Lisa Hansen offers a truly unique style of Mindset Coaching that powerfully blends Spiritual practices, Manifestation teachings, Somatic Release techniques, and practical Life Coaching skills. She has helped hundreds of clients feel empowered to manifest the lives they dream about.
Worrying is a fear-based mental habit. The good thing to know is that it’s a habitual pattern, and habits can be broken! Worrying is using the imagination to think about all the things that have gone wrong or could go wrong. When we learn how to harness the power of our imagination, we can minimize worry and get relief. This frees up mental stress, calms our nervous system, and allows us to be in charge of our thoughts.
1. Understanding worry
It is difficult to change a habitual pattern if we don’t understand its origins. Worry is a feeling created by over-thinking. Without thoughts, worry doesn’t even exist. So why do we think those thoughts that cause us to worry? Because our mind has been conditioned to believe that worry is useful and helpful. It shows up as an illusion of control whenever we feel uncertain or fearful and that we don’t have any control over what’s happening around us. Over time, worrying turns into a habit. But worrying doesn't solve any problem. Instead, it creates unnecessary struggle and suffering, and blocks our problem-solving capabilities. It keeps us stuck from taking action and is overwhelming, unproductive, and exhausting. Worrying is like praying really hard for exactly what we don't want to happen.
Once we have the awareness that worry is a feeling created by our thoughts, it becomes easier to stop allowing those thoughts to take us over. Simply understanding that worry has become a habit, and is not who we are, is a big step! We are not our thoughts. We are not our feelings. We are the observer of our thoughts and feelings. Embodying this truth is how we empower ourselves to let go of the habitual pattern of worrying.
Thoughts create our feelings and then we react to those feelings without even realizing it. The beautiful thing is we have the ability to change this pattern. Since worry follows thoughts, we can learn how to pause and investigate the thoughts that are creating worry, instead of reacting to them. We possess the power to choose thoughts that create empowering and useful emotions instead such as determination, compassion understanding, trust, and faith. We are in a much better position to manage whatever we have been worrying about when we generate these emotions on purpose. Once we choose thoughts on purpose, our amazing brains can get to work with critical thinking and resourcefulness. One of the most effective ways of doing this is by questioning our thoughts.
2. Question your thoughts
When a problem arises, the habitual pattern of worry may seem like the only option. But it is not the only option. Knowing this is very freeing! For some, simply remembering this can stop worry in its tracks. Pausing and saying to ourselves: Wait, this is a choice. I get to decide how I want to feel in this moment. I have other options that will be more beneficial than worrying. What do I need to be thinking right now to generate feelings that lead to problem-solving, accepting, or letting this go?
Asking the mind questions slows it down. This is because it has to pause in order to go within to find the answers. I find this fascinating. Slowing the mind down is the prerequisite to choosing thoughts on purpose. It’s hard to adopt new thoughts when your mind is racing! The next time you are stuck in a worry loop, remember to start asking questions and wait for the answers. You can keep worrying if you want, but if you have the desire to get out of the suffering it causes, the key is to question your thoughts to slow them down and then redirect them intentionally.
Here are some good examples of questions to slow down thoughts: What can I do right now? How can I figure this out? When have I been faced with a similar situation that worked out just fine? What’s my next step? What if everything works out just fine? Who can I call for help? How can I figure this out? And my favorite one that I learned from my spiritual teacher, Byron Katie, is: “Is this true? Can I absolutely know for sure that this is true?"
3. Decide whether you are in the present moment, the past, or the future
Worry pulls us out of the present moment. It's an indicator that the mind has either traveled to a past event or a future “what-if.” When you are in the present moment, you feel inner peace. Pause and notice where your mind has traveled to; it is almost always stuck in the past or focused on the future.
Are you worrying about something that has already happened? This will sound like “I should have done that,” or “I wish I hadn’t done that,” or “I can’t believe he did that!” It typically consists of replaying conversations, ruminating, and beating ourselves up. These are indicators that your mind has traveled to the past.
