Written by Sophie K, Vitality Coach
Sophie K is a joy-seeker, an entrepreneur, vitality coach and the founder of The Thrive Guide. She has made it her mission to help busy people have more time for joy, the things and people that are important to them. Her programs help her clients to ditch the old paradigm of survival, hustle and burn out in a fun and empowering way.
You're finally home after a long day at the office. You're exhausted, your mind still buzzing with the day's challenges and that never-ending to-do list. Your partner greets you with a smile, happy to connect with you, asking how your day was.
But instead of feeling the warmth, you feel a wave of annoyance. You snap at her, head to the fridge, pop open a bottle of beer, and sit down on the couch to watch Netflix while your partner feels confused and upset, escaping into another room.
In hindsight, you didn’t really mean to snap at her. She didn’t do anything to upset you, but in that moment, you just had enough. Not of her, just of life.
Unfortunately, scenarios like this are all too familiar in modern households. When we are stressed and overwhelmed by work and life on a daily basis, it's easy to become irritable and withdrawn from the people we love. All too often, they get the worst of us in those moments, and sometimes, this can be really damaging to our relationships.
Deep down, you know you love the people in your life, of course. You probably love them very much, right? But love isn’t the problem here. It’s the stress and overwhelm that you are finding hard to shake.
If this resonates with you, stress is playing a significant role in your life and relationships, and not in a good way.
As business owners or busy professionals, we often wear many hats and juggle the countless demands of modern life. This constant pressure can take a toll on our mental and emotional well-being, impacting the people we love most greatly.
While we all experience stress from time to time, it can wreak havoc on our personal and professional lives if we do not know how to:
Reduce the stressors in our everyday life
Learn to deal with stressors in a way that works for us
Create practices that allow us to continuously reflect on our everyday life so we can improve on points 1 and 2
In this article, I want to share with you the six tell-tale signs that stress is having a significant impact on your relationships and what you can start doing about it right now.
The science behind stress
Human beings have an inbuilt system (the nervous system) that is perfectly designed to deal with challenges. When we face such a challenge, our body goes into fight or flight mode. This is a natural response that helps us stay safe in dangerous situations.
As adrenaline and cortisol are pumped around our body, our heart rate increases, our muscles tense up, and our senses become hyper-alert. In this state, we have increased focus and energy.
Now, while being in this state can be incredibly useful when we need to meet a deadline, overcome a hurdle, or find ourselves in danger, our bodies are designed to stay in this state for short periods only, as all energy is diverted to functions needed to survive the immediate threat.
However, when the stress response is activated frequently or for long periods of time, it becomes very exhausting and depleting for the body and mind, and can take a toll on our mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual health.
It is this overexerted state that often brings out the worst in us, repeatedly.
The signs that stress is impacting your relationships
Here are six key signs that you are stuck in this overexerted state and that the stress in your or your loved one's life is negatively impacting your relationship:
1. You're short-tempered, irritable, and impatient
Chronic stress can make you feel like you're constantly on edge and more likely to exhibit negative emotions, including anger and frustration, which can spill over into other situations. You might find yourself snapping at your partner, kids, or friends over seemingly trivial things. This can leave your loved ones feeling emotionally unsafe around you, damaging trust and creating distance in your relationships.
2. You're withdrawn and emotionally unavailable
When you're overwhelmed by stress, it can be difficult to connect with others on an emotional level. You might withdraw from social interactions or struggle to be present in the moment because it all just feels like too much. This can leave your loved ones feeling lonely and disconnected from you.
In fact, a Harvard Business Review article cites research suggesting that chronic stress can shrink the part of the brain responsible for empathy and compassion. This can make it difficult to understand and respond to the needs of others, which is a core aspect of emotionally connected relationships.
3. You are neglecting the emotional needs of your loved ones
Chronic stress can make it feel like there just aren't enough hours in the day. You might find yourself canceling plans with friends, neglecting date nights, or skipping family gatherings because you're too busy or too tired. This can mean that emotional needs are neglected, leading to decreased intimacy and emotional connection, and increased conflict and resentment.
4. You are becoming emotionally codependent
Some respond to chronic stress by becoming overly reliant on their loved ones for emotional support and their ability to feel happy. While it's healthy to seek support from your partner, family, and friends, it's important not to use them as your sole coping mechanism or be reliant on them to feel better. Excessive reliance on the other person can strain your relationship and become stressful for the other person in the long term.
5. You see an increase in conflicts in your relationships
You and your partner used to enjoy spontaneous weekend getaways and lively dinner conversations. Lately, however, disagreements seem to erupt more frequently. A simple difference of opinion about household chores can escalate into a heated argument. This increase in marital conflict is often a sign that stress is impacting your relationship.
Studies have found that couples who experience chronic stress are more likely to report problems with intimacy, communication, and overall relationship satisfaction.
6. Your sex life has declined drastically
You and your partner used to love having sex and sharing other intimate moments inside and outside of the bedroom. But lately, you, your partner, or both of you have been avoiding intimacy. Too tired, too stressed, or simply not in the mood?
Studies have shown that chronic stress can have a significant impact on sexual desire and function. High levels of cortisol, the stress hormone, can interfere with sexual arousal and responsiveness, and stress overall can lead to emotional and physical exhaustion, making it difficult to feel connected and intimate with your partner.
While it is probably not fun to recognize that some of these points apply to you or your loved ones, gaining the awareness that there is something to work on in your relationships is the first step to creating change.
Here are three things you can do right now to deal with chronic stress and improve your relationships.
3 ways to reduce stress and strengthen your relationships
1. Make time to down-regulate your overexerted nervous system
This might sound counterintuitive, but making time for calm in your life is essential for managing stress. Schedule time for activities that help you relax and recharge. Go for a walk outside, preferably in nature, especially when your mind is busy. Reduce screen time and increase your sleep. Engage in an activity you enjoy that doesn’t feel stressful to you, or remove or decrease processed foods and eat more whole foods. When you take care of yourself and calm your nervous system, you'll have more energy and emotional bandwidth to connect with others.
2. Communicate with your loved ones
Let your loved ones know what you're going through. Explain what has been happening for you, how the stress is affecting you, and ask for their support. Honest and open communication is essential for building strong, loving, and safe relationships. Allow yourself to find compassion for how this has affected them and talk about ways to navigate this situation as a team.
3. Get support from a coach or health professional
Chronic stress can have serious long-term effects on our well-being, and it is important to start looking into the kinds of behaviors, perceptions, and ways of thinking that have led you to live in chronic stress. Getting support from a coach or health professional will help you address the underlying issues. The symptoms you are experiencing in your life are only the tip of the iceberg.
Strained relationships are a clear sign that stress is impacting your life in a profound way. Ignoring these warning signs can have serious long-term consequences for your mental health and overall well-being. Remember, strong relationships are a cornerstone of a happy and fulfilled life.
If you're struggling to manage stress and its impact on your relationships, please reach out to me or someone else in this field. You don’t have to go through this alone, and learning from others will help you get the results you want faster.
Sophie K, Vitality Coach
Sophie K is a joy-seeker, an entrepreneur, vitality coach and the founder of The Thrive Guide. She has made it her mission to help busy people have more time for joy, the things and people that are important to them. Her programs help her clients to ditch the old paradigm of survival, hustle and burn out in a fun and empowering way.
