Written by Lucy Maeve, Transformational Coach
Lucy Maeve, a former J.P. Morgan salesperson turned trauma-informed coach, empowers high achievers to transform their stories from perpetual questioning of 'Is this it?' to living authentically meaningful lives. Featured in The Telegraph, The Times, and the BBC, her work resonates with those hungry for deeper meaning."
For a long time, I thought that being powerful meant leading a big team, having a huge salary, driving a beautiful car, and flying first class. Then, I achieved most of those things and never felt more powerless. This article explores that exact paradox and how to solve it so that we can live meaningful, powerful lives.
In a world that has long glorified power as dominance over others, a quiet revolution is brewing. This revolution transforms our understanding of power away from external control to an internal force of our own personal empowerment. A sense of empowerment that goes far deeper than superficial ‘I am good enough’ mantras I used to have on my mirror and deep into the guts of who we truly are. For many of us, this shift might just be the key to escaping burnout, finding fulfillment and direction, and truly thriving in our lives.
The quiet awakening: Redefining true power
To me, being powerful has always been synonymous with having control. With nine years of investment banking under my belt, I was deeply conditioned to see corporate ladders, titles, and salaries as the biggest markers of success. But as I climbed the ladder and objectively gained more power through status and salary, the fulfilment I was after never fully materialised. This left me confused, frustrated, and, to be honest, slightly jaded. Little did I know at the time that a truer form of power was about to be born through me, a form of power that goes beyond mere control and empowers us to pursue what we really want in life so we can get to the end of this journey of ‘humanising’ grateful for the magic and wonder we’ve created.
I got sucked into the allure of old paradigm power
For those of us who are high achievers, it’s almost impossible not to succumb to its shiny facade. We chase it relentlessly, under the illusion that when we get ‘there,’ we’ll feel different than we do now. Yet, what a lot of my clients find is that, despite the accolades, they feel empty. This was never more obvious to me than the day I got my first six-figure bonus the assumption was that I would feel elated. The opposite was true. I spent an hour crying on a yoga mat a few hours later, never having felt more lost.
So what the hell is going on?
The problem, for many of us, is that we started to conflate our worth with our achievements. Brought up in homes where we were praised primarily for our A-grade maths papers and less for who we were as people, we started to chase achievement as a way of being validated, loved, and shown that we were enough. Look around any high-flying corporate environment, and you’ll likely see a group of people so desperate for validation that they will do anything (including completely abandoning what they truly want from life) for that promotion, that raise, that sense of being ‘good’ and ‘important.’ But it’s the hungry ghost.
Why? Because what we are truly seeking can never be appeased by a salary or a title. Our desperate hunger for the love we wish we’d had as a child cannot ever be satiated by a job. Ever.
The power of choice: Defining your own reality
I experienced the pain of this firsthand, and the only thing that solved it was shifting my focus from a desperate desire for validation from outside towards my own personal power.
My own power to choose
My own power to determine what I validate myself for and what I don’t
My own power to choose the path of my life
As I started to see the ways in which I had created a life defined by my own insatiable hunger to be seen as ‘good enough,’ I noticed that I was simultaneously gifted the opportunity to choose a different way. I was no longer at the whims of my subconscious conditioning, and I had the power of choice.
This is the essence of personal power, the power to choose. The power to define our reality based on what we desire versus a reactionary way of living is defined by the tequila-style hangover from our childhoods.
A catalyst for change: The societal impact of personal power
The world will change when we collectively make the decision to shift away from our obsession with external validation to a world where we are fed and watered by our own sense of agency and choice in life. Wars would end in an instant. Corporate BS would dissolve. Divorce rates would plummet. The depression pandemic would disappear. It’s not so fluffy. Yay, let's all be kind, love ourselves, and have a bubble bath. It’s world-changing work and, therefore, the most important work you will ever do.
Pathways to empowerment: Practical steps for personal growth
Notice: Just notice what comes up for you as you read this article. Where are you unconsciously giving your power away? Where are you seeking love from another to fill the void of love in yourself?
Get honest: Your parents did the very best they could with the tools and awareness they had, but it’s time to get honest. Reflect on your childhood: where did you feel most loved? When did you receive the most praise? Did you feel unconditionally approved of, or were there conditions to the love? Chances are, you’ll be continuing to live all of this out in your life as an adult.
Practise your no: Those of us who are addicted to external validation are also typically people pleasers. To get closer to the true essence of personal power, we have to start getting comfortable with saying ‘no,’ even if it ruffles feathers. When we say yes when it is really a no, we are handing over our personal power on a silver platter. Take it back.
Connect with your body: Our minds may be the part of us that drives us to work hard, to do more, to achieve more, but our bodies are the fuel source for the patterns in our minds. The unprocessed pain that fuels our desire for validation lives in the cells of our body. Work with a somatic therapist, go to yoga, do body meditations, and start to notice how your emotional body feels day to day intentionally.
Get support: Personal power flourishes in a community in the same way that external validation-seeking flourishes in the company. If your office is filled with people all stuck on the same hamster wheel, expand your echo chamber, go to personal development workshops, find a coach, join a group program, and tell the people you love that you’re on this journey so they can keep you accountable to it.
If you want to feel confident, clear, and sure of your direction in life, this is the most important work you will ever do. Channel your desperation to be validated by others into fuel to find validation in yourself, and your world will be forever changed.
Read more from Lucy Maeve
Lucy Maeve, Transformational Coach
Lucy Maeve is a trailblazer in empowering high achievers to rewrite their narratives and embrace authentic living.
Drawing from her own journey away from a successful finance career, Lucy incorporates insights from trauma-informed practices and breathwork inspired by mentors such as Gabor Mate and Layla Martin. Her expertise, featured in The Telegraph, The Times, and the BBC, helps clients rediscover their true selves.
Based in Cape Town, Lucy's passions include (bad) dancing, ocean waves, and indulging in Lindt Orange Intense chocolate, all while striving to ensure no soul is left uninspired.