Are you worrying about something that might happen? This will sound like “What if I die?” or “What if my kid got into a car accident!” or “I am never going to figure this out; I will be poor and homeless!” It typically consists of worst-case and fear-based scenarios, extremes, and unknowns, and is often very dramatic. These are indicators that your mind has traveled to the future.
How to handle a future worry loop
Entertain going to worst-case scenarios on purpose and begin asking yourself questions such as: What am I so afraid of? What am I imagining might happen? What's the worst thing that can happen? This creates distance between you and the worrying thoughts. Instead of feeling like you are your thoughts, you will become the watcher of your thoughts. Once your mind has slowed down a bit, remind yourself that you possess the ability to handle whatever comes your way. Take inventory of all the hard things you have handled in your life up until now and remind yourself how resourceful and supported you were. Everything always ends up working out in the end, even if it's challenging. This is how we grow and evolve.
Learn how to self-soothe by talking to yourself. Take back your power and be in charge of your inner dialogue. Say things to yourself such as: Whatever happens, I’ll figure it out when the time comes. Oh wait, I'm actually good at figuring things out. I’m not gonna freak out now because worrying just makes me feel bad in the present moment. I am safe. Nothing has happened and it might not even happen at all!
Remind yourself how resourceful, capable, and resilient you are. Remind yourself you can always seek help from others since worrying blocks our wisdom. Left unchecked, the mind will turn to the habitual pattern of worrying about all the things that could go wrong. This is when you can harness the power of your imagination and put it to good use. If you have the ability to imagine all the worst-case scenarios, you also have the ability to imagine all the best-case scenarios. Direct your mind purposely and manifest that it will all work out. Once you do this, you will most likely return to the present moment because you have settled your mind. Then you are more poised to start taking constructive actions when needed.
How to handle a past worry loop
By now, you know worrying is optional. Thinking about the past doesn’t serve you in any way because it is over. There is nothing you can do about what happened and worrying won’t change anything. Remembering this in the middle of a worry loop isn’t always easy though! Your thoughts are spinning and the ruminating has gained momentum. Use the practice of asking questions to slow the mind down: What can I focus on right now to help shift me back to the present moment? Why am I thinking I can change anything from the past? What might happen if I chose to forgive myself? What might happen if I chose to forgive that person? What if this situation happened exactly as it was supposed to for my spiritual growth and evolution? In what ways was it all meant to be? What have I learned from this experience? How has it made me wiser and stronger? What if there’s absolutely nothing I would change? What if I accepted the as-is and saw it all as divinely orchestrated? Once you do this, your focus will return to the present moment and you'll be able to move on with your day.
Back to the present moment
Once you are back to the present moment, trust in the universe. Trust that your inner wisdom will show up and your next step will present itself. You will be guided and you will know what to do. You can only tap into your internal guidance system when you are aligned with the stillness of the present moment. When we worry, we are really saying we don’t trust the universe and our internal wisdom. Worrying is a sign we are disconnected from our divine selves. It’s always in stillness that solutions and ideas pop into our heads. Notice how your best inspirational ideas and solutions magically appear while you're thinking about or doing something entirely different, such as taking a shower, walking in nature, playing with your children, or walking the grocery store aisles. It’s when our minds are clear that we can listen to our intuition and receive guidance from the universe. It's very rare to show up when we are spinning in worry. The one thing we can trust is that all humans have an intuitive sense that guides us always.
My favorite present moment practice
Every time I used to get in the shower, about halfway through, I would notice I wasn’t in the present moment at all. I didn’t really remember washing my hair and sometimes couldn’t even recall if I had put the conditioner in. I realized I had been thinking about what happened before the shower and what I was going to be doing after the shower. Sometimes I even discovered I was thinking about something that happened 20 years ago! My mind left unchecked was making to-do lists, replaying conversations, or worrying. Whenever I would notice this mind activity- which was basically every time I showered - I would bring myself back to the present moment by taking a deep breath. Since I realized it was happening every single time, I decided to turn showering into one of my spiritual practices.
