Laurenza Buglisi specialises in supporting families affected by sexual violence, intergenerational trauma, and family estrangement. She also provides training and consultancy in child safeguarding practices for organisations and social work professionals.
Is your child struggling with their mental health or wellbeing? Have they recently told you they would like to talk to someone about what is going on? Maybe you’ve noticed changes in your child’s behaviour or emotions and you would like them to be supported by a professional. As both a parent and therapist myself, I understand just how important it is to get the right fit when finding a counsellor. Organising counselling for your child can be a daunting process and can sometimes induce feelings of shame and guilt if you believe you have somehow let your child down. Keep in mind that your decision to access professional support is actually an indication of your commitment to their mental health and wellbeing and is something to be proud of. Read on to learn my top five tips in how to choose the best counsellor to work with your child.
Logistics
The first thing you need to consider are the logistical requirements of the counselling service you are seeking. In order to take the first step, you need to have a general sense of the type of service you are seeking as not all counselling services are similar. This will be often defined by the type of problem or problems your child is experiencing. For example, if you have serious concerns about their mental health and believe they are a risk to their own safety, you might be seeking a specialist mental health service attached to a hospital. Likewise, if they have disclosed sexual abuse, it might be worthwhile accessing a specialist sexual assault counsellor who works at a multidisciplinary centre alongside forensic doctors and specialist police detectives for holistic care.
Ideally you would be looking for face-to-face counselling, however if you live in a rural or remote area this might limit your options. There may be organisations that operate out of a nearby satellite office on occasion, however you might prefer to access remote video teleconferencing in the interim. A good starting point is to decide how far you are prepared to travel to access counselling for your child, as this can narrow your options.
It is also important to consider whether you are seeking appointments outside school hours, as this can mean longer waiting times as many families prefer that counselling appointments not affect school time. Depending on the seriousness of the issues your child is facing, you might also consider accessing support through your child’s school if there is a Student Wellbeing Team that provides generalist short-term support.
If you are looking for counsellors outside your child’s school, you can generally expect lengthy delays in the time you make the referral to when your child is seen. Some parents decide to pursue counsellors working in private practice as wait times can be shorter than in the public system. Counsellors in private practice also usually provide greater flexibility regarding availability and may have appointments after business hours (including weekends). It is also worth clarifying the cost of sessions, what the eligibility criteria is, and whether there are any restrictions on number of sessions accessed. In some countries you can access subsidised counselling sessions if your child is diagnosed with a mental illness by their General Practitioner, who can then make a referral to a mental health clinician. In Australia this is known as a Mental Health Care Treatment Plan and at the time of writing allows you access to up to ten individual and ten group sessions with a mental health professional each calendar year. For more information, visit here. In some circumstances, your family private health insurance might also cover counselling sessions if your child is included in this cover.
Qualifications and experience
It is important to understand that counselling as such is a skill not necessarily a qualification in of itself, and so many health professionals from different backgrounds can provide counselling if they have receive adequate training. Professional university training will shape your counsellors approach to their understanding of the problem and the strategies they implement in sessions. Ideally you would seek a professional who has undertaken university training in a health related discipline, such as psychology, psychiatry, social work, occupational therapy, or mental health nursing. Most of these professions require official registration and strict adherence to practice standards and a code of ethics, which is intended to protect the community from harmful practice. It is common for such professionals to then specialise further in specific training that shapes their approach, such as undertaking study in family therapy, child psychotherapy and psychoanalysis, play therapy, sandplay therapy, music therapy, art therapy etc.
Finding a counsellor with reputable qualification is more important if your child is experiencing serious issues that require specialist support. For example, a counsellor with a diploma in counselling might be appropriate if your child is experiencing bullying at school and only requires generalist short-term support. In addition to qualifications, it is important to enquire about a counsellors experiencing working with children or young people (depending on the age of your child). This is a client group that not all practitioners are skilled in working with. If you require specialist services then you would want a counsellor with experience in that particular area of practice, for instance working with children with autism or problem sexual behaviours. Overall, the qualifications and experience of the counsellor will shape their approach to how they work with your child so it is important that you actively enquire about this prior to scheduling any appointments.
