Written by: Mariette, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Are you struggling to make decisions?
Always doubting if you got it right?
Changing your mind each day?
Lucy hates herself for her indecisiveness. She blames it on being a Libra, the star sign known for their struggle with making decisions. But she also knows there is more to it. However, she doesn’t know what.
I talked Lucy through a range of options.
I can’t make a decision because:
“I am worried what other people will say about it.” This is a sign of low confidence.
“I always want to have the best. There might be something better out there.” The perfectionist is speaking.
"If I get it wrong, I am a failure.” This indicates a lack of self-love.
“If I get it wrong, it will be the end of the world.” A sign of a catastrophic thinker.
“This might impact me forever.” Representing a rigid attitude.
“I don’t know what’s best for me.” That is about not really knowing yourself.
“I don’t want to have the responsibility.” Fear for stepping into her own power.
With each decision, Lucy took herself through the 7 options. Once she knew what got in the way, she could make changes to her thoughts and started tackling the confusion. Clearing the confusion made her see what was going on and helped her decide.
Of course, there are occasions where you can make rash decisions or make decisions for the wrong reasons.
I can easily make a decision because:
I am impatient, and any movement is better than no movement.
I want my mind to stop racing around in circles.
I want to impress others.
I want to annoy others.
I don’t have to face the consequences, so I don’t care.
I know what is right in this situation.
I know what is right for me.
Decision-making is easy when you are self-aware, know what you want, and have an internal frame of reference. If decision-making is a challenge for you, there are ways to change that. Working with a coach can help you to do this.
What else is behind decision-making?
I was asked to say something about decision-making for a press release about a recent poll commissioned by Gala Spins. This poll showed that decision-making is leaving people stuck, wishing that someone else could choose for them even if it comes to holidays, which film to watch or what to eat for dinner.
My comments:
“Making a decision is always a big thing for some people. It doesn’t matter what the decision is about; it is about what the decision represents. A decision is a powerful act of confidence, speaking up and speaking out, excluding options, having an opinion, and taking a stance, which might evoke a reaction or a confrontation.
Fear is the emotion that is behind indecisiveness. People pleasers are always worried about what other people will say. Perfectionists will always worry that they might miss out on something better. An insecure person will always fear they got it wrong and will be confronted.
To become a better decision-maker and improve your decision-making process, you need to discover the underlying fear that makes it hard to make a decision and challenge that fear to improve your decision-making ability.”
When exposed to narcissistic or other emotional abuse, fear is a big factor. The fear to displease the abuser is paralyzing and will prevent the victim from making unbiased decisions. Usually, choices and decisions are informed by the thought patterns of the abuser in the hope that the victim is doing the right thing and can avoid a hurtful reaction.
Mariette Jansen, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Dr. Mariette Jansen is a successful coach, therapist, and blogger for over 20 years. Also, author of best-selling self-help book 'From Victim to Victor' for victims of narcissistic abuse. She grew up with a narcissistic mother and had several romantic relationships with narcissists. Her mission is to empower and educate on life skills, narcissistic abuse, and thinking patterns. She offers a free coaching session via her website. Originally from the Netherlands, she now lives in the UK.
