Deonesea is a relationship and intimacy coach who guides women to embody their own personal pleasure and to create deeper connections. She helps driven, high-powered women bring themselves out of the burn-out of masculine overdrive into the relaxed lusciousness of feminine receptivity. Her clients share, “Deonesea is an invaluable guide to processing my relationships with others,” and “she pointed me towards living a nuanced, nourishing sexuality that is about so much more than sex.”
Does the idea of “becoming more feminine” sound like another thing you’d need to add to your to-do list? Do you ever feel like the suggestion to be more feminine is just another way that society or culture is telling you that you should somehow be different than you are? Or maybe you simply can’t be bothered with the thought of bubble baths or finding a new dress to wear? If so, you're not alone. Women at large are constantly bombarded with pressures and stressors that keep us disconnected from our deeper selves in a way that makes the idea of being more feminine seem like an unattainable, unnecessary...even undesirable...goal. But the thing women are often missing is the realization that being more feminine benefits you more than anyone else! In this article, you will find 5 simple and practical tips to help you become more feminine and feel the benefits of that in your day-to-day life.
What does it mean to be feminine?
Strappy heels and our favorite lipstick aside, being feminine is much more about an internal state of being than it is about how we appear. According to Megan Dalla-Camina, the founder and CEO of Women Rising and author at Psychology Today, “Feminine traits include empathy, expressiveness, honesty, love, kindness, and nurturing.” Many of these qualities come naturally to us as women, while others we need to foster. And which is which, is very individual based on the experiences of your past and on where you are in your life right now. Being overworked, highly stressed, or underappreciated all have an impact on how much you feel connected to that internal feminine state.
What prevents women from being feminine?
The constant demands of hustle culture, living in chronic overdrive, and not taking the time to stop and listen to our bodies and tune into our internal states, prevent us as women from feeling connected to our femininity. Furthermore, showing up in the masculine traits of action, ambition, competition, and drive is the best way to be rewarded in society at large. We learn this very early in our lives, then we embrace those qualities, get very good at them, and pursue all of what we want through an overemphasis on them, such that we sacrifice our femininity on the altar of societal and material gain, losing an essential part of ourselves along the way.
Signs you are disconnected from your femininity
There are very clear indicators when a woman is not living from the deeper well of her feminine nature. These include:
1. Exhaustion
Constantly being on the go and not taking time to recharge and recuperate is a state of function run by the mind. When a woman lets the mind rule, over allowing her body to rule, she will push herself to exhaustion again and again. This drive to keep going to attain a goal that is driven by the mind (a masculine quality), rather than listening to the body’s needs for food, care, and rest will lead to burnout over time.
2. Anxiety and depression
Women who are genuinely feminine in essence but are functioning in the world as if they are masculine, will descend over time into anxiety and depression. This does not mean that women cannot enjoy or excel at embracing their masculine qualities, it just means that they do not do well by living in that energy all of the time. Women need their feminine energy, their feminine qualities, to feel balanced and well in their emotional bodies.
3. Inability to experience pleasure
Not only sexually but that, too. The female body is built for pleasure. Women have pleasure centers all throughout our bodies and our brains, and we can easily keep these stimulated as we go about our daily lives. Or, we can ignore them and override them to the point that we don’t experience pleasure at all. This may be most obvious in our sexual experiences, but this is also true in whether we enjoy many aspects of life.
4. Irritability
This is a key indicator that a woman is not in touch with her feminine qualities. Akin to moodiness, irritability points to us not being in right relationship with our bodies. Something is off, it just doesn’t feel quite right, and we’re too wound up to be able to shake it off.
5. Dissatisfaction in relationships
Whether in new or long-term relationships, feeling unsatisfied is a symptom of not being in your femininity. There is, of course, always the person on the other side of the relationship and what the dynamics are between the two, but if a woman is disconnected from her feminine self she will not be able to connect in relationships in a way that is fulfilling for her.
Related article: Why Hustle Culture is Destroying Feminine Energy and Blocking You From Manifesting Your Desires
5 simple tips on how to become more feminine
1. Embrace sensuality
Sensuality may bring to mind letting your hair loose in the breeze or dancing around in flowy skirts (and I actually do recommend those things!), but even more simply our sensuality is about intentionally focusing on our senses. Our senses are the gateway to pleasure and they are available to us at all times. There are so many simple ways that we can thread sensual pleasures throughout our days: take time to enjoy the smell of your coffee as you gaze out the window at the freshness of the morning, keep a supply of your favorite berries and a square of dark chocolate on hand to pause and savor their flavor in the middle of your day, turn on your favorite sensuous music as you head into the shower at the end of the day anticipating how glorious it will feel to lather up with your favorite soap or body wash. Make sensual activities like these a part of your day-to-day and notice how quickly you will start feeling more feminine.
