Written by: Melanie Josephine, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Once you have attracted the relationship of your dreams, don’t be fooled by the idea that the journey ends there and you live happily ever after. Challenges are normal and to be expected! If you think there is something wrong with your partnership because you come across challenges, think again. Too many couples break things off too soon, because we live in a society with high expectations and a low willingness to work things out.
In preparation of this article, I asked my friends who are in strong long-lasting relationships what their secret is. I am excited to share what they responded to. The first four points are what others shared and the last point is mine. 1. Giving your partner the benefit of the doubt Now before you do that, just a little disclaimer: only give your partner the benefit of the doubt if you truly think they deserve that. If you know that your partner is a good person at heart, someone who would not knowingly hurt you, that’s when you do this. Giving the benefit of the doubt in a loving relationship can be crucial in situations where you initially don’t understand why your partner behaved a certain way or why something was said that you may feel hurt by. This can occur when partners don’t have the same cultural background, however it can also come up for people with the same background. Because regardless of culture, we all look back on differences in our upbringing. During the first seven years of our lives, we were all influenced with diverse values. Giving the benefit of the doubt in a situation of uncertainty is important because it prevents you from getting angry and it shows your partner that you trust them. This in turn will make your love grow stronger. If you do not understand your partner's actions or words: ask. Communication is crucial as I will elaborate next. 2. Communication When I asked for the secrets to long-lasting love, the number one answer was: communication. Some people have this dream of being read by their partner without words and you may be able to reach that with your partner to a degree, but I would not advise you to expect it or to depend on it. Your partner cannot read your mind and also shouldn’t have to. Open communication with your partner is so important and I will elaborate why so. When you keep things to yourself regarding your relationship, you begin to build a wall between you and your partner, one stone at a time. Every time you keep something to yourself you put a stone down between you and the more often you do it, they higher the wall builds until in the end you can’t even see your partner anymore. At that point, I hear many people say: “It simply did not work out.” But what exactly did not work out? Not working things out is the easiest way out of a relationship. It is also most likely that something will occur with the exact same issues in the next relationship, because they weren’t dealt with the first time around. When it comes to sensitive topics, topics that could potentially hurt your partner, I would advise you to talk about these when you both are in a calm state of mind. If you bring sadness or anger to the table, it is likely you will leave the table with the same emotion you arrived with. I understand that bringing better energy isn’t without effort, however you must remind yourself that this is the person that you love and that making that effort is very much worth it! When you speak, make sure to let each other finish their sentences. It is vital to listen and not interrupt when your loved one talks. This is the only way you can fully understand where they are coming from and this is also a beautiful way to show them your respect. Keep in mind that the way they express themselves may not be your way. However, also keep in mind to give them the benefit of the doubt (first point of this article). Be aware that your brain might be racing to its own interpretation, but make sure you keep the energy of love in your heart and ask questions if what your partner says is unclear. If you realise at one point or another that something you did or said, is something you would like to apologise for, go for it. Also, feel free to kindly ask your partner for an apology if you feel it’s appropriate. Simply keep in mind that it will always be their decision whether they apologise or not. You cannot and should not force anyone to do so. That being said, I have noticed that some people struggle more than others to apologise, but the more you both practice being open with each other, the more it becomes natural and easy. 3. Having things in common This might sound like a no brainer, however I want to ask you: do people really have to have things in common to be together? To a degree you will have similarities with anyone, because at the core we are all seeking similar traits. You can have a loving relationship with a partner you don’t have very much in common with, if you deeply love and care for each other and not make the dissimilarities a focus point. In other words, if you focus on your love and the things you do have in common, the things you don’t have in common become small and irrelevant. Let’s look at an example: one partner is very fit and active while the other is simply not. This can be a lifestyle clash for sure but it is not a reason for a relationship to fail, unless one or both partners aren’t happy with the situation. This is why I urge my clients to think carefully about what kind of person they want to attract before they do so. You and only you decide who you want to spend your time with, let alone the rest of your life. You decide whether certain similarities are important or not important. Ultimately it is not valid to say that the more a couple has in common, the longer their relationship will last, but what is more valid is what couples focus on. When you are in a relationship with someone who isn’t like you this is a beautiful opportunity for growth. Loving them for who they are, rather than who you would like them to be. 4. Humour Humour plays a positive role in so many relationships. As mentioned before, you will come across challenges at one point or another and if through those difficult times, you can find things to laugh about, this will be majorly beneficial. The reason this is such an advantage is that humour and laughter both bring the energy up. Hardship will bring the energy down and it will be hard to focus on the good when worry takes over. Yet when you laugh about a few things each day, that energy will be lifted which in turn will give you more clarity and mind space to make more beneficial decisions for your relationship/life situation. 5. Commitment and Willingness to work things out Last but not least, this point comes from me. In the many years that I have now studied relationships and also from my own experience I know: a relationship will only last if there are two people who have a keen interest to make it last. If one person is out at the first argument, that is not a strong foundation for a partnership. Rather than hoping that everything will be rosy for the rest of your lives I would recommend: expect challenges and have a plan how you want to deal with them. Don’t be too proud to seek help if needed. Seeking help is smart, not weak. Set your ego aside and do what your inner guide asks you to do. Being committed to a solution is so beneficial. Of course, you can still have things that you would not accept, but if at the core you are committed to a solution rather than chaos, that is what matters.
Thank you so much for joining me today. I hope these 5 points were helpful to you and if you would like to dive deeper into relationship topics please check out my podcast: “Change Your Love Life Forever” everywhere where you can listen to the podcast.
Much love,
Melanie
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Melanie Josephine, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Melanie Josephine is a leading expert in the field of dating and relationships. In her coaching practice, she actively helps women to bring clarity and light into a topic that may have been dark for years. After going through challenges in her own love life, she decided to research and figure out where she was going wrong. Her self help book “Love Life Simplified” won a New Apple Award in the category “Young Adult Inspirational” and she continues to write for Brainz Magazine as well as on medium.com. In her podcast “Change Your Love Life Forever” she regularly shares experiences and learnings on a vulnerable level. Before she settled down in the UK, she travelled the world as an international nanny and shared her learnings in her popular book “Rock Your Au Pair Year”. Melanie is a highly organised Nanny/ Carer PA with many years of experience in private households alongside her coaching and author activities. Her mission: to bring hope into peoples love life because there is someone for everyone!
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