Written by: Annie McKinnon, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Have you ever felt like you were passed your sell by date and no longer of use? This feeling, can of course, derive from many life situations.
In this article, I would like to specifically focus on this feeling coming from the loss of your career during what took, probably just a few minutes of conversation. Personally, I will never forget that exact moment. I had just returned to work following a period of absence due to having an operation. COVID was dominating the world and so I was really looking forward to getting back to work as well as craving human connection, even if it was over Zoom. I had been back at work a few days, getting myself up to date with what I had missed during my time away. It’s fair to say, I returned with the same hard-working ethic I had held close since leaving school and starting my career journey at just 17 years old.
Looking back, I have always given more attention to work than anything else in my life. So much so that other parts of my life suffered. I was so caught up in doing a “great job” and impressing my superiors with the sole aim of climbing the career ladder. I was ambitious and wanted to achieve and be the best at what I did that, for most of my working life everything else came second. I had always received excellent feedback from my superiors around how reliable, committed and motivated I was to any given role and that if they wanted anything done then they would ask me because it was sure to get completed quickly and to a high standard. My peers would tell me I brought a fun, positive energy to any team I was part of. I was very proud of what I achieved regardless of the project I was working on.
Throughout my career, I witnessed various restructures take place which involved the loss of people I had built close relationships with. People react differently to this type of situation. I can say most left holding anger and resentment which is totally understandable as these feelings usually come from feeling hurt or loss. Observing this, I decided that I would not react like that when my time came around and a few years on from the last person leaving, it was, in fact my turn. By this time the department I worked in had merged with another, so the department had grown substantially.
So, here I was sat in front of my laptop catching up with my superior over zoom, thinking how great it was to be back at work, feeling much healthier and ready to get on with whatever was required. He was telling me how much I had been missed and saying how good it was to see me back and feeling better and went on to ask how I felt I was settling back in. I shared that I was excited to get back to work and was looking forward to getting a grasp on current aims and doing what I needed to do to get back into my rhythm.
It was then he began to look a bit uncomfortable and said “well, I’ve been working on our structure for next year and to be honest Annie I can’t see where you fit into it, we are taking a new direction that is more digitally focussed”. However, please know I have not made my final decision and I am still working on the structure”. Talk about coming in with a softener. Of course, I knew his proposed structure would be put in place and that I definitely would not be part of it. Talk about a blow! Here I was at 57 years old, in the middle of the COVID pandemic not knowing what my future held.
I remember in that moment, feeling like my breath had stopped whilst my heart went into overdrive. My first reaction was of panic and stress and thinking “what the hell am I going to do next”. Thoughts of all my responsibilities such as paying my mortgage and bills flashed into my mind as well as being realistic that I was now 57 years old and asking myself a second question of “who will want to employ me now?” Ironic that when I started working back in the 70s, I thought I would be retiring at 60 and here I was at 57 knowing I would still need to work until I was 70 or even beyond and totally unaware of what that would entail.
Over the next week or two the reality of my situation really set in. I felt absolutely broken and useless. One of my worst feelings was that I felt so embarrassed that I had been let go from my job. I mean, what would I tell people and what would they think? Where, before, I valued myself highly, I was now feeling like I wasn’t worth anything and I hit a low point. I judged myself harshly on a daily basis and just kept thinking, what was it about me that the organization felt I had to go? I had worked for them, in different roles, for 15 years and in a matter of minutes I was out in the cold feeling like I had past my “sell by date” and had to be taken off the shelf. I felt the pain in my stomach where I carried my loss. I wasn’t able to sleep and would wake up during the night from nightmares. I lost weight because I just didn’t feel like eating. In fact, I lost interest in everything and just wanted to sleep away the pain of what I could only see as a huge rejection with the clear message, I was no longer needed. I felt empty and stressed over what I would do next. I convinced myself that no one would employ me at 57 years old, and so because of my mindset at that point, my future looked bleak, and my imagined worst-case scenarios plagued me.
After about 2 weeks of putting myself down and thinking the worst, I woke one morning and realised I didn’t feel the anger or resentment I had observed in those who had gone before me. Deep down, I recognised that because I had accepted I would, at one point, be made redundant I really wasn’t that shocked. I have always been a realistic kind of person and so I was honest with myself in accepting that the truth was, I hadn’t enjoyed going to work for some time. I had become stale and was simply plodding along carrying out duties asked of me, which was so unlike me, I had lost all motivation and with it, my excitement for life. Owning this, I realised I really couldn’t be surprised I had been let go.