2. Engage in play
Playfulness is one of the most lovely qualities of a feminine woman. When a woman has a playful spirit she radiates youthfulness in a way that draws others to her, regardless of her age. That youthful radiance is an essential component of feminine nature. There are many benefits to adding more play into our lives: play reduces stress, increases creativity, and enhances our relationships. Based on this quote from Plato, “You can discover more about a person in an hour of play than in a year of conversation,” I often guide and encourage play when I’m coaching couples on deepening their intimacy or coaching women on enhancing their femininity. You don’t have to go rummaging around in the back of your closet for the last fairytale princess dress you could fit into to be able to incorporate some play into your world (although you could do that if you really wanted to!). Keep it simple. Play with your pet, like, for real play with them, not just mindlessly throwing the ball or waving the feather wand, but actually engaging with them. Make silly faces at your kids across the dinner table. Have your friends over for a night of charades. Get creative.
3. Cultivate joy
Closely related to tip number two, uplevel your joy factor. One of the best ways to bring more joy into your life is to take some uninterrupted time to sit quietly and reminisce.
Think back through your life to the times that you’ve felt most joyful, most alive, and take note of the circumstances or activities or people that were a part of that for you, and then replicate that in your life now. Think of your childhood memories in which you felt the most free and joyful, what did you love immersing yourself in for hours when you were a girl? Bring more of that into your adult world. In a world where TV wants to show us the pain and suffering all around, and there are so many who would have us live in fear, living in our joy is an act of rebellion...be a rebel!
4. Allow vulnerability
One of our major superpowers as women is our vulnerability. Although most of us have been taught that being vulnerable equals being weak, nothing could be further from the truth. It takes tremendous strength and courage to be vulnerable with another person, to be honest and real about what’s truly going on inside ourselves. By and large, we walk around with masks on, putting personas of “I’ve got it all together,” “everything is just fine,” and “I’m on top of it all,” over the truths underneath, truths like: I’m hurting, I really could use some help, I don’t know how to keep going like this anymore. When we reveal vulnerable truths to another, we become more raw, more real, and more honest. As women, we are uniquely equipped to do this as we have so much access to our feelings, and opening up our feelings opens up the world.
5. Practice receptivity
Being willing to receive - help, love, praise, compliments - can be a real challenge for a woman who is not accustomed to living in her feminine nature. Women who live in their masculine traits are accustomed to being able to do it all by themselves or, at least, to convincing everyone around them that they can. And there’s no doubt about it, women have a tremendous ability to carry all the weight and achieve great accomplishments. But hyper-independence is a trauma response. We are not meant to do it all on our own. At a biological level, women are hard-wired to be interdependent. We function best when we allow others to carry the weight with us. Make it your practice to allow someone to open a door for you, to help you carry your groceries, to simply say ‘thank you’ when someone offers you a compliment...daily.
Make it your practice
If you practiced any one of these five tips regularly, you would begin to shift into a more feminine feeling place inside of yourself. Practice all five of them, and you’ll feel a powerful shift into the dynamic feminine state that is your true nature. And you’ll begin to experience success in a whole new way.
Related article: Why Your ‘Feminine’ Traits Might Be Your Ticket to Success
Start feeling more feminine today
Getting in touch with your feminine side may feel overwhelming, but you don't have to try to do it alone. Take the first step towards becoming more feminine by practicing these 5 tips in your day-to-day life. And you can deepen your journey into your femininity with one of my online courses. If you're feeling like you might need more personalized support, you can book a complimentary Discovery Session to discuss whether coaching with me would be a good fit for you. Women empowering women to be in our feminine fullness is the wave of the future.
Visit my website for more info!
Read more from Deonesea La Fey
Deonesea La Fey, Relationship Coach and Spiritual Teacher
Known as an insightful mentor, a potent ceremonialist, and an inspirational speaker Deonesea is a recognized expert in teaching women how to improve the quality of their intimate relationships, and to enhance their sense of pleasure in their day to day lives. As a result of 20 years of teaching women how to restore their natural femininity, Deonesea has developed a unique approach that combines practical principles, feminine wisdom teachings, and empowering techniques to guide her clients through a transformational journey of restoration and reconnection, to themselves and to their intimate others.
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