Written by: Sarika Kishore, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Have you labeled yourself stubborn, impatient, procrastinator, etc., and can’t find a way to improve?
How many times do you inwardly swear at yourself because you feel you are not good enough?
Do you find that you can’t start anything new until you have spent a long time perfectly dotting all the i's and crossing all the t's?
These are all signs of your inner critic at work. Maybe your mom or teacher criticized you at some point in your life, and now you have assumed the label and are punishing yourself.
Knowing your weakness is a great tool because you enable yourself to work around your shortcomings or overcome or strengthen your weak points. But giving a free hand to your inner critic can only create barriers and hurdles to living a happy and successful life.
The following tips have worked well for my clients and me, and I hope they do the same for you.
1. Observe your thoughts.
Observing and awareness of your thoughts are the first steps to modifying them. Please write down your criticisms and notice when they are triggered. After a week of making notes of your observations, you will notice a pattern. You will see that these patterns are activated whenever you perform a particular action or have to make a decision and fear failure at doing it well. For example-, whenever you need to speak up at a meeting, you are afraid you don’t have the right words to express clearly. Or, on a busy day, you neglect your household chores and are ridden with guilt because you were lazy. You beat yourself up for the same things over and over again.
2. Remember why/who criticized you.
Recall an incident from your past where you were a failure (or whatever name you call yourself) because you made a mistake. Being repeatedly blamed for making a mistake, you internalize it and give yourself the same name. Or conversely, you were picked on and humiliated for not following the rules at home or outside. Figures of authority or even teammates can reject you for not following the expected path, whether cleaning your room or following a routine or obeying the dictates of your culture.
It could have started anywhere and at any time in your life, and it is essential to know what triggered your name-calling.
3. Understanding your internalized belief.
Now that you are aware of your triggers and the actual incident that causes you to be your critic check in to find the belief you internalized. Did you start believing that you were a fool because you made a mistake? Or did you think you were lazy or angry, or not good enough? Allow your beliefs to surface in your conscious mind.
Question it! Is it true that what you believed as a result of the past incident is accurate NOW? Are you the same person you were at the time of the incident? I am sure that the answer will be no if you are honest because you have grown since the incident. You have learned that mistakes or misses can happen, but they don’t define you. You have learned that routines are not necessarily the same for everyone or that cultural definitions are not valid. You have learned to adapt and find your way in your life.
4. Fact-checking when critical thoughts appear.
As you identify the belief you have internalized, maintain awareness of it, triggering your self-criticism. Stop your thoughts by doing a fact check:
Am I right now because I believe I am always , or am I just fearful that I won’t be successful? Is it true that I am right now or know what I can or cannot accomplish?
Your answer is — I am a grown-up, yet I am allowing my humiliation from the past to dominate me. So there! I am better today, and I will be even better tomorrow.
Fact-checking allows you to stop the unconscious habit of reliving the memory or feeling and will let you know what you are required to do in the present moment. It gives you more confidence and freedom to make new mistakes and learn from them rather than getting stuck in the unpleasant feelings from the memory of failures.
5. Keep practicing till it is automatic.
Practicing awareness and rewording your thoughts is the most crucial part of dealing with your harshest critic. You have control over your thoughts, and you are free to enjoy the lessons you learn from your mistakes and live an adventurous life! Every time you slip, go back to the first step and start again, and you WIN.
Good luck on your next adventure!
Sarika Kishore, Brainz Magazine Executive Contributor
Sarika Kishore is a Life Coach who is passionate about helping women rediscover the magic of life. She had battled with depression and anxiety for several years and learned that happiness is an attitude, not an event. A shift in attitude allowed her to reinvent and adjust to any challenge that life threw at her and empowered her to live life on her terms. Now, she shares her strategies and techniques in her signature program "Be The Magician" and helps other women identify, modify and defy their barriers to life and take control of it. Her goal is to help women become more impactful and joyful and create a ripple effect in our society, spreading happiness and hope to others.
