Written by: Amanda Dounis, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
One day I came to realise that many kids were complaining about particular situations. Why did some situations bother some kids and not bother other kids? The problem was not necessarily the situation. The problem was often feeling. Could you imagine being able to change how you feel about a situation?
Scenario 1: When you hear unkind words
Unkind words may come from other people or come from your inner voice. The truth is, you cannot control other people. This means you cannot control their kindness or unkindness. The only thing you can control is how you respond to this unkindness. Ask kids about all the different responses they could give when faced with unkindness. It will open them up to new possibilities of seeing.
Scenario 2: When you wake up from a bad dream
We may or may not remember our dreams. Sometimes we have happy dreams, not-so-happy dreams, confusing dreams, and frustrating dreams, and the dramas of dreams go on and on. Some dreams can make us feel off or scared. Kids can become afraid of dreams just in case they dream the same scary dream again. Did you know you can create a technique to change how you feel? When you wake up from a dream and it was a bad dream, take some deep breaths to reset yourself. Then close your eyes, and tell yourself that you are going to change the ending. Take some more deep breaths, close your eyes and go to a particular point where you believe you can take over and change the ending. Change it any way you want. Make it funny, absurd, safe and satisfying. Notice how your feeling changes if you're still awake. You may find you fall asleep again, fast.
Scenario 3: When you have something important to attend
Exams, speeches, swimming carnivals and more. We will always have something coming up. This can create some nerves and interesting feelings, including fear. I hear a lot of language pointing to anxiety. I'm going to say that anxiety is like a big umbrella where all the spokes represent something.
Fear, worry, anger, dread etc. Stick to each spoke and explore it. Use language that offers a sense of responsibility and self-empowerment. Create tools for each spoke of that umbrella. Each tool should be something they can create and access at the moment they need it. Consider, for instance, a short internal affirmation and a sensory technique just before a speech. Having a tool to access can be very reassuring.
Scenario 4: When you daydream of something negative
We were born with the ability to think of things that are real and things that are not real. So creative is this ability. They are like little movies we make. When we are little kids we imagine wonderful things and then we learn to imagine scary things. Sound familiar? This then leads to us learning how to make mental movies of things going wrong. Our unconscious minds believe that we are in danger. We can even create tears or a headache. Luckily we can snap ourselves out of it. But we need to take charge and when we notice that we are catastrophizing, we need to pull ourselves out of this mental trance. Teach kids that it's a pattern and to interrupt it in their creative way. Some kids can karate chop their movie in half and focus on something different. Discuss creative ideas for changing the daydream. Never underestimate the power of your imagination.
Scenario 5: When your mind is racing
How big is our mind? Big enough to hold lots of worries and ideas in there. But when we want to think of everything at the same time, we can invitethe feeling of overwhelm. This is not the best practice.
Remember a busy mind doesn't mean you have a busy day. A busy day doesn't mean you should have a busy mind either. I guess we need to get good at separating when to attend to thoughts. Teach kids to be aware of their busy minds. Perhaps take out the worries and concerns and place them onto a schedule. A schedule helps determine when to attend to things. If kids learn they don't have to worry about an exam during dinner time, then they can place it in the appropriate compartment to attend to at a different time. It's the skill of compartmentalization. Kids can create different compartments for different things. Compartments can be anything from imaginary bags to pencil cases to toolboxes. All of these are in their minds. And they can order their busy minds, helping them be more present and aware.
I hope these 5 techniques have given you ideas and insight to help kids change how they feel through their capabilities.
Amanda Dounis, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Amanda Dounis, is a leader in kids, tweens and teens coping skills. A professional award-winning leader in the early childhood industry, Amanda has added wonderful tools to her therapy practice. Amanda says it's difficult for these kids working through these challenging years. So she enthusiastically joins their ride to show them to smooth over bumpy roads and keep moving forward. In the end, it's the challenges that give them the opportunity to practice their coping skills. She certainly promotes self-empowerment through courage and curiosity.
