Roar is a facilitator, advisor, and mediator, and he founded Waegger Negotiation Institute (WNI) in 2017. Up to 2017 has Roar been working as a lawyer with employment and labor law, and he has extensive experience in practical negotiations and long-time influence work.
In negotiation, building trust is not a “soft” skill – it’s a crucial driver of success. When negotiators create a sense of psychological safety, they unlock the potential for creativity, collaboration, and breakthrough solutions.
Trust is the cornerstone of any successful negotiation. Without it, even the most skillful negotiators will struggle to find common ground. The highest-performing negotiators, much like high-performing teams, excel because they create a sense of psychological safety–where both parties feel free to share their true thoughts and concerns without fear of judgment or retaliation.
When trust is established, it fosters creativity, collaboration, and the space to arrive at mutually beneficial outcomes.
Psychological safety is the belief that one won’t be punished for mistakes or taking risks, as defined by Laura Delizonna in her HBR article “High-Performing Teams Need Psychological Safety: Here’s How to Create It (hbr.org)”.
This concept applies also to negotiation settings. A negotiation filled with tension and defensiveness restrains open dialogue and creativity, which are essential for reaching successful outcomes. By focusing on the crucial importance of trust-building, negotiators can create an environment where both sides feel respected and understood, leading to better outcomes.
As parties in high-stake negotiation, it’s normal to differentiate on the substance and on the style. The importance is how you handle this difference. I recently listened to an interview (NRK, Dagsrevyen 20240905) with Jens Stoltenberg, the NATO General-Secretary, and he was asked; “What is it that makes President Trump and Erdogan, among others, listen to you?” His response was;
“I don’t believe it’s any more mysterious than I’m spending time on the questions they are concerned about. President Trump has his style, and we differentiates on many thinks, but he had one important message, I listened to his concerns, took him and his message seriously, and that contributed to constructive collaboration during his presidency.”
This is a great example how Stoltenberg created an environment where they both felt respected and understood, leading to a constructive communication process and better outcomes by focusing on the crucial importance of trust-building.
Why trust is the foundation of negotiation
Negotiation is inherently about finding common solution for collaboration in the future and, on the other hand, resolving conflicts from the past, whether over resources, priorities, or goals. But conflicts can quickly escalate if not handled correctly. In a negotiation context, the brain’s fight-or-flight response is triggered when individuals perceive threats to their status, autonomy, or competence.
The “treat” experience in negotiations relates to communication. With threatening, ambiguous or unclear communication between the parties in a negotiation or between a manager and a subordinate in a team, this means that if a negative interpretation can be drawn, it will be done, rather than a positive interpretation. In psychology, there's a powerful principle called "bad is stronger than good," meaning we’re more attuned to potential threats than we are to recognizing what’s going well. As an example from the negotiation table, when the other party makes their unreasonable demands or state their position, our brains have a negativity bias. We all are very reactive to these “threats”. Our brain has an attraction to the negative.
This is why you always need to say “because” – give a reason for your demand or offer. The reason behind this is that the brain's negativity bias is so well worked out that it takes five positive actions to undo a single negative action or word.
This is why parties in a negotiation are often more focused on avoiding losses than achieving a win, more to limit risk than to be creative and explore opportunities, and more easily engage in battle than be problem solvers. This can derail the conversation and turn it into a battle of egos rather than a constructive dialogue.
The solution is building trust.
When trust exists, it reduces defensiveness and opens the door to collaboration. In his massive two-year study at Google, Paul Santagata, head of industry at Google, found that psychological safety—trust at its core—was the common denominator in the company’s most successful teams. In a study from 1999 by Amy Edmondson, named “Psychological Safety and Learning Behavior in Work Teams”, it concluded that team psychological safety fosters learning behavior, which in turn drives team performance. Trust is the core to drive team performance.
In negotiation, trust can allow both sides to discuss uncomfortable topics openly, explore new solutions, and make concessions without fear of exploitation. Let us copy the steps Google took into negotiation scenarios:
6 key strategies to build trust in negotiation
1. Collaborative conflict resolution
Instead of viewing conflict as a battle to win, a zero-sum game, skilled negotiators treat it as an opportunity for collaboration. Shifting the focus from competition to mutual benefit fosters cooperation and reduces defensiveness, paving the way for more constructive solutions.
2. Human connection
Recognizing the humanity in the other party—understanding their fears, needs, and aspirations—builds empathy. Behind every negotiator is a person. A person with hopes, fears, and vulnerabilities. This "human-to-human" approach reduces conflict escalation and strengthens trust by acknowledging that both sides share common emotional needs.
3. Proactive planning
Anticipating the other party’s reactions and preparing for counterarguments builds credibility and demonstrates respect. Thoughtful planning, perhaps scripting a text, helps manage difficult conversations by ensuring your responses address their concerns, keeping the negotiation productive.
4. Curiosity over blame
Blame shuts down dialogue, while curiosity opens it. By asking open-ended questions and seeking to understand the other party's perspective, you foster a collaborative environment. This curiosity-based approach keeps negotiations focused on solutions rather than fault-finding.
5. Feedback for improvement
Requesting feedback on how you handle discussions shows humility and a willingness to improve. This disarms the other party, builds trust, and helps identify blind spots in your approach. Openly seeking input encourages continuous improvement in the negotiation process.
6. Monitor psychological safety
Trust and safety are essential for ongoing success. Regularly checking in to evaluate how comfortable the other party feels fosters transparency and trust. Measuring psychological safety ensures a productive atmosphere where both sides can openly discuss concerns without fear.
The broaden-and-build approach in negotiation
Building trust in negotiation allows both parties to move from a narrow, competitive mindset to one of broader possibilities. Research on people’s positive emotions by Barbara Fredrickson in her PEP Lab at the University of North Carolina shows that positive emotions like trust and curiosity broaden our minds, making us more open to new ideas and cooperative behavior.
In negotiation, this “broaden-and-build” approach of positive emotions, as smiles and humor in addition to a more positive vocal approach, leads to more creative solutions, stronger working relationships, more successful outcomes and long-lasting agreements. Trust allows both sides to focus on long-term value rather than short-term wins, which is the hallmark of a successful negotiation.
Trust is the key to successful negotiations
By approaching conflict as a collaborator, speaking human-to-human, anticipating reactions, replacing blame with curiosity, asking for feedback, and measuring psychological safety, negotiators can build the trust needed to achieve success. In today’s complex, interdependent world, where negotiation is often about more than just getting what you want, trust becomes the corner stone of sustainable, long-term success.
Roar Thun Waegger, Wægger Negotiation Institute
Roar is a facilitator, advisor, and mediator, and he founded Waegger Negotiation Institute (WNI) in 2017. Up to 2017 has Roar been working as a lawyer with employment and labor law, and he has extensive experience in practical negotiations and long-time influence work. With his experience and training from Harvard PON and Pepperdine’s Straus' Institute in negotiation, mediation, and conflict resolution he helps his clients solve their challenges.
