Written by: Keith Blakemore-Noble, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
We all have fears.
That's entirely natural and part of this wonderful thing called life.
We are not born with them, of course . Each fear we have is a fear we have learned - and the stronger the fear, the better a job we have done of learning it. All of which is a topic for another day.
For today, let us explore why, despite so many of us feeling that we want to get rid of our fears, most will actually cling on to those fears and actually fight rather hard to keep them!
So let's take a look at 5 top reasons why you will keep your fears.
1. They are a great excuse.
Sounds harsh, but for many people, their fear can be a very good excuse for all manner of thing.
Especially it can be a great excuse for failure!
I’ve known of many people who use their fear or their phobia as a justification for pretty much anything that goes wrong, and as a cast-iron excuse for not succeeding in something.
Of course the reality is that the fear is very very rarely the actual cause of the problem. Usually they fail for other reasons – not working hard enough at it, giving up oo early, not focusing on the problem, not working through it methodically, not knowing what to do, not willing to do whatever it takes, the list goes on.
However, instead of recognising those and taking responsibility and doing something, many find it far easier to blame it on their fear.
After all, it’s not their fault, it’s the fear’s fault, so they can hardly be to blame when it all goes wrong…
So if they were to address their fear, to conquer it once and for all – well, there goes their excuse!
2. It's Comfortable.
As absurd as it may sound, for some people their fear is a very comfortable thing.
Sure, it stops them from doing many things, but hey, some of those things are quite scary, you know?
Whereas living with the fear, or with the phobia, does provide some comfort. You know how you are going to react in any given situation, you know what will happen, you know what to expect.
It’s comfortable. The very definition of living within the Comfort Zone.
Alas, much of the Good Stuff (including very often the way to get our dreams) lies outside of the Comfort Zone, and as much of a comfort blanket as our fear may be, it is still ultimately, holding us back.
But hey, at least it’s comfortable there!
3. "It's part of who I am"
A VERY common comment people with fears or phobias make is “It’s just part of who I am”.
In this cade, people have chosen to actually embrace their fears as par of their personality, and as a core part of who they are.
Which is a massive shame, because the reality is that none of us are born with fears. None of us a born scared of anything. We are born completely fearless (as countless parents of young babies will attest from their own nerve-wracking experiences with their fearless offspring!)
All fears are things we learn to do – either through direct experience or by observing others or through being taught (check out this blog post and this podcast for a more detailed look a this).
Which means that no matter what the fear is, it is categorically not a part of who we are! IT is simply something we learned to do along the way.
And of course, if we learned how to do the fear, we can also learn how NOT to do the fear…
4. You are scared of life without them.
Life can be scary at times.
For anyone.
And one of the biggest sources of scariness can be the worry of the unknown. When you know what it going to happen, when you know how to react, it is less cary; on the other hand, if you are not sure what is going to happen, then you can’ plan how to react, and that makes it scary.
So for people who have fears which hold them back from doing new things, the fear itself can be reassuring.
How?
While you have the fear, it stops you from trying new things. So you remain where you are, which means you know how to act.
On the other hand, if you get rid of your fear, and have no excuse but to Do The Thing, then you end up in a new situation, uncharted territory, complete with a new set of challenges – you enter the (partially) unknown.
And for many people, the thought of that can be even scarier, so they cling on to their current fear as an excuse not to do something new!
5. You just don't think it's possible to change.
Many people I’ve spoken to about their fear or phobia have expressed the belief that i is impossible for them to change, to get rid of it.
The reality is that we are constantly changing – we are not the same today as we were yesterday. Indeed, take a look back at you from 10 years ago, see just how much has changed in your views, your beliefs, your situation, your attitudes, your knowledge…
We are constantly changing – sometimes in big way, more usually in small subtle ways. But changing we are.
As we noted at the start of this article, you were not born with your fear, you learned it – in other words, you changed from being fearless to being scared.
So of course, with the right guidance and direction, you can absolutely change and conquer your fear! I mean, I've helped literally thousands of people around the planet to conquer their fears and master their mindset over the past 11 years, and each one was in a similar position to you. Until they accepted that it is possible to change - and provided you are prepared to let go of your fear, you too can change and experience the wondrous new possibilities which open up as a result.
But only if you are prepared to let go of your fear, of course.
Which is your reason?
Now we've taken a look at 5 top reasons why people keep ahold of their fears, which is the one which rings most true for you?
And ask yourself - what does your life look like if you choose to do whatever it takes to let go of those fears today?
The bad news is that until you are ready to let those fears go, you will keep them and you won't achieve those things you truly want.
The good news is that when you are ready to let them go, change can happen very quickly, as countless of my clients have proved to themselves over the years.
Keith Blakemore-Noble, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Keith is an award-winning coach, international speaker, and best-selling author who helps people transform their deepest fears into their greatest strengths.
Growing up, he loved the idea of being a performer, entertaining people, and wanted nothing more than to be an actor, magician, or hypnotist. Unfortunately, he was also painfully shy, finding it almost impossible to speak with strangers - this ruled out his ambitions and made it very hard to make friends or even connect with colleagues. So instead, he pursued a very successful 20+ year career in IT until he studied hypnosis and NLP to help him to conquer his own fears, which opened up the way for him to be all the things he dreamed of being. Since 2010 he has used these same skills and experiences to help over 5,000 people around the planet to conquer their own fears, quickly and permanently, earning him the title of UK’s 1 Fear Strategist. He has published several books, appeared on countless podcasts, written for many publications, and spoken on stages in Bali, Malaysia, Nepal, Singapore, Tibet, United Kingdom, USA, and Vietnam, as well as speaking at numerous virtual events globally.
