Written by Martina Maya, Cognitive Behavioural Hypnotherapist, Relationship Coach & Therapeutic Life Art Coach
Martina Maya, founder of HypnoBond in Zurich, specializes in Cognitive Behavioural Hypnotherapy, integrating CBT, Art Therapy, and Clinical Hypnotherapy for tailored programs. Martina collaborates with renowned clinics specializing in treating addiction and stress for UHNW individuals.
One sunny afternoon in the park, I observed a father standing passively next to the swings while his two children played. The eldest swung confidently, stealing occasional glances at his father, who was engrossed in his phone. Meanwhile, the younger one struggled. The smallest, unable to reach the ground to propel herself, looked pleadingly at her father, her face a mix of determination and tears of frustration welling in her eyes. Sensing her distress, her sibling also turned towards his father, hoping for acknowledgment. Despite their silent pleas, the father remained absorbed in his phone.
As I observed this scene, it underscored a poignant truth about the impact of parental distraction on childhood experiences. In a world where technology often competes for our attention, moments like these serve as reminders of the importance of being fully present with our loved ones, especially during the simple yet significant moments that define family bonds and shape childhood memories.
I understand that parents often use their phones to escape from the demands of daily life, including the challenges of parenting. It's a quick and convenient way to connect with the outside world, gather information, organize activities, and find moments of entertainment and relaxation. However, relying too much on screens can also lead to feelings of emptiness and disconnection, especially when it interferes with meaningful interactions with their children. It's important for parents to strike a balance, finding ways to stay connected digitally while also prioritizing quality time and genuine connections with their kids.
Why we reach for our phones: Scientific insights
Psychiatrist Gabriel Rubio from Complutense University of Madrid highlights how phone use impacts brain function, particularly the reward system. Regular phone use triggers brain chemicals that generate pleasure, reinforcing this behaviour over time. This effect is driven by two main factors: phones alter how our brains handle internal states like boredom and anxiety, and we respond to external cues, such as observing others using their phones. Each social media interaction, like a comment or a "like," provides a dopamine boost, creating a cycle where immediate gratification can lead to long-term feelings of anxiety, emptiness, and a pervasive fear of missing out.
Social media platforms exploit this dopamine-driven mechanism, akin to slot machines, by employing reward strategies designed to maximize user engagement. Algorithms personalize content based on user preferences, fostering addictive patterns that increase screen time and intensify digital reliance.
The flood of random social media information, incessant scrolling, and the habitual switching between activities—from reading to listening, checking texts, responding to emails, and back to social media—acts as a barrier to thorough understanding and immersive reading. Instead of maintaining focus and fully engaging in one task, we find ourselves frequently jumping between different stimuli. This constant bombardment undermines our capacity to reflect deeply on what we are reading or experiencing and hampers our ability to sustain concentration and attention.
This contrasts with reading a physical book, which engages our imagination and creativity, allowing us to construct mental models based on our accumulated knowledge and experiences. This process is crucial for effective learning.
According to the Harvard Business Review, the health risks associated with mobile phones are numerous and diverse, including increased likelihoods of low self-esteem, anxiety, depression, bullying, eye strain, and conditions like "digital thumb" and motor vehicle accidents. They also raise concerns about nosocomial infections, sleep deprivation, brain tumours, reduced sperm counts, headaches, hearing loss, financial strain, and compromised honesty.
3 signs your phone use is affecting your relationship with your child
Self-disconnection
Parents often use their phones as a distraction from their own emotions, thoughts, and inner experiences, fostering a reliance on the device to avoid facing personal issues directly. These behaviours can lead to a need to check the phone, even in the absence of new notifications, indicating a potential dependency. Such habits may escalate to carrying the phone constantly or feeling anxious when it's not readily accessible. Consequently, this disconnection from oneself can undermine a parent's sense of belonging within their family, impairing their ability to engage meaningfully and establish strong emotional connections with their children. Recognizing and managing these tendencies is crucial for fostering healthier personal habits and nurturing deeper familial bonds.
Modelling negative digital behaviours for children
Growing up in the digital age offers numerous opportunities for learning, connection, and exploration. However, it's essential to establish clear limitations to ensure a balanced and healthy upbringing. Children today engage with technology early on, which can enhance their education and social interactions. Yet, unrestricted screen time may hinder the development of crucial life skills like face-to-face communication, critical thinking, empathy and creativity. When parents consistently use their phones in front of their children, they model digital behaviour that significantly influences their child's perceptions and habits. Children observe and emulate their parents, so frequent phone use during family time can convey that the phone takes precedence over personal interactions. This can make children feel neglected or undervalued and may encourage them to adopt similar behaviours, potentially impacting their ability to engage meaningfully with their parents and others.
Missed opportunities
Children thrive on moments of genuine connection, whether it's sharing laughter, discussing their day, or simply being present during important milestones. When parents prioritize their phones over meaningful interactions with their children, they miss out on crucial opportunities. Quality conversations during mealtimes or family gatherings are lost, where discussions about their day or interests could have deepened bonds. Playtime, crucial for development, lacks the engagement and imagination that parents absorbed in phones cannot provide. It's vital for parents to recognize the significance of their presence and actively choose to prioritize quality time with their children over digital distractions.
Negative self-hypnosis vs positive self-hypnosis
Clinical Hypnotherapy is a scientifically proven therapeutic technique that uses the power of the subconscious mind to effect positive change. It has numerous scientific benefits for the brain, including influencing neuroplasticity, reducing amygdala activation related to stress and emotions, and altering consciousness states through changes in brain activity patterns. Hypnotherapy has been shown to increase activity in the prefrontal cortex, which is responsible for executive functions such as decision-making, planning, and self-control.
