Written by: Wendy J Olson, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
The holidays are my favorite. Or at least, I used to SAY the holidays were my favorite. I came to a cold, hard reality last year that the holidays are in fact not my favorite time of year.
I can trace a large amount of my trauma back to this time of year. And there's nothing like some good ole fashion trauma counseling to make you realize you're living a lie. It's no wonder so many people get depressed this time of year.
First up, there's the pressure. Who started the notion that one day, two days, even a whole season needed to be filled to the brim with perfection, and lots of fake snow on your mantle…? I could blame Clark Griswold, but I suspect he wasn't the first one. For years women have been putting pressure on themselves to create the perfect Christmas without any actual clue as to what a perfect Christmas is and should be.
Therein lies the rub.
We have no idea what is attainable, let alone expected.
And there's the second: what should we expect? Are our expectations too high? I don't know, and yes. There is no perfect Christmas. There is no perfect Thanksgiving. It's all relative and it's all based on your idea of perfection. Not Missy Influencer Jones over there with her perfectly monogrammed stockings hung by the chimney with care, and her family in matching PJs. And also, if only…
So here are four reminders for the holidays I'm gonna need you to have living rent-free in your head:
1. Your holiday traditions don't have to be like everyone else's.
Read that again. Your traditions are just that: yours. You don't need to live up to the Target commercial brand of holiday hub-bub. If your tradition includes eating Chinese food alone in your apartment, kudos to you! I wish I could join you. Don't let the pressure of social media eat you alive, even more than it already does, during the holidays.
2. Cut yourself some slack.
The holidays come around every year, which means next year you'll get another go at this thing. Not every year can, or should be perfect. Give yourself grace. Most years one or all of us is sick. For Thanksgiving this year, we were running 2 out of 3 in that department. Trust me, it's going to be ok even if you burn everything and nothing comes out right and all your packages are late. Who cares? That's not the point. Relax. Be kind to yourself. And for that matter, everyone else too.
3. Your trauma will resurface during the holidays.
This is an all-but guarantee if you are someone living with trauma. (And you are. More on that next month.) There's something about this time of year that brings it all bubbling to the surface. For that, I am sorry. There's nothing you can do about it other than be aware of it, take care of yourself, and be curious about it when it does resurface. Don't try to wrap it in the box like Aunt Bethany did when she went to visit Clark and Ellen. It will get electrocuted and set your Christmas tree on fire. Nobody wants that.
4. And lastly, take care of yourself. FIRST.
No, I mean it. Don't make me come over there! Take care of yourself better than you've taken care of yourself all year long. I know, this year has been hard. And so have the last two. But we're here.
We're in this together.
We're almost at the finish line.
Take a breath.
Take a break.
Take a long bubble bath and book a massage. Find a meditation practice you love. (I'm super into Movement Genius right now!) And practice the heck out of it. If it were a cassette tape in the 80s, play that baby on replay and wear out the deck. You cannot take care of anyone well unless you first take care of yourself.
Say it again.
Remember that the holidays are stressful…and also they don't have to be. If you're visiting people that trigger you, set a timer and don't stay long. If you're traveling, expect long lines and delays. And STILL, be kind to your airport staff. Expect tantrums, expect meltdowns, expect tears. And that's just from the adults.
Give yourself grace.
Give yourself space. We're all in this together.
You are not alone.
Reach out, reach back. Let's be together this holiday season, even if we're miles apart.
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Wendy J Olson, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Wendy J Olson is a healing coach, founder, and president of Grit Plus Gumption Farmstead. Wendy believes in the power of story to change and shape people's lives. She walks with women through their stories of past hurts and traumas and guides them to find their own freedom and healing. Through Grit plus Gumption, she serves survivors of sexual exploitation and domestic violence. Having applied all she teaches to her own life as a survivor herself, she is able to guide women with kindness and grace, showing them there is always more freedom to be had in one’s life. She believes everyone has a story, and even if that story is really hard, it doesn't mean the rest of the story has to be.