Now, when I get in the shower, I intentionally focus on what I am doing. I slow down. I wash my hair, feeling the bubbles and smelling the wonderful scent. I give myself a little head massage like they do at the salon, paying attention to how it feels. I express my gratitude for the water, especially the blessing of hot water, feeling it against my face. I appreciate the means to purchase all my spa products and express my thanks. This is an effective meditation practice because you are using all five of your senses. When you bring your attention to each sense, you are living in the present moment. There are times of course when I'm in a rush and forget my practice. Sure enough, as soon as I remember, I find my mind wandering all over the place. It is overly active and clinging to the past or fretting about the future. This is the nature of the ego mind. It is what it is. I simply remember my practice and bring myself back to the present moment by focusing on what I am doing. It doesn’t matter how many times one forgets. All that matters is the moment we notice, we bring ourselves back to the present - the situation, the experience, or the person in front of us.
4. Prepare ahead of time
If you know that something is coming up on your calendar that usually causes you to overthink and worry, prepare yourself ahead of time. This is a great opportunity for practicing self-talk, parenting your inner child, and self-soothing. For example, I have a friend who’s always late. I used to always be nervous that she was going to make us late for an event. I personally prefer to give myself an extra 15 minutes to arrive so I'm not late. If I am going with this friend, however, I start talking to myself ahead of time. I say things like: It’s okay if we are late. We will get there at the perfect time. I can always decide to meet her there if it's that important to me. Letting this affect my mood is a choice.
I also tend to get a little anxious before flying, so I begin my preparations a day or two before my trip. I practice self-soothing thoughts, EFT tapping, and meditation. I check in with myself for future head-tripping and worst-case scenarios. Preparing ahead of time reduces worry, resulting in a much more manageable experience. It's all about knowing yourself, validating yourself, and taking care of yourself without self-judgment and the lack of self-acceptance.
5. Choose intentional thoughts
When you get adept at slowing the mind down, practicing self-inquiry, and living more fully in the present moment, choosing the thoughts you’d like to think on purpose will become easier. Transforming the habitual pattern of overthinking and subsequent worrying takes time, patience, and self-compassion. Be kind to yourself as you practice letting go of this habit.
The next time you are faced with a problem, practice thoughts that generate feelings of determination, trust, faith, resilience, fortitude, compassion, and love. If you are someone who tends to worry a lot, creating a list of intentional thoughts to have on hand is powerfully helpful. Choose thoughts such as: I am capable of figuring things out. Things always work out for me. I trust I will know what to do. It’s ok for people to be wrong about me. I will know when I need to know. There are plenty of people who can help me with this. I am resourceful. I’ve got this.
Start your practice today
Don’t worry that you’re worrying! This will just make it worse. Accept that you are human, and that’s what human brains do. There’s no shame in this, as you are not to blame. As Pema Chodron always says, there’s no cure for being human! But the beautiful thing is that we do possess the ability to change our thoughts and subsequent feelings deliberately. Trust the process and go within to receive the inspiration you need for creative solutions, which all arise in the present moment.
Grab my free guide "Questions to Calm the Mind" here.
Read more from Lisa Hansen
Lisa Hansen, Life Coach, Conscious Parenting Coach & Spiritual Mentor
Lisa Hansen has over 20 years of experience as a Life and Mindset Coach, Conscious Parenting Coach, and Spiritual Mentor. She believes anyone is capable of manifesting the life they truly want to be living, whether it’s to feel a greater sense of purpose, earn more money, improve their relationships, or become a more peaceful parent. Her passion is empowering women to live confidently, intuitively, and authentically. She helps her clients shed self-limiting beliefs, end self-sabotage, overcome their inner critic, and transform their lives into one full of self-love, self-acceptance, and empowerment.
