Tolulope Popoola is a Creative Writer, Author, Writing Coach and Publishing Consultant. She is the founder of Accomplish Press, a coaching and publishing company, where she works with aspiring authors of all ages to write and publish the books they really want to.
Have you been thinking about writing a memoir? You know your life has stories worth telling, lessons learned, moments of heartbreak, resilience, and triumph. But every time you sit down to write, you feel overwhelmed and stuck. Where do you even begin? How can you make your memories compelling rather than just a collection of events? And most of all, who would even care about your story?
If you’ve ever felt this way, you’re not alone. The truth is, many aspiring writers get stuck before they even start. They feel overwhelmed by the sheer weight of their experiences and doubt their ability to shape their life story into something readable and meaningful.
In this article, I’m going to share some tips to help you overcome the doubts that may be holding you back. Writing a memoir isn’t just about recounting facts, it’s about turning your life into a powerful, unforgettable narrative.
Common myths about memoir writing
1. "My life isn’t interesting enough to write a memoir."
When people think about writing a memoir, they often fall into a few common traps. They believe they have to be famous. They think their life has to be extraordinary to be worth reading. They assume memoir writing is just about documenting facts rather than crafting a compelling story. They believe their stories need to be full of dramatic events to be worth telling. The truth is, memoirs are not about extraordinary lives; they’re about universal emotions. Readers connect with honesty, reflection, and personal growth, no matter how "ordinary" the life described may seem.
2. "I need to have a perfect memory to write a memoir."
Memoir writing isn't about recalling every detail exactly as it happened. It’s about capturing the essence and emotional truth of your experiences. Writers can use research, interviews, and reflection to piece together memories and shape a compelling narrative.
3. "Memoirs should include every detail of my life."
A memoir isn’t an autobiography. It doesn’t need to cover your entire life from birth to present. Instead, memoirs focus on specific themes or pivotal moments that shaped your journey.
4. "I can’t write about certain people because I’ll upset them."
While writing about real people can be tricky, it’s possible to tell your story while being respectful. Changing names, altering details, and focusing on your perspective rather than blaming others can help navigate sensitive topics.
5. "I need to be a great writer before I start."
The best memoirs aren’t written by literary experts; they’re written by people with a story to tell. Writing is a skill that improves with practice. The key is to start, revise, and refine your voice over time.
As you can see, none of these myths are true. Some of the most powerful memoirs come from everyday people sharing real, human experiences. They didn’t have to be perfect before they started. If you’ve lived, loved, lost, struggled, or grown in any way, you have a memoir worth writing.
How to get started
Writing a compelling memoir doesn’t have to be complicated. In fact, the best memoirs follow a simple process:
1. Define your theme
Before you start writing, ask yourself: What is my memoir really about? This isn’t just a collection of memories; it’s a story with a deeper message. Maybe your memoir is about resilience after loss, finding identity, or overcoming a traumatic event. Identifying your theme will give your memoir direction and focus.
2. Research and planning
Once you've settled on a theme, do some research. Look up similar books and explore key story elements like settings, time periods, or cultural contexts to add depth. Identify your target audience and structure your memoir to appeal to them. Also, brainstorm ideas for a title if you haven't already.
3. Outline your key moments
Think of your life as a movie. What are the most pivotal moments? Which experiences shaped you the most? Which moments are embedded in your mind because they were impactful? Which moment gave you clarity? Make a list of these turning points and start arranging them in a way that makes sense for your story. You don’t have to write in chronological order—start with the moments that feel the most powerful.
4. Show, don’t tell
Great memoirs make readers feel something. Practice using descriptive words to paint a picture or evoke an emotion for your reader. Instead of saying, “I was heartbroken,” describe what it was like to sit alone in your empty apartment, staring at the wedding photos you couldn’t bring yourself to take down. The more vividly you paint a picture, the more your readers will connect with your story.
5. Write as if you’re talking to a friend
Your memoir isn’t a history book; it’s more like a conversation between you and the reader. Write the way you’d speak to a close friend. Be honest, be vulnerable, and don’t worry about sounding “perfect.” The more real your writing is, the more engaging it will be. If you're struggling to write, try speaking your ideas aloud and recording them. You might find it easier to express your stories this way. Use speech-to-text software to transcribe the recordings, then edit until you’re satisfied with the text.
