Written by Atiyah McDaniels, Professional Life Coach
Atiyah McDaniels is a Professional Life and Business Coach at SoftLife Consulting Firm LLC. Since 2019, she has coached over 6,000 clients, published her bestselling book, Change Your Mindset, Change Your Life, and established herself as a sought-after motivational speaker.
For many women, living in their masculine energy feels like the only way to survive. It’s a state driven by control, strength, and independence—qualities that are often necessary to protect ourselves after painful experiences, like toxic relationships. But while these traits help us push through tough times, they can also trap us in a cycle of stress, burnout, and emotional disconnection.
When we spend too much time operating from masculine energy, we lose touch with our softer, more intuitive side. The very softness that allows us to feel loved, nurtured, and at peace.
In this article, we’ll explore six reasons why women often find themselves stuck in their masculine energy—and how to release it so you can reconnect with your feminine flow, heal from the past, and embrace the life of ease and joy you deserve.
The masculine energy trap after a toxic relationship
If you’ve ever found yourself living in survival mode after a toxic relationship—feeling like you need to do everything on your own, control every situation, and protect yourself at all costs—chances are you’ve been stuck in the “masculine energy trap.” The truth is, women are not genetically designed to live in masculine energy. We’re meant to nurture, flow, and embrace softness. But after experiencing toxic relationships, where trust and safety were broken, it’s easy to shift into a defensive, masculine state.
How toxic relationships trigger masculine energy
Toxic relationships often leave us feeling betrayed, powerless, or abandoned, which forces us to take control of everything around us just to feel safe. We start relying on our strength, logic, and ability to protect ourselves. While these traits help us survive, they disconnect us from the parts of ourselves that are soft, intuitive, and nurturing. When we’re stuck in struggle culture, we push aside our feminine energy in favor of doing whatever it takes to survive.
How the masculine energy trap shows up
After a toxic relationship, living in masculine energy can look like:
Overworking to distract from emotional pain and stay in control.
Suppressing emotions because vulnerability feels unsafe or too risky.
Perfectionism, trying to avoid failure or disappointment.
Isolation because trusting others feels like a threat.
Constant achievement, but never feeling truly fulfilled.
These habits become survival tactics that serve us in the moment, but eventually, they rob us of the peace, joy, and softness we deserve. It’s easy to fall into this trap when you’ve been hurt, but it’s important to realize that living this way long-term isn’t sustainable.
The cost of constant masculine energy
When masculine energy becomes the default, it drains you. You may feel emotionally exhausted, disconnected from others, and trapped in a cycle of overworking and perfectionism. It can leave you feeling empty—like you’ve lost touch with the soft, loving woman you once were.
In the next section, we’ll dive into why so many women get stuck in this pattern and how to begin releasing that heavy masculine energy to reconnect with your true feminine essence.
6 reasons women remain in masculine energy after toxic relationships
Once you’ve been through a toxic romantic relationship, it’s easy to get stuck in a cycle where masculine energy feels like your only option. You might not even realize you’re doing it, but the behaviors and mindset that come with living in this energy are often a defense mechanism.
Here are six reasons why so many women end up stuck in their masculine energy after toxic relationships—and how it keeps them from reconnecting with their true, feminine essence.
1. Survival mode becomes the default
After enduring a toxic relationship, your body and mind enter survival mode to protect you from further harm. This means focusing on “doing” and “achieving” to stay ahead of any potential emotional pain. You’re constantly in a state of fight or flight, trying to maintain control, and that often leads to overactive masculine energy. While this helps you get through the tough times, it doesn’t allow space for healing or emotional softness.
2. Trust issues keep you guarded
Toxic relationships often leave deep scars when trust is broken. Once you’ve been hurt, it becomes hard to rely on anyone again. You feel like you have to do everything yourself—emotionally, financially, and physically. This over-reliance on your own strength is a defense mechanism, but it also locks you into masculine energy. You start believing that vulnerability is a weakness and that only your strength can keep you safe.
3. Fear of rejection drives perfectionism
When you’ve been put down, rejected, or invalidated by someone you loved, perfectionism can set in. You want to prove that you’re worthy, that you’re enough, and that you can do it all on your own. This perfectionist mindset pushes you into masculine energy because it’s about control, structure, and constant achievement. But no matter how much you accomplish, it never feels like enough. This endless cycle prevents you from experiencing the freedom that comes with embracing your feminine side.
4. Emotional baggage becomes hard to release
Toxic relationships often leave emotional baggage that’s hard to shake off. When you’ve been hurt repeatedly, it’s easier to shut down emotionally than to feel vulnerable. Emotional suppression becomes a way of protecting yourself, but it also cuts you off from your heart and your intuition—both qualities of feminine energy. This emotional numbness may feel like safety, but it prevents you from fully healing and stepping into a softer, more connected version of yourself.
5. The need for control feels safer
In a toxic relationship, you might have felt like things were constantly out of your control. Your partner’s behavior may have been unpredictable, leaving you feeling helpless and powerless. As a result, you develop a heightened need for control in every area of your life. The problem is that constantly trying to control everything around you keeps you stuck in masculine energy. You become rigid, fearful, and disconnected from the flow of life. True peace and relaxation only come when you release the need for control and learn to trust in the process.
