Ryan is a Transformational Coach and Intuitive Guide with a background in Naturopathy, Psychotherapy, and Tarot. He combines diverse modalities and intuitive insights to help individuals navigate change, build meaningful lives, and create deeper connections.
You’ve probably asked yourself, “Why is it so easy for everyone else?” I know I have. Watching friends glide effortlessly into relationships while I wade through an endless sea of almosts and maybes can feel like a cosmic joke. But here’s the twist: despite what you’ve been told, the secret isn’t about finding “the one” or cracking some dating code. It’s about uncovering what’s really happening beneath the surface, what valuable insights singledom and dating are teaching you right now that you might be overlooking.
In this article, I’m exploring five key insights and lessons that could be hiding in plain sight. These perspective shifts will help you gain a deeper understanding of yourself and how you approach dating and relationships.
1. Why every connection matters in dating
It’s tough out there in the Serengeti. One moment, you’re trudging through drought and boredom; the next, you’re soaring on hope and elation, only to crash back into disappointment, wondering if it was all just an illusion.
I’ve been there, feeling that deep knowing settle in when someone just isn’t your person, no matter how much you try to rationalise it away. And yes, I’ve tried. I’ve questioned whether I’m too quick to judge, too picky, or just plain broken. But the truth always finds its way through the noise, and so the cycle repeats: excitement, realisation, disappointment.
If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone.
But here’s the shift: it’s not about them, it’s about you. The question isn’t, “Why not me? When is it my turn?” but rather, “What am I learning, and how am I growing?”
Every connection, no matter how brief, reflects your evolution. What are they revealing about you? Are they highlighting lessons you’ve yet to learn or ones you’ve already outgrown? Was that boring date a sign that you're not truly aligned with your choices? Are there golden opportunities to practise new ways of communicating, to step into self-assertion and authenticity, to work through your fears? Is a part of you awakening, calling for more depth, more honesty, more magic?
When you begin to see dating as a journey of self-exploration rather than just a search for “the one,” everything changes.
2. Growing through every match and goodbye
When I started approaching my dating life with curiosity, everything shifted. Dates that didn’t lead to something lasting no longer felt like failures, they became stepping stones. Over time, I noticed the people I attracted were increasingly aligned, grounded, and self-aware, a clear reflection of my own healing and growth. This isn’t just coincidence; it’s the Universal Law of Mirroring at work, where relationships reveal our unhealed wounds, beliefs, and strengths, offering a deeper understanding of ourselves.
Viewing relationships through this expansive lens transforms dating from a frustrating maze into an intricate dance of both inner and outer discovery. Suddenly, you’re not just someone hoping for love; you’re someone deepening in self-awareness with every spark, every disappointment, and every goodbye.
The universe isn’t withholding love from you; it’s preparing you to receive it in its most authentic and expansive form. Stay focused on the growth unfolding within you, and your capacity for love, in all its forms, will continue to expand in ways you never imagined.
3. When it hurts, be there for it
Let’s not dress it up, this journey can ache. That moment when you realise someone isn’t your long-term match, or when you’re hoping for more, only to discover they don’t feel the same?
It’s gut-wrenching. I’ve felt it too: the drop in my chest, the quiet deflation of hope as another door silently closes.
It’s human to want to make sense of it, to craft a story that blames you, them, or the whole gender, convincing yourself that something needs fixing. But what if it didn’t? What if, instead, this was an invitation to heal, a moment to turn inward and hold space for those tender, aching parts of you?
I’ve learned to lean into these raw moments, placing a hand over the hurting part and softly whispering, “I see you. I’ve got you. You’re going to be okay.” And each time, the pain softens, tears gently rise, and a sense of calm begins to anchor me.
There’s something profoundly grounding about embracing the innocence within us, the parts that simply want to experience the fullness of life and universal love. Cradled within the disappointment and sadness is a quiet, beautiful desire. If you sit with it long enough, you’ll feel it too.
