Written by Eileen Borski, Therapist
Eileen Borski is a therapist who specializes in providing brain-based care to individuals to address roadblocks in career, academics, sports, creativity and relationships. Her approach includes techniques that influence brain patterns using EMDR (eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) and neurofeedback.
Have you ever felt like you are your own worst enemy? You set ambitious goals, feel excited about change, and make progress, only to somehow sabotage your success. Maybe you procrastinate, second-guess yourself, or fall back into old habits that hold you back.
If you have ever found yourself in this situation, you are not alone. Self-sabotage is a common pattern of thoughts and behaviors that many of us struggle with, hindering us from achieving our true desires in life. It can affect our relationships, careers, health, and personal growth, trapping us in a cycle of frustration and disappointment.
But here’s the empowering truth: You have the power to break free. Research shows that self-destructive behaviors often stem from past experiences, unresolved trauma, and limiting beliefs embedded in the brain (National Institute of Health, 2021). By identifying and stopping these five self-defeating behaviors, you can regain control, boost your confidence, and start living the life you truly deserve.
1. Stop negative self-talk: Your mind believes you
Your thoughts shape your reality. Research in cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) indicates that negative self-talk can reinforce depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem (NIH, 2022). If your inner dialogue is filled with self-doubt, criticism, or limiting beliefs, it can become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Negative self-talk is often rooted in past experiences, childhood conditioning, or fear of failure. Over time, it erodes self-esteem, increases stress, and reinforces self-sabotaging behaviors.
How to stop it
Catch and challenge the thought: When you notice a negative thought, ask yourself, Is this true? Would I say this to a friend?
Replace it with empowering statements: Instead of saying, "I'm terrible at this," reframe it as, "I'm learning and improving every day."
Practice self-compassion: Speak to yourself with kindness and encouragement, just as you would to a loved one.
By shifting your inner dialogue, you change how you experience yourself and open the door to greater confidence and success.
2. Stop procrastinating: Action beats anxiety
Procrastination is one of the most common forms of self-sabotage. According to the American Counseling Association (ACA), procrastination is often linked to fear, fear of failure, imperfection, or even success (ACA, 2023). You might delay starting something because it feels overwhelming, or you might avoid tasks altogether to escape feelings of anxiety.
However, procrastination does not make things easier; it makes them worse. Studies show that chronic procrastination increases stress, lowers self-efficacy, and negatively impacts mental well-being (NIH, 2021).
How to stop it
Break it down: Large tasks feel overwhelming, so divide them into small, manageable steps. Start with something simple to build momentum.
Set a timer: Use the "Pomodoro Technique"; work for 25 minutes, then take a five-minute break. This can make starting tasks less intimidating (NIH, 2023).
Remind yourself of the why: Connect your task to a bigger goal. If you are avoiding exercise, remind yourself that it’s about feeling healthier and stronger, not just “working out.”
Taking small, consistent steps beats waiting for the “perfect” moment, which rarely arrives.
3. Stop seeking perfection: Progress over perfection
Perfectionism might seem like a good trait, it means you care about doing things well, right? But perfectionism is fear in disguise. It creates unrealistic expectations, making you feel like nothing is ever "good enough."
The NIH has found that perfectionism is linked to higher levels of stress, anxiety, and burnout, particularly among high achievers (NIH, 2022). Perfectionists often struggle with all-or-nothing thinking; if they cannot do something flawlessly, they would rather not do it at all. But growth comes from imperfection, learning, and persistence.
How to stop it
Adopt a "good enough" mindset: Done is better than perfect. Progress, no matter how small, is still progress.
Reframe mistakes as learning opportunities: Instead of seeing failure as proof of inadequacy, view it as valuable feedback for growth.
Set realistic standards: Ask yourself, Is this level of perfection necessary, or am I just afraid of judgment?
Letting go of perfectionism allows you to take risks, learn, and enjoy the journey.
4. Stop surrounding yourself with toxic people: Protect your energy
The people around you shape your mindset and influence your success. According to the American Counseling Association (ACA), unhealthy relationships can increase stress, depression, and self-doubt, reinforcing self-sabotaging behaviors (ACA, 2023).
Toxic relationships can take many forms, such as friends who put you down, family members who do not respect your boundaries, or colleagues who drain your energy. These relationships keep you stuck in a cycle of self-doubt and emotional exhaustion.
How to stop it
Identify toxic patterns: Pay attention to how people make you feel. Do they inspire and support you, or do they leave you feeling drained and discouraged?
Set boundaries: You do not have to eliminate everyone, but you can limit interactions with those who bring negativity into your life.
Surround yourself with growth-oriented people: Find mentors, friends, and colleagues who uplift and encourage you.
When you prioritize positive relationships, you create an environment that supports your success.
5. Stop ignoring your mental well-being: Your brain matters
Many forms of self-sabotage, negative self-talk, procrastination, perfectionism, and toxic relationships stem from unresolved mental and emotional struggles. If you ignore stress, anxiety, trauma, or limiting beliefs, they will continue to manifest in self-defeating ways.
Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) therapy has been proven effective in reducing self-sabotaging behaviors, especially in those with past trauma (EMDRIA, 2023). Additionally, neurofeedback has been shown to improve emotional regulation, cognitive function, and mental clarity (NIH, 2022).
How to stop it
Prioritize self-care: Get enough sleep, exercise, and engage in activities that bring you joy.
Seek professional support: Therapy, coaching, or neurofeedback can help rewire self-sabotaging patterns at the subconscious level.
Try EMDR and neurofeedback: These evidence-based techniques help process past trauma, reduce anxiety, and enhance cognitive function.
Investing in your mental well-being creates a foundation for long-term success and fulfillment.
Break free and thrive
Self-sabotage does not define you; it is simply a habit that can be changed. By stopping these five destructive behaviors, you reclaim control over your life and open the door to growth, confidence, and success.
Start today. Choose one area to focus on and take a small, intentional step forward. Your future self will thank you.
Ready to break free from self-sabotage?
Breaking free from self-sabotage can be overwhelming, and seeking support can jumpstart your journey toward a better life. It is time to take the next step by incorporating these strategies into your daily routine. No matter what phase of life you are in, you can break free from the negative cycle of self-sabotage.
Are you ready to eliminate self-sabotage? Reach out today! Book a free 15-minute consultation to discuss your goals.
Visit Authentic Brain Solutions to explore cutting-edge tools like neurofeedback and EMDR therapy to help rewire your brain for success.
Eileen Borski’s interview with Brainz Magazine, check it out!
Read more from Eileen Borski
Eileen Borski, Therapist
Eileen Borski is a highly specialized mental health provider focused on modern, evidence-based interventions to improve brain function. Neuro-counseling techniques focus on resetting overstimulated areas of the brain and promoting metabolic clearance in the brain. She is the owner and founder of Authentic Brain Solutions, providing licensed professional mental health care in person in Montgomery, Texas and virtually in Texas, Florida, South Carolina and New Hampshire.
References:
National Institute of Health (NIH). (2021). Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Self-Sabotage Patterns.
National Institute of Health (NIH). (2023). Understanding effort regulation: Comparing 'Pomodoro' breaks and self-regulated breaks
National Institute of Health (NIH). (2022). The Psychological Effects of Perfectionism and Procrastination.
American Counseling Association (ACA). (2023). Understanding Toxic Relationships and Their Impact on Mental Health.
EMDR International Association (EMDRIA). (2023). The Efficacy of EMDR Therapy in Reducing Self-Sabotaging Behaviors.