Negative self-hypnosis in the case of phone addiction, could involve habitual patterns of behaviour where individuals compulsively check their phones in response to certain triggers, such as boredom, stress, or social anxiety.
Research suggests that frequent and prolonged use of smartphones can alter brain chemistry and neural pathways, like other addictive behaviours. The constant dopamine release associated with receiving notifications or engagement on social media platforms reinforces the habit loop, making it difficult to break the cycle of phone use. This negative reinforcement can lead to increased dependency on the phone as a source of pleasure or distraction, even when it interferes with daily responsibilities or personal relationships.
Conversely, positive self-hypnosis techniques involve harnessing the power of suggestion and focused attention to promote beneficial behaviours and mental states. These techniques aim to reprogram subconscious patterns associated with smartphone use, thereby fostering healthier habits and relationships within families. Research supports that mindfulness-based approaches, such as setting clear boundaries for device use and prioritizing quality family time without screens, contribute to improved emotional bonding and communication between parents and children. Scientifically, these techniques leverage neuroplasticity—the brain's ability to reorganize and adapt—to reinforce positive behaviours and mitigate the adverse effects of excessive smartphone reliance. By integrating positive self-hypnosis practices into daily routines, parents can effectively cultivate a balanced digital environment that supports child development and family well-being.
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7 effective self-hypnosis methods for parents
1. Self-reconnection
Recent studies highlight a growing issue: many individuals unknowingly struggle with phone addiction due to its pervasive role in daily routines. Take a moment to reflect: do you experience irritability or anxiety when separated from your phone? Acknowledging these signs is crucial. Honestly assess how your phone impacts both yourself and your relationships. Have you missed significant moments because of phone use? If so, it may be time to reconsider your habits and prioritize more meaningful connections in your life.
2. Challenge your beliefs
Excessive phone use communicates a sense of disconnection to your children, potentially making them feel neglected or unimportant. Take a moment to reflect on your personal beliefs regarding phone usage. Are you using your phone to seek validation or as a means of escape? Challenge these beliefs by setting clear boundaries and exploring activities that bring you genuine fulfilment beyond the digital realm. Remember, a content and engaged parent serves as a powerful role model for their child, demonstrating the importance of balanced and mindful technology use.
3. Visualization
Visualize a scenario where you are completely present and engaged with your children, devoid of any distractions from your phone. Picture the genuine joy on their faces and the depth of your interactions. Envision yourself actively participating in activities like playing a game or reading a story together. Pay attention to the surroundings, the sounds, and the overall atmosphere of togetherness. Visualize yourself setting aside the phone and imagine the profound positive effect it has on your children's happiness and your own sense of fulfilment as a parent.
4. Habit rehearsal
Become mindful of the initial impulse to reach for your phone. Notice your automatic reactions, such as grabbing your phone when you sit down or during your child's mealtime. Once you recognize these behaviours, consciously interrupt them with a firm "No," reminding yourself that this is a moment for family connection. With practice, this mindful approach will naturally evolve into a positive habit, reinforcing a healthy balance between digital use and meaningful family time.
5. Active self-listening
Stop using your phone to avoid confronting your thoughts and emotions. Give yourself the space to process your feelings without constantly seeking distraction. Remember, your phone can provide temporary relief, but it won't resolve deeper issues. Consider talking to someone you trust or journaling to gain clarity and perspective on what's troubling you. Taking these steps can help you address your emotions constructively and foster a healthier relationship with your phone and yourself.
6. Pay attention to your intention
Engage meaningfully with your children by actively looking into their eyes and being fully present in their presence. Take in their smiles, observe their reactions, and listen attentively to their voices. Before reaching for your phone, take a moment to reflect on your emotions. Notice how you feel before using the phone and how your mood shifts after putting it away. This practice fosters a deeper emotional connection with your children and heightens your self-awareness.
7. Mindful social media use
Social media frequently triggers emotions of guilt and comparison, distorting our perceptions with curated glimpses into others' lives. To counter this, nurture gratitude for your family's distinct journey by practicing mindfulness and restricting screen time. Designate specific periods, such as 10 am, 2 pm, and 6 pm, for brief, purposeful social media use—each session lasting only 10 minutes. By deliberately breaking the habit of incessant phone checking, you reclaim valuable time and energy for activities that enrich your life and deepen connections with loved ones.
Is it time to prioritize presence over screens?
The impact of smartphone use on parent-child interactions is profound. Whether it strengthens bonds or creates distance depends on how we harness tools like hypnosis. By cultivating awareness and consciously managing our phone habits, we can transform our relationships with our children.
Let's embark on a journey together to create harmony within your family and cultivate a positive relationship with technology. By adopting mindful practices and integrating effective hypnosis techniques, we can enhance parent-child connections and promote a healthier digital lifestyle. Take the first step towards fostering lasting joy and resilience in your family dynamics.
Martina Maya, Cognitive Behavioural Hypnotherapist, Relationship Coach & Therapeutic Life Art Coach
Martina's childhood in a small Slovakian village during the communist era ignited her adventurous spirit. Perched atop a tree at age 10, overlooking the valley, she felt an intense desire to explore the world. Her journey, from the village to global exploration, transformed her into a seeker of both outer and inner horizons. Inspired by that pivotal childhood moment, she now empowers others to uncover their own hidden treasures.
