Written by: Dr. Belynder Walia, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
There is a psychological phenomenon popularly known as "Baby Elephant Syndrome". It's not a disease or an ailment. Instead, it's a paradigm of mental conditioning that controls our habitual thinking.
What is "The Baby Elephant Syndrome"?
The Baby Elephant Syndrome was first described by psychotherapist George Weinberg in 1967 and later popularised by a psychologist, Albert Ellis, in his book, Feeling Better, Getting Better, Staying Better.
The syndrome occurs when we hold onto bad feelings and emotions for so long that they become part of our identity. We start to identify with them so much that we think they're who we are instead of just something we sometimes feel.
So, now I suppose you're wondering what an elephant has to do with this? When a baby elephant is held in captivativity the elephant trainer ties a rope or chain to its ankle and secures it to a tree. At first, the baby elephant tries to break free, but the tree is more prominent and the baby elephant fails every time. Eventually, the baby elephant grows up and stops struggling. A paradigm is formed in the baby elephant's subconscious mind. It is conditioned to believe that it will never be strong enough to break free, and when the baby elephant grows up and is strong enough to break free, it won't try because it is still trapped inside a mental cage.
Well, humans like elephants, often never forget! This means if you're upset about something — an insult, a breakup, an argument — then you have an elephant on your back that you need to deal with immediately or else it will continue to grow bigger until it becomes unbearable for you and everyone else around you. It is learned helplessness and doesn't just happen to someone.
So, to help let go, you've got first to understand the signs of the baby elephant syndrome:
1. You Are Constantly Fixated on the Negative Aspects of Your Life
If you wake up every day and immediately think about everything going wrong, you may be dealing with baby elephant syndrome. This is a condition in which people constantly focus on the negative aspects of their lives and cannot see anything positive around them. These people feel they have no control over their own lives, leading to depression and anxiety. The best way to deal with these thinking patterns is to practice mindfulness techniques where you are present. Then focus on the things that you are grateful for. Having a gratitude journal is a great place to start.
2. You Don't Believe Anything Good Can Happen in Your Life
If you don't believe anything good can happen in your life, you are likely dealing with baby elephant syndrome. People who suffer from this condition do not think anything good can happen to them or anyone else around them, and they believe that things that have gone wrong in the past will always go wrong. This belief can cause them to experience low moods and overthink the future. Living a life in fear of what could possibly go wrong can be a way of causing it to be so. Let me explain further. Our thoughts become our reality. For example, say there is a job interview you wish to go for, and once you are there, you fear you may not get the job, you feel anxious, and you may spiral in fear. This could lead to you manifesting your performance to go wrong. The best way to deal with such thoughts is to change the dialogue in your mind. Convince your brain to believe, 'what if everything goes right?' The more you practice switching words, the better your performance will be the next time you have an interview. And things can only improve if you allow your words to change for the better.
3. You Blame Others for Your Problems Instead of Taking Responsibility for Yourself
This is a classic sign of Baby Elephant Syndrome. In this state, you tend to blame other people and circumstances for what is going wrong in your life. For example, you might think that it's your boss's fault that you're having trouble getting along with someone at work or that it's the economy's fault that you lost your job. The most significant problem with this mindset is that it prevents you from taking responsibility for what's happening to you and puts all the blame on others. The onus of fault is a huge step in the right direction. You can stamp away those negative thinking patterns by becoming more self-aware. Some people can go to an extreme, think they're not good enough, and try to protect themselves by projecting blame. However, if you are true to yourself, honest and authentic, you will accept that perhaps there is something that you may have said or done to get the adverse reaction you'd received. So self-reflection is a good practice to help you learn more about yourself to accept aspects of yourself that are the good, the bad and the ugly.
4. You Have a Hard Time Letting Go of Past Mistakes or Failures
When people are stuck in Baby Elephant Syndrome, they often have difficulty letting go of their mistakes or failures from the past. They may still hold onto old grudges against people who hurt them or angered them over things they didn't get done in the past. This kind of thinking can prevent them from moving forward into better times because they keep repeating these same mistakes without learning anything new about themselves or the world around them. So, again, reflect on why you had to endure the pain. Learn from it by accepting that it has happened, allow yourself to grieve the pain, and heal from it by being kinder to yourself.
5. You Feel Hopeless About Making Changes in Your Life
If you're feeling hopeless about making changes in your life, it might be because you feel like you're stuck in a rut. Even if the track is comfortable and familiar, it can still make you feel trapped. When you're depressed, you may have trouble seeing beyond your current circumstances. You may have no idea how things could get better or what steps to take to make them better. You may have given up on yourself, making it hard to take any positive steps towards change. This is where it would be advisable to seek support, whether, from a friend, a loved one or a professional. Talk about what it is that makes you feel stuck in this challenging rut. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and Dialectical Behavioural Therapy are also good places to start as they help you understand your complicated feelings. This method is something that I, too, have introduced to my practice, so please feel free to connect to learn more.
Dr. Belynder Walia, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Belynder Walia is a leading Psychotherapist, who helps people who need a swift, effective solution to a current problem that negatively impacts their lives. She's worked with a wide variety of people, from stay-at-home carers to experts and celebrities in the public eye. Having suffered from Perinatal Anxiety, she focuses on enabling others to learn, heal and grow from pain. Belynder is the founder of Serene Lifestyles, an online and on-set psychotherapy practice at www.serenelifestyles.com. Her ground-breaking methods include a combination of Psychotherapy and Neuroplasticity to help align the THREE Brains (the head, heart, and gut). She's in many publications, including Forbes, Cosmopolitan, Harpers Bazaar, The Moment, Planet Mindful, and Thrive Global. She’s featured on the front cover of Passion Vista as one of the women to look up to 2022. Belynder is also writing her first non-fiction book, to help people radically change their minds to change their lives.