4. It’s about the experience, not the end destination
Dating is messy, magical, and maddening. It’s an emotional rush without a map. But here’s the key: you can’t mess it up if you focus on the process, not just the outcome. Each interaction, whether it lasts days, weeks, or years, is an exchange of energy and a step towards deeper self-love.
Even if it doesn’t lead to a lasting connection, trust that every moment is bringing you closer to the fullness of who you are. People have a remarkable way of revealing parts of ourselves we often overlook. We’re so often blind to our own depths, it takes someone else, in an intimate enough space, to reflect our fullness back to us. These new perspectives can shift how we see and feel about ourselves, sometimes in ways we only notice later. Maybe it’s in the next connection when you find yourself saying, “Oh wow, that used to terrify me, but now I’m okay.”
This journey of dating and relating isn’t a waste of time. If you’re wondering what the quickest way is to attract your most compatible long-term lover, it’s shedding old layers and stepping into the most radiant, confident, and grounded version of yourself.
5. Your soul’s timing is always right
What if your soul isn’t ready to settle yet, even if part of you thinks it is? What if this isn’t a delay, a punishment, or a mistake, but divine timing at work? I’ve come to believe the universe is remarkably efficient, sending us exactly what we need at exactly the right time. The right person will arrive when you’re ready, for the right purpose, and for just the right amount of time (unless, of course, you drag things out).
And if you feel the need to step back from dating, honour that. Those pauses, those stretches of quiet reflection, are often the medicine your soul is calling for. I’ve had long periods with no new connections, and in those still moments, I found clarity. Clarity about who I am, what I stand for, and what I truly want and value in a relationship. Those pauses refresh your perspective and ground you in your truth.
Until then, let dating be a curious adventure. Embrace both the joy and the ache, knowing they’re all part of your unique unfolding. You’re not broken, you’re growing. And when the time is right, deep love will find you, mirroring the inner love you’ve cultivated, not as a destination, but as an ongoing reflection of everything you’ve become.
This chapter is about you
Sure, some people seem to slip into relationships like it’s the easiest thing in the world, a puzzle piece effortlessly falling into place. Watching them, you might wonder, “What am I doing wrong?” But here’s the truth: nothing. If that kind of connection was meant for you right now, it would be here.
This chapter of your life isn’t just about finding “the one” out there; it’s about rediscovering the many facets of yourself within. Whether it’s those moments of exhilaration that light up your world or the ones where you vulnerably muster the courage to speak your truth, they’re not solely about the other person. They’re activations of your own growing capacity for healthy, authentic connection, revealing new dimensions of who you are.
Every cosmic collision with another, every laugh, every pleasure, every respectfully delivered goodbye, helps you reclaim parts of yourself, opening you up to deeper self-understanding and richer experiences.
You’re not stuck in the waiting room of love; you’re already on the path, uncovering its depth and truth within you with every brave step you take.
Amplifying your awareness
If you're reading this and it resonates, but you're unsure how to apply it to your life, I’d love to guide you. Whether you're single, in a relationship, or navigating the space in between, I can help you gain greater clarity and understanding in your connections.
In our sessions, we’ll combine Tarot insights and relationship coaching to uncover the patterns shaping your love life. Together, we’ll explore the dynamics influencing your connections, identify opportunities for growth, and dive into the deeper wisdom that’s ready to support you.
By the end, you'll walk away with a clearer sense of direction and renewed confidence in how to approach your next chapter.
If you’re ready to explore the next step, I’d be honoured to support you. You can book your Relationship Reading and Coaching Session here.
Read more from Ryan Findlay
Ryan Findlay, Transformational Coach and Intuitive Guide
Ryan is a Transformational Coach and Intuitive Guide, specialising in personal growth, emotional clarity, and practical strategies for navigating change. With a background in Naturopathy, Psychotherapy, and the art of Tarot, he blends diverse modalities with intuitive insights to help individuals overcome challenges and create purposeful lives. Known for his grounded, relatable approach, Ryan serves as both a compass and a steadying hand. His mission: to guide others toward game-changing insights, deeper relationships, and aligned, empowered living.
