Written by: Victoria Baylor, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
There is a popular quote by Zig Ziglar that states "Failure is an event and not a person". Although we all rationally know that to be true it's sometimes hard to believe otherwise when faced with a major failure in our business, career, or even life. Seriously, when you've lost an account, messed up a pitch, or failed to land that ideal client it can be really hard to objectively deal with that defeat. And in most cases trying to make a comeback in the face of such calamity is the last thing on your mind. Where do you even begin to start to rebuild? Is it even possible? These are loaded questions and oftentimes harder to answer when you're emotionally impaired.
When was the last time you've struggled through a major failure? If you’ve taken a massive hit and experienced some serious failure, then you may have been more concerned with licking your wounds or trying to do something to stop the bleeding of emotions— such as disappointment, hurt, disgust, or even shock. So even suggesting anything related to a comeback seems premature when your emotions are all tied up in knots. We all know it takes EXTRA effort to pull out of a “failure-related funk” and push forward to make a comeback. As with anything, this oftentimes is easier said than done. But it is possible to push through the funk of failure. I’ve personally always been inspired and amazed by people with the grit and determination to keep moving despite their setbacks and disappointments. I’ve witnessed some amazing people I know take big “L's” or losses and bounce back stronger than ever. I’m not talking about the mini little failures we all experience every day but the bigger ones—loss of a job, denied promotions, business failure, etc, and still pushing forward in search of the next opportunity. I’ve taken a few “L”’s myself and like many of you have the battle scars to prove it. I realized that "Resilient" people view failure differently than most which is why they are able to survive it. Having been there myself personally and witnessed other people do the same I offer the following wisdom on how to go from failure to comeback:
1. Own the failure
Denial isn’t a river in Egypt and pretending what happened didn’t happen won’t get you any closer to closure. Forgo blaming other people and back peddling. This may sound harsh but sometimes you just have to rip the band-aid off (Trust me I've had to do this myself). Own what happened and all of the realities that come with it. If it was your fault, own that but choose to forgive yourself as well.
2. Mourn the failure
Once you've accepted the loss it's time to mourn it. Funerals are important for a reason and aren’t just customary. They internally allow people to process their loss in a real tangible way. Ignoring the failure will only keep it bottled up within. Mourning allows you to release. Some great ways to “mourn” your personal failures are to cry them out, speak with a trusted friend, and journal them. One unique way is to write yourself a letter about the whole incident, put it in an envelope, and tear it up. It will help with the release.
3. Understand that defeat is a final destination whereas failure is a short rest stop
When you realize that failures are just brief pauses you'll be more inclined to use them as a way to re-group and get the necessary feedback to come up with a better strategy to move forward. Don’t choose to stay in your failure—move on.
4. Refuse to internalize it
Remember failures are what happens to you but they aren’t YOU. Let me repeat—YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE! When we’re emotionally processing sometimes, our wires get crossed and we start believing negatively about ourselves. You could fail 100X and you would never be a failure unless you think you are.
5. Focus more on learning versus the failure itself.
I love the saying that goes "I've never failed, I just learned". Having such a positive attitude toward failure will normalize it and keep you from experiencing the hi's and lows of it. I love Sara Blakely's concept of Failure. As a kid, her Dad always asked her what she failed at and would celebrate it. He taught them to equate failure to not trying. She credits that lesson for helping her build the billion-dollar company we all know as Spanxtoday.
Navigating failure isn't always easy but it's completely possible when you have the right thought process and a positive mindset. The question isn't so much what didn't work but how you can leverage the situation to grow. Following these aforementioned steps will ensure you seamlessly move from failure to come back in the strongest way possible.
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Victoria Baylor, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Driven by a profound sense to help High-Performing Leaders excel and showcase their Brilliance, Victoria Baylor offers her expertise in the fields of leadership development, mindset growth, and personal branding to help entrepreneurs, professionals, & organizational leaders gain the Clarity + Confidence to get out of their heads and excel in leadership. She is a Certified Mindset & Clarity Coach, NLP Practitioner, TEDx Speaker & 1 Amazon Best Selling Author whose holistic approach to coaching, speaking, and writing helps others accelerate their growth and push past their limitations.
After 15 years in research science, Victoria found her True Calling and purpose in behavioral science when she realized how easy it is for Women to lose their identities to the roles they serve in. She shares her insights & story in her TEDx talk, "You Are Who You Are, Not What You Do". This experience led her to focus on providing Coaching to help entrepreneurial & professionals (men and women) move beyond their mindset blocks and gain the personal brand clarity and strong mindset needed to operate as high-level leaders.
She also offers organizational interventions in the form of trainings, seminars, and/or team building to polish brilliant leaders. She is a writer for multiple publications and a podcast host. She serves on several boards and non-profit organizations. For fun, she enjoys traveling, cooking, and reading. She lives in Savannah Georgia with her husband and 14-year-old daughter, Reilly.