6. Lack of self-worth leads to overcompensation
After a toxic relationship, you might feel like you’re not enough—like you’ve been told, one way or another, that you weren’t good enough. This lack of self-worth can lead to overcompensating by pushing yourself harder and striving for achievements to fill that void. You start to believe that your value is based on what you do, not who you are. This keeps you in masculine energy because it’s about doing, striving, and achieving rather than being, resting, and receiving.
In the next section, we’ll dive into how you can start shifting away from masculine energy and reconnecting with your natural, feminine flow.
How to release masculine energy & reconnect with your feminine essence
Now that we’ve explored why so many women get stuck in masculine energy after toxic relationships, it’s time to look at how you can begin to shift back into your natural feminine essence. Releasing masculine energy doesn’t mean you stop being strong or capable—it means you learn to balance strength with softness, action with rest, and control with surrender. Here’s how you can begin the transformation.
1. Acknowledge the need for healing
The first step to reconnecting with your feminine essence is to acknowledge that you’ve been through a lot. The emotional scars of a toxic relationship aren’t something you can just ignore or power through. You have to give yourself permission to heal, to sit with the pain, and to nurture yourself. This doesn’t happen overnight, but once you start honoring your healing journey, you’ll naturally start releasing some of that heavy, masculine energy that you’ve been holding onto as protection.
2. Reclaim your emotional space
You’ve probably been so focused on doing and achieving that you’ve neglected your emotional needs. Start making space for your emotions, even the messy ones. Embrace vulnerability as a sign of strength, not weakness. Journaling, meditating, or simply taking quiet moments to reflect on how you’re feeling will help you tap into your emotional world. This is a core aspect of feminine energy—being able to process, express, and embrace your emotions without judgment.
3. Practice surrender and trust
One of the most powerful ways to shift out of masculine energy is to practice surrender. This means letting go of the need to control everything around you. Trust that things will work out as they should, even if it’s not in the exact way you planned. This can feel incredibly vulnerable, especially after a toxic relationship where control was often the only way you felt safe. But trust is at the heart of feminine energy. Start by allowing yourself to step back, breathe, and trust that life will unfold in ways that are beyond your control but in your best interest.
4. Cultivate self-care and rest
When you’re always in hustle mode, there’s no space for relaxation or self-care. Taking time to nurture yourself is one of the most powerful ways to reconnect with your feminine essence. This doesn’t have to be extravagant—simple acts of self-care like taking a bath, enjoying a peaceful walk, or curling up with a good book can help you relax and let go of the pressure to be in “control” all the time. Feminine energy thrives in rest, relaxation, and taking care of your body, mind, and soul.
5. Embrace your intuition
Your intuition is a core aspect of feminine energy. It’s that inner voice that guides you, helps you make decisions, and connects you with your deeper truth. To reconnect with your intuition, start by listening to your gut feelings, even if they don’t always make logical sense. Trusting your intuition helps you move away from overthinking and over-controlling. It’s about trusting what feels right, not what looks right on paper.
6. Surround yourself with supportive energy
You don’t have to do it all on your own. After a toxic relationship, it’s easy to close yourself off and isolate, but feminine energy thrives in connection. Surround yourself with people who uplift and support you—friends, family, or a community that shares your values and encourages your growth. Whether it’s joining a group, participating in a coaching program, or simply spending more time with loved ones, having supportive people around you will help you reconnect with your feminine essence.
Releasing masculine energy and reconnecting with your feminine essence is a process, but it’s one of the most empowering things you can do for yourself. By embracing your softness, trusting your intuition, and taking time to nurture yourself, you’ll begin to find balance and peace. You’ll stop living in survival mode and start living in alignment with your true, feminine power.
In the final section, we’ll look at how to sustain this transformation and create a life that’s deeply connected to your feminine essence.
Embrace your feminine essence and unlock your true potential
Reconnecting with your feminine essence is a journey that brings more than just healing—it brings clarity, peace, and a deep sense of alignment. As you start to embrace your softness, trust your intuition, and release the need for control, you’ll notice shifts in every area of your life.
The women I work with often see profound changes in as little as 90 days. They move from feeling stuck in survival mode to confidently stepping into their feminine power. They begin attracting more of what they want in life—whether it’s peace, love, or success—because they’re aligned with who they truly are.
If you’re ready to experience a similar transformation, I’d love to support you in this journey. Together, we can release the blocks holding you back and create a life that feels as good on the inside as it looks on the outside.
Read more from Atiyah McDaniels
Atiyah McDaniels, Professional Life Coach
Atiyah McDaniels launched her career as a Business Coach in 2019 but quickly felt drawn to something deeper. After overcoming a toxic relationship and going through her own journey of self-discovery, she found her true passion in Life Coaching. Now, she supports women who resonate with her story in reconnecting with their softer, more feminine selves, helping them shed their defenses and reclaim high-value essence and joy they had before their trauma.