I still wonder, looking back, why I didn’t take steps to change my situation. But that’s what we do sometimes isn’t it, we know something deep down, but we decide to ignore it or put it at the back of our minds for all different reasons and of course, I had my own personal reasons, security being the main one.
One thing we can all be sure of in this life, is that things will continuously change, sometimes by choice and other times forced upon us. This was a time where I had no choice of the changes that were afoot. I wasn’t in control, and this fact really scared me.
The turnaround for me, came when I woke one morning with a sense of relief and excitement for what lay ahead, whatever that looked like. I mean, the scary part had already happened, right? the decision to stay or leave had been taken from me. I jumped out of bed, knowing I had to challenge myself and take ownership of my life and move forward in a way that would mean I would be much happier, more fulfilled, and excited about getting up in the morning again. Once that thought dropped, I felt light and knew anything was possible, I just had to decide what I really wanted to do.
And so, my process of working out what I really wanted my life to look like began. I reflected back on my career roles. I noticed that every role I had undertaken had to do with supporting and/or the development of people. I had worked with people in a variety of settings such as counselling individuals and couples in a therapeutic setting, managed and supported staff working with people with physical disabilities that was often extremely challenging and chaotic due to the learning needs of the clients. I also worked as a Learning & Development Manager within the substance misuse field and later as a Life Coach. In addition, I had always taken advantage of any opportunities to learn something new. I know this comes from the 80s power attitude era of “dress for the job you want and not for the job you’ve got” and really having to go all out to “impress” seniors in order to climb the career ladder as back then, senior jobs were mostly filled by men.
I also reflected on the many challenges and struggles I had come through in my life and acknowledged all those I had beaten. Being made redundant was not even halfway down the list. I just knew that no matter what happened, I was not only going to survive but I would thrive because in that moment I decided I was going to do what I had only previously dreamed of. I was going to support people to find the resilience and courage to find their own purpose and make it happen.
So, I did the work, got myself qualified and made the decision to set up my own coaching business.
My buzz returned with vengeance, and I was so excited to be taking back responsibility for my life, taking it forward in a way that made sense to me. I did a lot of research around what I wanted my company to be called. It was important that my brand said what it did on the tin. I did a bit of research around where the word “coaching” came from and found it derived from the word “cart”. The “cart” had been invented by a Hungarian to move goods from Budapest to Vienna. This struck a chord with me as that is exactly what I was doing in my role of life coach, supporting people to move from where they were to where they wanted to be and so, The Coaching Cart with strapline “taking you where you want to be” was born. For the next few months, I was on a high, registering my company, working out how my logo would look as well as building my website, claiming domains, ordering things such as business cards and getting my socials in place. I had never felt happier! I was in charge of my own life with the responsibility and obstacles that that brings. I found a way through all the challenges and launched my company. I am happy to say that I am living my life feeling fulfilled and no longer feel it a chore to get out of bed and go to work because working with people doesn’t feel like a “job” to me at all.
I am sure you will agree that we all go through highs and lows in life, but I believe when someone else decides something about your life it is in that moment, that you have the opportunity to make your own decisions about where you will go next. Here are 6 steps I found helpful, and hope will help you on your way to doing exactly what you want!
Accept and be aware that you will not always be where you are right now
Acknowledge that life decisions are sometimes out of your control
Know that when you are faced with challenge you will get through it
Believe that you have so much more knowledge and skills than you think
Be courageous and when things don’t go to plan dig deep and be honest about what you really want rather than what you “should or need to do”
Trust that you can reinvent yourself to do something you truly love regardless of your age
If you would like more information, please contact me at info@coachingcart.com or give me a call on +44 7860 953192
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Annie McKinnon, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Annie McKinnon is a life coach, living out her passion and what she believes is her purpose, working with people so that they too can live their very best life. Annie's journey to coaching was as a result of the many challenges she faced growing up in Scotland, belonging to the LGBTQ+ community. Life for Annie was restrictive and oppressive. Annie understands the additional challenges the LGBTQ+ community face today and continually uses her voice to drive forward important discussions in areas such as equality, inclusion, belonging, progression, and education across society. Coaching, for Annie, is about that moment, where her clients have, what some call, “the lightbulb moment”. In Annie’s experience, it can be far more subtle and come across in a clients smile, tone of voice or even a movement. The moment her clients recognise their own power, strength and energy that confidently says “I’ve got this, and I know what I need to do to take me where I want to be”
