Written by: Sandy Hayes, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
In 2016, I started going to school for my master’s degree while working full time, and I finally felt like an adult (even though I was in my mid-to-late twenties)! I buckled down and spent all my time either at work or on schoolwork. I was working to live, and it was extremely exhausting. It didn’t leave me much time for fun. For me at that time, fun was zoning out in front of the television when I had nothing left to give and watching others enjoy their lives through the TV shows I watched.
Since then, I realized that this is what was modeled to me growing up. Both of my parents worked hard but didn’t allow themselves to have much actual enjoyment in their own lives. I still enjoy watching Netflix, but I like to balance it with other activities which I’ll go into more detail below.
Their idea of fun was to work hard followed by disconnecting from their own lives through television, working out, etc. and it felt like a punishment-numbing cycle which didn’t include any true fun or enjoyment. I applied this pattern to my own life unconsciously which included pushing myself to do more than I could handle. When I pushed myself past my limit, it led to burnout and chronic health issues.
My inner voice would berate me for not doing enough or being perfect which caused deep shame to build up in me which only perpetuated the punishment-numbing cycle. I would punish myself for not being enough followed by numbing the shame through social media, binge drinking, partying with friends and/or overeating.
Since beginning my healing journey in 2018 after getting diagnosed with an autoimmune disease called lupus, this pattern transferred from work to healing to my business in various ways that I’ve been unlearning. I felt like healing didn’t allow for much flexibility or fun, and I had to do everything perfectly or it wasn’t good enough. Addressing this all-or-nothing pattern related to perfectionism in all areas of my life has been key to my overall mindset!
Here are some tips to help you if you incorporate more fun in your life:
1. Don’t be scared to do things alone!
Many people at the beginning of their spiritual awakening or healing journey don’t have anyone else who understands what you’re going through. Take this time to date yourself and build a relationship with all parts of you: your Higher Self, your ego, your shadow, your inner child, etc. Discover what makes you tick. What are your deepest desires and fears?
There is such power to doing things alone! At the beginning of my awakening (and even now), I love to take myself out to brunch every week. This reminds me of my childhood at my grandparent’s house and it brings me so much joy! I decided not to let the fear of others judging me for being alone get in the way of enjoying life, and I have made incredible connections by stepping out of my comfort zone and doing this.
What is one simple action step you can take to do something, even if it means doing it alone?
2. Don’t use fun as a reward for hard work.
The only time my family had fun was to take a vacation or after working hard as a reward. I became resentful of this because I felt like I had to do all these things to finally have fun. It felt like fun was so far out of reach or even a luxury that not everyone gets to have (spoiler alert: it’s available for everyone at any time!).
Since beginning my spiritual awakening journey, I continue learning what fun actually means to me and my clients. Fun doesn’t have to cost money or be something huge like a vacation. To me, fun is doing anything that lights me up. Exploring a new hobby such as painting, dancing to fun music around my house, talking to or spending time with a friend, or spending time connecting to my desires.
When I don’t have fun, enjoyment, or pleasure in my life, I begin feeling anxious because I’ve fallen back into the old pattern of doing all the things first to be able to have fun. When this happens, I take a break from what I’m doing to calm my nervous system down. After that, I can re-evaluate and see what will bring me pleasure: a nap, reading a book, listening to music, watching TV, working out, etc. I consciously set the intention that these are to bring me pleasure instead of using these as tools to avoid.
What is one way to bring more enjoyment into your life today?
3. Take time daily to be grateful for what you already have.
Shadow work is not only healing trauma. The main purpose of shadow work is to transmute your deepest pain into your greatest gift. Your greatest gift becomes the thing that brings you courage, creativity, curiosity, love, and success.
This starts with shifting your mindset to gratitude. If it’s hard to find things to be grateful for, start small and be authentic. Are you grateful for the roof over your head, for the food in the fridge, or for your health? Write out at least 3 different things you’re grateful for daily and watch how your life expands.
Manifestation is all about what we focus on and it starts with our internal world. If you focus on the lack of what you actually want or have, then you will continue attracting people and situations from this lack. As you shift your mindset, you will start to notice a difference in the world around you and you will begin attracting more and better things into your life.
What three things are you grateful for today?
4. Take breaks from healing! The healing work never ends.
There is no “end point” to healing. As long as you’re alive, there will always be new layers of things to heal. Accepting this has helped me to loosen the grip around the pattern that was preventing me from having fun on my healing journey. The healing journey can be challenging on every level: physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually, and this is finding ways to incorporate more enjoyment into your life can more than offset that.
Find things that used to bring you pleasure as a child. I used to love to read fantasy books along with ways of being creative through drawing, painting, and writing. During the beginning of my healing journey, 95% of the books I read were self-help/personal development books and I felt like I didn’t have time to read other books for pleasure. What was the point when my main focus was on healing?
Since then, I’ve incorporated painting, reading fantasy books, and writing whatever wants to come through to me in my journal or here in this article. I do this for the internal satisfaction my soul gets. Doing something this simple lights me up now!
What did you love to do as a child and how can you incorporate that into your life now?
If you found this article to be helpful on your healing journey, please claim your complimentary Guided Relaxation Meditation here.
Sandy Hayes, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Sandy Hayes is an Empath Manifestation Coach, Quantum Energy Healer, Akashic Records & Tarot Reader including certifications as a Master Life Coach, Manifestation and Mindset (CBT) Coach. Her passion is spent empowering empaths to heal autoimmune disease and/or anxiety in order to manifest freedom, self-love and trust in the body, mind, and soul. Sandy was personally diagnosed with lupus in early 2018 leading her on this journey of healing both the autoimmune along with undiagnosed anxiety and depression that has plagued her throughout her life.
She now helps fellow empaths address these health concerns the same way she used on herself to reduce chronic pain, eliminate brain fog, heal food intolerances/sensitivities, build a strong immune system and embrace happiness. Sandy found a unique practice that worked for her through countless research and experimentation over the last four years including physical lifestyle changes, emotional inner work, mental/cognitive rewiring and spiritual practices which all work together to address the underlying chronic stress. Sandy also assists empaths at any stage of their awakening including helping them connect to their intuitive gifts and become healers to themselves and others.