6. Write the entire first draft, then edit ruthlessly
The first draft is just the beginning. Once you’ve finished writing your story, take a break from it for a while so you can gain some distance. Then, come back to it with fresh eyes. It’s easy to get emotionally attached to your work because, after all, it’s your story. However, you should cut out anything that doesn’t serve your theme. Learn the art of editing carefully so you can strengthen your dialogue, sharpen your descriptions, and ensure every sentence keeps your reader engaged. When you feel you’ve done enough editing, get feedback from trusted beta readers who can spot things you may have missed.
By following these steps, you’ll create a memoir that is both deeply personal and universally relatable. Most importantly, you’ll write something that feels true to you.
Overcoming challenges and roadblocks
Writing a memoir is deeply personal and rewarding, but it also comes with its fair share of challenges. Once you start writing, new obstacles will arise. Doubt will creep in. You might wonder if your story is “good enough.” You might struggle with motivation. You might worry about what your family will think.
The key to overcoming these roadblocks is to keep showing up. Set a writing schedule, even if it’s just 15 minutes a day. Remind yourself that perfection isn’t the goal, progress is. And when self-doubt whispers that your story isn’t worth telling, remember: your truth matters.
Keep your end goal in mind. Think about why you want to write your memoir, and picture yourself achieving that goal. Do you want to share your inspiring life story to bless others? Do you want to write a story that teaches a lesson? Do you want to highlight an important topic or issue that affected you and potentially help people? Do you want to document a historical event you feel the world needs to know? Whatever your reason for writing, focus on the end result. When you’re tempted to reach for the TV remote or watch a YouTube video, remind yourself of your goal. Think about what completing the book will mean for your sense of achievement and the fulfillment of your long-held dream. When you can visualize yourself typing “THE END” on your finished manuscript, you’ll be motivated to stick with it until you make it a reality.
Some other obstacles you may face, and how to overcome them
1. What if I don’t know where to start?
Start by brainstorming key moments, themes, or life lessons you want to share. Create a timeline or mind map of significant events, and focus on a central theme to guide your writing. Remember, you don’t have to start at the beginning, write the most vivid memories first and shape the structure later.
2. What if I struggle with self-doubt?
Almost every writer faces imposter syndrome. Instead of worrying whether your story is “good enough,” focus on why you’re writing it; to inspire, to heal, to leave a legacy. Trust that your unique voice and perspective will resonate with readers.
3. What if I can’t remember all the details?
It’s normal to have gaps in memory. Use journals, photos, letters, and conversations with family or friends to fill in missing details. However, memoirs are about emotional truth, not perfect recall—write what you remember and what it meant to you.
4. What if I get stuck in the middle of my memoir?
If this happens, take a step back and revisit your theme. Are you straying too far from your main message? Are you getting bogged down in unnecessary details? Refocusing on your core story can help you push through writer’s block and keep going.
5. How do I handle writing about painful memories?
Writing about trauma or difficult experiences can be emotionally taxing. Take breaks when needed, seek support from a therapist or trusted friend, and focus on the growth or resolution in your story. Writing can be a powerful tool for healing.
6. What if I’m worried about what others will think?
It’s your story. While it’s understandable to worry about how others might react, remember that you have the right to share your truth. If needed, change names or locations, or focus on your perspective rather than making accusations.
Conclusion
Writing a memoir is one of the most powerful things you can do. It’s a way to honour your experiences, reflect on your growth, and connect with others through the universal truths of life. More importantly, it’s a gift—to yourself and to those who will read your story.
You don’t need to be famous. You don’t need a perfect memory. You don’t need to be a professional writer. All you need is the courage to begin. Your story matters. And now, you have the tools to tell it. So don’t wait. Start writing today. The world needs your story.
If you’ve been thinking of writing a memoir and need support, that’s what I’m here for. As a writing coach, I’m on a mission to help you, whether you’re an aspiring author, a passionate storyteller, or a parent nurturing a young writer, turn your ideas into compelling books. If you’ve ever felt stuck, overwhelmed, or unsure about your writing journey, reach out and schedule a call with me today.
Tolulope Popoola, Writing Coach and Publishing Consultant
Tolulope Popoola is a Creative Writer, Author, Writing Coach and Publishing Consultant. She established Accomplish Press and The Creative Writing Academy to provide writers like herself with an opportunity to have their works written and published. She now works with aspiring authors of all ages to overcome their obstacles, clear their doubts and reconnect with their creative side, so that they can finally write and publish the books within them! Through her award-winning Creative Writing Club for Kids and Teens, Tolulope has worked with several young authors to improve their writing skills and confidence.
