For the first half of her career, Debra Whitson was a prosecutor, and she spent the latter half specializing in Matrimonial and Family Law. She is an experienced mediator and collaborative divorce practitioner as well as a recognized expert in working with victims of domestic violence.
The holiday season can be a joyful time of year, filled with celebrations, family gatherings, and cherished traditions. However, for divorced or separated parents, it can also bring unique challenges, especially when navigating child custody arrangements. Emotions often run high during this season, and balancing time between both parents while ensuring children feel loved and secure can be complex. Fortunately, with thoughtful planning and a cooperative approach, the holiday season can remain a positive and memorable experience for everyone involved.
Here are five effective ways to navigate child custody during the holidays to help parents create an enjoyable holiday season for their children.
1. Plan ahead and communicate early
One of the most important steps to ensuring a smooth holiday season is early planning and open communication with your co-parent. By discussing holiday schedules and expectations well in advance, you can avoid last-minute conflicts and misunderstandings that may disrupt holiday plans for both parents and children.
To get started, sit down with your co-parent (or communicate through your attorneys or a mediator if needed) to discuss:
Specific dates and times for holiday events, including who will pick up and drop off the children.
Any planned travel or extended family gatherings that may affect the schedule.
Each parent’s holiday traditions and priorities, so that they can be accommodated as best as possible.
It can be helpful to map out a shared calendar that includes detailed schedules for the holiday period. This not only provides clarity but also allows children to see what to expect, helping them feel more secure.
2. Create a fair and flexible schedule
Holidays are special, and it’s natural for both parents to want to spend this time with their children. Many custody agreements include provisions for holiday schedules, which may involve alternating holidays each year or splitting time on specific days. When creating a holiday schedule, try to prioritize fairness and flexibility.
Here are a few common scheduling options that work well for many families:
Alternate holidays: One parent has the children for Thanksgiving, while the other has them for Christmas, then switch the following year.
Split days: Divide the holiday itself so the children spend part of the day with each parent. This can work well for parents who live close to each other.
Extended holiday periods: Some parents choose to give each other uninterrupted holiday time, with one parent having the children from Christmas Eve through Christmas morning and the other taking them from Christmas afternoon onward.
If you find that an agreed-upon schedule isn’t quite working as expected, be open to adjusting it to fit both parents’ needs and create a more positive experience for the children. Flexibility and understanding can help avoid conflicts and ensure the holidays remain special for your child.
3. Prioritize your child’s well-being and happiness
The holiday season is ultimately about the children, so it’s important to focus on their well-being and happiness when making custody decisions. Although you may have specific traditions or preferences, keeping the children’s needs at the forefront can help minimize stress and disappointment for them.
Some ways to prioritize your child’s well-being include:
Minimizing transitions: Constant back-and-forth transitions can be stressful for children. Try to minimize the number of custody exchanges during holiday celebrations so that they can enjoy uninterrupted time.
Respecting their feelings: Ask your child for their thoughts on holiday plans, especially if they are old enough to express their feelings. This can give them a sense of control and allow them to share what matters most to them.
Creating positive experiences: Ensure that your child’s holiday experience is enjoyable and meaningful by focusing on quality time and creating new memories together, rather than worrying about who “gets” the children for each specific event.
By putting your child’s needs first, you’re helping them enjoy the holidays without feeling caught in the middle of any parental conflicts.
4. Respect each other’s traditions and build new ones
Divorce or separation often changes the way holidays are celebrated, but it can also create opportunities to establish new traditions that reflect your family’s unique situation. Respecting your co-parent’s holiday traditions and building new ones with your children can foster a sense of stability and joy.
Consider the following tips:
Honor existing traditions: If your co-parent has a family tradition that is meaningful to your child, do your best to honor it, even if it means adjusting your own schedule.
Create your own traditions: Establish new holiday traditions with your child that they can look forward to each year. This could be something as simple as baking holiday cookies, decorating the house, or watching a holiday movie together.
Encourage celebration with both families: Emphasize that celebrating with both parents is a positive experience and that they don’t have to “choose” one parent over the other. This helps children feel supported by both sides and reduces the pressure to favor one household.
Embracing new traditions alongside existing ones helps children enjoy the holidays in their own way and adapt to their family’s changing dynamics.
5. Seek professional support if needed
Despite everyone’s best efforts, conflicts around holiday custody can still arise. If communication with your co-parent breaks down or if there are disagreements about the holiday schedule, consider seeking the help of a mediator, counselor, or family law attorney. Professional support can help you work through disputes in a constructive and non-confrontational way, keeping the focus on your child’s best interests.
A mediator, for example, can facilitate a conversation that helps both parents express their needs and find a mutually acceptable solution. Similarly, family counseling can be beneficial for children who may be struggling with the new holiday arrangements after their parents’ separation. If the dispute is significant and unresolved, consulting with a family law attorney may be necessary to ensure any arrangements align with your custody agreement or court order.
Professional guidance can make a challenging situation more manageable, helping you and your co-parent reach a solution that ensures a positive holiday experience for your children.
Final thoughts
The holidays can be a joyful yet challenging time for divorced or separated families, but with proactive planning, open communication, and a focus on your child’s happiness, it’s possible to create a meaningful and enjoyable season for everyone involved. Remember that every family is different, and finding the right balance may take time. Prioritizing flexibility, fairness, and the well-being of your children will allow you to navigate holiday custody arrangements in a way that promotes peace, stability, and cherished memories for years to come.
At WhitsonLaw, we understand the complexities of child custody during the holidays. Our team is here to provide guidance, support, and mediation services to help families create workable solutions that make the holiday season a positive experience for parents and children alike. If you’re struggling with holiday custody arrangements or have questions about your rights, don’t hesitate to reach out to us.
Contact us on 518-412-4111 for more information on how we can support you and your family during the holidays and beyond.
Debra Whitson, Attorney, Mediator, Certified Divorce Specialist™
For the first half of her career, Debra Whitson was a prosecutor, and she spent the latter half specializing in Matrimonial and Family Law. She is an experienced mediator and collaborative divorce practitioner as well as a recognized expert in working with victims of domestic violence. Debra believes that legal battles are more harmful to families than helpful, and is passionate about helping people find ways to make their own decisions for their families, rather than leaving their outcomes in the hands of a stranger in a black robe. When court is unavoidable, Debra aims to educate and support people to make the legal process less costly, scary, uncertain, and stressful.
