Written by: Patrick J. Welsh, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
There are a kazillion books, articles, and experts on the topic of connecting and communicating with others. With this contribution, there will now be a kazillion and one. Right? C’mon, I know you smiled. There, I just connected with you. Why? Because I told you something you already know to be true, and I got you to agree with me and hopefully smile for a brief second. There is an art, and a bit of science, to connecting and communicating with others. Most folks know the principles but never really have thought about them.
The Art
This is the progression of the art and principles in connecting and communicating with others: Connecting and communicating are two different things. Connecting is relationship-driven, requiring finding things in common with the other person. Communication is message-driven. And one must ensure the message delivered is the message received. So communication requires feedback from the recipient to the deliverer of the message. For communication to be most effective, one needs first to develop a connection with the recipient. I have done this for over 40 years in the legal arena of courtroom testimony as well as in the law enforcement world as a sworn (now retired) cop. Connecting with total strangers? Really. So, how do you connect with total strangers and convince them to agree with you in the courtroom or on the street? First, introduce yourself! Then have a genuine conversation where you are trying to find something in common with them. On the street, I would ask questions and intently listen to the answer, hoping to develop something in common. Most folks call this building rapport. Once you find that commonality, then you can tell them something they already know to be true. In the courtroom, I would tell judges and juries that I had been dispatched to a certain address. I would follow that with this statement, “You might recognize that address is only a few short blocks from (fill in the blank, which would be a landmark like the Third St. Bridge or Dragon’s Stadium, or University of Dayton Arena).” And when I said that, I would slightly nod my head – seeking their agreement. Always several jurors would nod their heads. This is a huge win in the area of connecting and communicating with others. Why? Because it tells me they are listening to me and agree with me. In the science arena, it also tells me they are more inclined to like me – because I am telling them something they know to be true.
The Mind and how it works.
Here is how the human mind functions ‒ you hear in stereo, remember in video, and think in questions. So, knowing that, your job in connecting and communicating with others is to turn on that video and anticipate and answer their questions.
Literally, your job in the business world is to get people to like you. Because if people like you, they are more inclined to listen to you. If they listen to you, they are more inclined to agree with you. If they agree with you, they are more inclined to do what you ask them. If you are the south end of a northbound horse, people are not going to like you. That simple, that truthful. So, what is the “secret” to making all this advice work in real life? First, there is no secret. Write this down, make a plaque of it, and put it on your business cards and website – always strive to do the right thing at the right time, the right way, and for the right reason. Why plaster it everywhere in your workspace? Because repetition is the mother of all learning. The more you hear something repeated the more likely you are to remember it and probably believe it. Exhibit A: social media! Repeatedly hearing and seeing your core principles then helps to build the culture you want in the workplace.
What is “Culture”?
This is the progression of culture: everything begins with a thought – EVERYTHING! Thoughts breed attitudes – an attitude is simply a settled way of thinking. Attitudes are typically displayed in behaviors/actions. Ever tell your kid, “I don’t like your attitude!”? What you are saying is don’t like their behavior which reflects what they are thinking. Same in the workplace. Repeated actions become habits. Habits become culture. Because this is the definition of culture: the expected and accepted way of thinking, talking, and acting within a group, if you have a toxic work culture and want to change it, you must begin with changing how people think! New rules, regs, and orders won’t change your culture. You may get compliant with the rules, but you won’t change your culture for the good of the order. People will still be unhappy, still toxic, still looking to jump ship – they will just learn to be compliant, not productive.
5 Steps to creating work culture.
Here are some steps you can take to create the culture you desire for your workplace.
Check yourself first. Maybe you are the problem. Ask your folks to complete a Performance Appraisal of you. I suggest you make this an anonymous evaluation. Ask what they think you expect and accept from them in the way they think, talk and act in the workplace. How do they perceive how you think, talk and act?
Ask your folks to complete an Appraisal of the company, and within the individual units they work. Ask what is the expected and accepted way of thinking, talking and acting within their group. You might be very surprised at their answers. And you will know the perceived culture of the unit and company.
Seek out third-party facilitators to do an assessment of your company and recommend areas that need improvement and how to go about implementing them. This should include a management assessment that ensures you have the right people in the right seats/job assignments.
As well as assess your company processes and procedures. Remember this, though – it is about you people first. As John Maxwell famously said,” People won’t care about what you think until they first know that you care about them.”
Once you identify and isolate the strategic issues, then create and implement strategic solutions to solve those issues. Understand this is a process that can take several months or longer. Doing the right thing must always include doing it the right way and at the right time. Hope is not a strategy when it comes to creating a new culture within an organization. Simply hoping things will change always fails. Have specific, measurable, achievable, realistic and trackable goals. This is the first step to clearly identifying what is expected and accepted by your folks.
I remind myself often the principle shared in Sun Tzu and The Art of War: the best chance for the success of change to take place is through the internalization of the value of the change, not through the external imposition of rules and regulations. In other words, if the people think the change is good for them, they will have the attitudes and habits to make it successful. If it is an environment of “Do it because I said so.”, you will only be feeding the toxic beast and things will never change for the better. Want a better home and community life? The title of this short piece is about the art of connecting and communicating. Everything I shared above applies in the home and in your life outside work. I gave an 8-hour training session to about 400 Security Forces Squadron members, from Airman up to a Brig. General, at a US Air Force base. It was designed to help bring about a change in the culture of the Air Force as it related to Article 15’s and court-martials in the Security Forces across the entire Air Force. The most impactful Instructor Evaluation comment I got back from a Senior NCO was this, “Thank you, you have given me the tools to save my marriage.”
Connecting, communicating and building healthy cultures is not just in the workplace. It is a part of every area of your life. Within your faith life, family life, and community life remember this:
Always strive to do the right thing, at the right time, the right way, and for the right reasons.
Patrick J. Welsh, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Pat Welsh is an author, speaker, trainer, and expert witness. A retired Major from the Dayton Police Department (OH), Pat is the author of the Best New Release, Warrior, Servant, Leader: Life Behind the Badge (2015), Warrior, Servant, Leader: Life Behind the Cross (2018) and a co-author of the Best Seller, Healing Happens (2014). Pat is a Contributing Author to the new release Igniting Your Influence (2022)
Pat is the Chief Operating Officer, and General Counsel of API International Consulting Group, Inc. API specializes in identifying and isolating strategic problems faced by their government, corporate, individual and litigation firm clients and then providing strategic solutions to solve those problems.
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