Parental intuition
Never discount your own intuition when liaising with a prospective counsellor. No one knows your child as well as you do and as with any healthcare professional, you can expect variations even between similarly qualified and experienced counsellors. Ideally you want to find someone who makes you feel comfortable and safe, who is composed and engages in respectful communication. If you are left with even the slightest doubt, it is recommended not to proceed. It is important to find a counsellor who is open about their qualifications, experience and approach, and who seems genuinely happy to answer any questions you have. This demonstrates a commitment to transparency and accountability. Due to confidentiality, it may not be possible to request to speak with other clients the counsellor has seen but you may also be able to find a counsellor based on a recommendation. If so, that can be a good opportunity for you to ask whether that person was satisfied with the counsellor and how they would describe the counsellors style. It can also be useful to ask the potential counsellor how they structure their sessions, how they will introduce the concept of counselling itself, and what information if any is fed back to the parent/s on progress. These questions are often helpful in revealing a counsellor’s integrity and willingness to include the family.
Collaborative, systemic work
It can be surprising for many parents to learn that the approaches counsellors take when working with children or young people varies from counsellor to counsellor. This is further influenced by the organisational context within which the counsellor works. For example, a counsellor at a school is more likely to see the student prior to seeing the parents (if they see them at all). A counsellor trained in play therapy or sandplay therapy may be inclined to meet with the parent first but the sessions will be focused on individual work with the child. A family therapist may only ever see the child in family sessions where the parents are always present and actively part of the session. A social worker might insist on seeing the parents for a couple of sessions to gather important family information to inform their holistic assessment before they even see the child alone. Since there is no universal approach to working with children and young people, it is important to clarify with a prospective counsellor exactly what their approach is. At an absolute minimum, it is advisable to find a counsellor that includes the parent/s in some capacity, such as meeting with them prior to seeing their child and then providing some level of feedback over the period they see the child for counselling. Counsellors trained in systemic ways of working are also more likely to consider the impact of the child or young person’s worries on the entire family, which might mean they are able to quickly identify possible referrals for the parent/s if required. This can be especially helpful if the issue that brings your child to counselling is something that has a significant impact on you, such as a recent disclosure of sexual abuse. Ideally you would want to find a counsellor whose approach is supported by evidence but also flexible to a degree.
Noticeable improvement in your child’s mental health and wellbeing
It is imperative of course that your child also feels comfortable, safe and secure with the prospective counsellor, however it is advisable for you to not prioritise your child’s rapport in the absence of your own assessment. Afterall, you are the parent and are responsible for making sure you have screened the counsellor to the best of your ability. Your child’s response to that particular counsellor will be the final part of your decision to proceed. An exception to this will be if your child is an adolescent, in which case the young person’s decision is given more weight and you might need to take solace simply in the fact that they are pursuing counselling. It is reasonable to expect a child or young person might feel nervous before their first session but a willingness to return is often a sign that rapport was at least established. Over time, you would expect to see a tangible improvement in their mental health and wellbeing and if not, this would be something you should feedback to the counsellor. It might be that your child requires additional support or that generalist counselling is not working.
Ultimately, the right counsellor for your child is someone with the appropriate qualifications and experience who is open to working with families to achieve the best outcome for the child or young person. To learn more about the online family support I provide, visit my website.
Read more from Laurenza Buglisi
Laurenza Buglisi, Social Worker & Family Therapist
Laurenza Buglisi is a qualified Social Worker and Family Therapist who specialises in child sexual abuse. She was the founder of Juno’s Circle: Counselling, Training and Consulting, supporting families with complex trauma. Laurenza is committed to ensuring all families are equipped with the necessary tools and resources to parent protectively. As a mother to three young children herself, she understands the challenges of raising children in a digital age with an increased prevalence of child sexual exploitation. Laurenza is passionate about working with organisations and social work professionals to ensure a clearer understanding of compliance with child safe practice standards and reporting obligations.
