Written by: Dr. Siya Mjwara, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
We are living at a time where doing almost everything online is quickly becoming a norm. In the dating scene, more roads are leading to online dating. Whilst online dating seems convenient and fun for many, it still comes with its own set of dynamics. These dynamics can sometimes be difficult to navigate. If you are thinking of swiping right to find a potential date, here are a few tips that might come in handy.
1. Clarify what you are looking for
Many people are not sure what exactly they are looking for in a potential partner, and end up wasting time and other resources chatting with and even meeting people who are not a good match. When you are clear about what you want, it also gives you insight into what you don't want. Describe what you are looking for in one or two sentences, and be clear on how will identify those qualities in a potential match. Be honest about it, to yourself and the other person, from the beginning.
2. Arrange a video call
Once you have found a potential match and the conversation is going well. Try to arrange a video call or verify their picture as soon as possible. This will help you see if this is a real person and whether you connect on a personal level. It is a good idea to arrange to meet face to face as soon as possible. When you meet someone in-person it gives you a better idea of who they are. I usually say “someone’s energy does not lie”.
3. Avoid potential danger
Try to set healthy boundaries. Many of us would think "it goes without saying" that setting healthy boundaries is important, but some people do forget to set clear boundaries. Try to avoid going to the person's home, apartment, or hotel until you are certain that you are 100% safe with them, and you know at least who this person is and their true identity. Until safety is established, try to meet in public spaces and inform someone you trust where you will be and who you are meeting with. Try to take as many precautions as possible.
4. Be clear of what you want
Yes, I know. Many people will say "we are vibing, we are exploring, we are friends getting to know each other, I don’t want to seem too serious and stuck-up" until someone gets hurt. The reality is that you both need to be clear about whether this is a romantic interaction or not. Is it a platonic friendship or you will be providing sexual favors to each other and so on? If you both agree that you are seeking a romantic relationship, you need to consider what type of romantic relationship are you pursuing. Is it monogamous, open, polyandrous, and so on? The last thing anyone needs is to think you're in a relationship and the other person believes you are friends with benefits. The latter usually ends in tears and sometimes with a significant element of drama.
5. Try to take it easy
It is always a good idea to not rush into things. Especially if you are not yet clear about what is happening and why you are doing what you are doing or who you are dealing with. Take your time and not pressure yourself into doing things you might later regret. Every behavior has consequences. Try to examine the potential consequences of whatever you decide to do. Be patient with yourself and the other person. Practice breathing exercises or mindfulness whenever you feel a bit anxious.
6. Make an effort and be authentic
Waiting on the potential partner to make all the moves and lead the conversation is not a healthy approach. Try to also make an effort to ask questions, get the conversation going and share whatever you feel ready to share. It can be exhausting for one person to be the only initiator. Remember you are both trying to get to know each other. At the same time try to show up as yourself and don’t try to be someone you are not or mislead the other person. Providing false information or hiding behind a fake persona is not the best way to start any healthy relationship.
There is no exact manual of how to do this right and avoid heartache or awkward situations completely. In relationships, there are no guarantees. However, trying to put certain measures in place can help prevent or minimize certain aspects of disappointment.
Feel free to write to me and let me know if any of the above tips have been useful for you, and about some of your online dating experiences thus far. You may send your letters to the Breakfree with Dr. Siya Facebook group. I wish you the best of luck.
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Dr. Siya Mjwara, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Dr. Siya Mjwara is an experienced therapist & wellness coach, trainer, and EAP consultant who has worked with individuals, couples, families, and management teams across various industries for over 14 years.
Her educational and continued professional development has transformed into a dedication to bringing awareness to individuals.
She assists businesses to develop, and implement employee wellness solutions to improve productivity, reduce absenteeism, and overall workplace culture.
From an individual perspective, she supports clients to identify and confront their challenges; and the things that are holding them back; to become their truest being by fulfilling their mission in life and walking in their purpose.
Dr. Siya is the founder of Amambelu Wellness and AskDrSiya. She is also a published poet, voice-over artist, and radio presenter.
