic, Dr. Millette currently resides and practices in the United States and Canada.
