Written by: Mei Flynn, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Confidence is a common topic and something we might feel we have in some areas of our lives e.g. our job but lack it in our personal lives e.g. relationships. Most people go through periods of feeling confident and occasionally suffering from bouts of low self-confidence. Often, we do not look beneath the confidence and question what is really going on and just accept it as a normal part of life. If it happens occasionally for short periods of time it is not a problem but if it continues it might lead us to feeling blocked and it can stop us from achieving our goals.
Where do we start?
The first thing we have to do is to look at what areas in our lives we would like to feel more confident in. We do not need to focus on all areas at once but start with the most important area for you. When we do this, it helps us gain clarity on areas where we would like to gradually build our confidence.
It can be overwhelming to know where to begin and here are some questions to help you get started.
What areas of my life do I lack confidence? (List as many as possible)
What are the specific aspects of those areas where I lack confidence?
How does it feel when I do not feel confident?
What would it look and feel like if I felt confident?
What would help me feel more confident?
Am I ready to take action?
Step 1: Be aware of your mindset
We are aware of our conscious everyday thoughts but we have also stored a lot of limiting beliefs in our unconscious mind from a very young age. This can stem back to childhood and we are often unaware that they are still playing out in our lives. When we are more aware of our everyday thoughts, especially the limiting ones, e.g. ‘I cannot do it’ or ‘I will never be good enough’ it can help us to understand where the low self-confidence stems from. I invite you to be aware of your inner voice when you are not feeling confident and make a note of the messages you hear.
Step 2: Overcoming self-doubt
This is where we want to take action and make positive changes in our lives, but something is holding us back. It feels like we are taking one step forward and two steps back and end up feeling confused and doing nothing. It is common for self-doubt to creep in especially when we are stepping into something new such as a relationship or job. The key is to take the first little step and allow the feeling of doubt rather than allowing it to hold us back. I also love listening to podcasts and resonate a lot with Gabby Bernstein and click here to listen to her talking about self-confidence.
Step 3: Feel the fear
Fear can hold us back as we often feel scared of change and afraid to take action incase we fail. What often happens is that we take a leap that is too big the fear paralyzes us and it stops us from taking any action, look at taking a smaller step first. One of my favourite books is by Susan Jeffers called ‘Feel the Fear and do it anyway’ where she talks about the only way to overcome fear is to take action. In my experience it is also powerful to shift the perspective of fear being the enemy and allow it to be our mentor and guide to help give us a nudge to step outside our comfort zone.
Step 4: Listen to your inner critic
We all have that inner critic whether we try to push it away or not as we feel it should not be there. It is always questioning what we are doing, reminding us of past events and gets louder trying to get our attention. The key to starting to be more accepting of your inner critic by gently allowing it as it is only trying to protect us and believe it or not it is actually more scared than we are. When we embrace our inner critic it doesn’t attack in such a vicious way and can help us to gently feel more confident in taking steps to achieve our goals.
Step 5: Get ready for action
We do not need to work on all areas at once and choose an area that is the most important one for you now. The key is being willing to take a baby step to move outside of your comfort zone. Once we take the first step, next step and so on we start to cultivate confidence in anything we do. This is a process of staying as present as we can and embracing all that we are feeling in any given moment. Once you work on the most important area for you it can have a ripple effect on other areas in our lives too.
I would love to hear your stories of overcoming confidence and steps you have taken or ready to take
Mei Flynn, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Mei Flynn is a Holistic Confidence Coach who inspires and empowers women 40+ to tap into their inner confidence to live the life they really want. She's suffered from low self-esteem most of her life and using a range of different psycho-spiritual techniques she has transformed her life and is now passionate about helping clients to do the same. The key is to help others to let go of limiting beliefs and blocks that's stopping them from living a happy and fulfilled life. Her mission is to help women thrive and not just survive.
