Written by: Kelly G. Wilson, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Have you ever faced a life event that mentally and emotionally spun you out of control? Perhaps a significant event such as an unexpected job change, the end of a relationship, a personal health crisis, or a pandemic? Or maybe a minor event like a bad date or an argument with a loved one?
Can you think of a situation (big or small) that consumed you so profoundly that all you could feel was anxiety and fear? If you can relate, you are not alone.
The ups and downs of life are part of everyday living. However, the ups and downs of daily living do not need to wreak havoc on your life.
Here are five healthy habits to practice during difficult times that help you build emotional resiliency and mental strength.
Acknowledge your feelings
The first step is to acknowledge your feelings. During difficult times, it is easy to be consumed by anxiety or fear. Once this happens, anxiety and fear become so strong that it overshadows your actual feelings about the situation. The first step to building strength and resiliency is to slow down and carve out space to identify the underlying feelings and emotions.
As a healthy habit, move into a quiet setting, sit silently with yourself, and ask yourself the following four questions:
"What am I feeling at this moment?"
"Why am I feeling this way?"
"Where do I feel these emotions in my body?"
Give your emotions a voice and ask yourself, "What do my emotions want to tell me? What do I need to hear right now?"
Often the intensity is lessened once you identify and acknowledge your emotions beyond the initial anxiety and fear response. These emotions have been trying to get your attention. By slowing down, recognizing, naming, and listening, you are accepting and supporting yourself. Instead of avoiding, you are working through emotions, which creates a window for healing.
Release Self-Judgment
During breakdown, avoid negative self-talk, release self-judgment, and practice self-acceptance. Accept yourself for where you are. It is normal to feel scared, confused, and heartbroken.
You may feel lost, hopeless, and helpless. These are normal feelings too.
It is okay because these are your emotions, and you have the right to feel the way you do. No one else has the right to tell you how you should and should not feel. You and you alone determine the validity of your emotions.
As a healthy habit, say these affirmations regularly if you need help accepting yourself during emotionally difficult times:
"It is safe for me to feel the way I feel."
"I am a work in progress."
"I lovingly accept all of me, even the messy bits."
"I am perfectly imperfect."
"As I learn and grow, I get wiser and stronger."
Be mindful of the story you write
Mental storytelling is an interesting coping mechanism; it is a powerful habit of mentally weaving a story that helps you understand the experience. Unknowingly and sometimes painfully, mental storytelling reinforces a limiting belief that is deep inside of you.
In other words, when unfavorable events happen in your life, your brain generates meaning and writes a story to produce evidence of a deeply rooted self-limiting belief.
For example, if you are experiencing ghosting while dating, you might be thinking, "Of course, why would he want me? I have nothing to offer. I am such a mess."
Or, if you are experiencing rejection in your relationship, you might be thinking, "I am never good enough. I wasn’t good enough for my parents growing up. I made so many mistakes, and they told me every time I made a mistake. I failed at everything. What makes me think I am good enough for this relationship now?"
With the power of mindfulness and self-awareness, you can generate a new story from a place of curiosity and possibility.
For example, "I wonder what is going on in his life that is causing him to shut down and cancel our dates?" Or "I wonder what happened today that might be factoring into this situation?"
Note, in the last example, there was no personal meaning-making in the story. The new story came from a place of curiosity about the other person.
As a healthy habit, write a story from a place of empowerment. Adopt a sense of wonder and write from possibility. Be mindful of generating meaning that is a direct reflection of you when truthfully, it is not a reflection of you.
Identify what you can control and what you can't
During difficult times, uncertainty and loss of control enhance the feelings of fear and anxiety.
A healthy habit to adopt is to make a two-column list. List all the things you can control in the situation in the first column and list what you can’t control in the second column.
For example, you can control your response, the story you generate, and when and how you ask for support. You can't control the other person's response, circumstances in his life influencing his behavior, or how he is reacting to the situation (growth-orientated or fixed mindset).
Peace is found in knowing you did the best you could with the factors in your control. Grace is found letting go of the factors out of your control.
Ask for Support
Lastly, it is essential to remember that you are not alone.
Although fear and anxiety can make you want to retreat and isolate yourself, the healthier habit is to reach out and ask for support. The first step is to identify the type of support you need.
Do you need more support from friends and family? Can your work colleagues or your business network assist you? Do you need professional help? Therapists, coaches, and mentors all provide services to meet you exactly where you are and take you where you want to go. Lastly, have you asked for support from your Higher Power? Your Higher Power is always available and wants to support you.
Once you have identified what type of support you need, then the next step is to reach out and ask for help. Even though this last step takes practice and vulnerability, know that you are not mean to face difficulties alone.
To recap, the five healthy habits to build emotional resiliency and mental strength during difficult times are:
Acknowledge your feelings
Release self-judgment
Be mindful of the story you write
Identify what you can and can't control
Ask for support
Ups and downs are part of everyday living. Building habits to strengthen your emotional resiliency helps you thrive through emotional waves brought on by life events, both big and small. The more you practice these healthy habits, the more they become second nature and develop into your new default response mechanism, creating positive, impactful change in your life.
Kelly G. Wilson, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Kelly G. Wilson, The Butterfly Guide, is a Life Activation Coach igniting women's self-confidence & self-worth so they can win at life, love, and relationships.
Kelly's journey began ten years ago when she navigated total life destruction after divorce, which catapulted her on her journey of self-discovery and reinvention, where she learned the true definitions of authenticity, right relationship, and soul-aligned living.
Kelly's journey has provided a pathway to wholeness, which she has now transferred into her signature coaching program, Win Academy. Kelly's mission is to empower women to rebuild their self-confidence, reclaim their self-worth, and practice radical self-love so that they can win at life, love, and relationships.
Kelly has traversed her journey from caterpillar to butterfly and now lives in connection and relationship with life where quality, heart, and contribution intersect. She has a passion for adventure, travel, nature, and self-expression through art.
