Written by: Hannah Kinderlehrer, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Life is groundless, feeling like you’re in survival is normal, here’s what helps. We all have times of feeling like we are in literal survival. Sometimes the world hands us more than we can handle. Sometimes our bodies are in physical crisis. Sometimes our emotional world unravels, our relationship with ourselves and or others feels like it’s falling apart and it’s killing us. We have all been here, we will all be here again, it’s part of being human. This has been said many times before: pain is guaranteed suffering is optional. Sometimes when I hear that I want to punch whoever wrote it in the face but I also know it’s true. Here are four steps to loving, supporting, and resourcing yourself through to the other side.
1. Ground and Nurture When we are overwhelmed by feelings or emotions, we either disassociate and revert to the dorsal vagal nervous system ‒ shut down, or we spin out and freak out, entering the sympathetic nervous system ‒ fight/flight. Either way, we need to ground in our bodies, and feel the support of the Earth beneath our feet, breath deeply in and out of our bellies, and return to the present moment. Feel your feet, exhale slow and long, place your hand on your heart. Remind yourself you can do hard things, you’ve done them before, you’ll do them again, you’re doing it now.
2. Lean in to Support The ability to self-regulate comes from co-regulation. Mammals need each other to thrive! Co-regulation happens when: we hold each other (babies, partners, pets, friends), or our breathing synchronizes, or through lingering eye contact, soothing words, making music together, singing, dancing, napping together, etc…There are infinite ways to lean into this kind of support on the spot. We can co-regulate with nature, lean your back against a tree, our wiggle feet into the Earth. We can call a friend or drop a text letting them know we are in a moment of need, can they remind us we are supported? We can cuddle a pet, or listen a saved voicemail from someone we love. Reaching out to a coach or a therapist co-regulates us as well. These are simple ways to let the world know you’re suffering, and you need a reminder you’re not alone. 3. Don’t Abandon yourself! The habit to disassociate or spin out as mentioned above, is wired deeply within most of us. When we are not present in our bodies, it is a form of self-abandonment. Once we have leaned into support and been reminded that we have people or animals who care about us, it is SO much easier to have your own back. Let yourself know you are here for yourself, no matter what. Rub your belly, brush your hands down your arms, rock, hum, self soothe, stay present. Stomp your feet, push against a wall, roar, growl, be with yourself, follow your instincts, you’ve got this. Whatever you are feeling will move through you much faster if you are present with yourself and allow it rather than hiding or resisting it. (The average emotion lasts less than 2 minutes, it’s our stories and attachments to it that keep them hanging around!)
4. Integrate
After huge scary emotions, we need to come back into safety. This is why deer return to the herd after being chased, it’s a return to safety. This is also how we rewire our brains away from the groove that says I can’t, into the groove that says, I can and I am. Look at the sky, remind yourself you are a part of the world and the world is still turning. Reach out to loved ones, tell them how you had your own back and weathered the storm. Report in to your therapist/coach/community on what you just went through and how you relied on your tools. Give yourself positive messages: “I’m so proud I reached out, and I stood by myself. Damn, I’ve grown, check me out!” And remember that nothing’s permanent, feelings will come and go (more on this in my next article) but you rode this wave and are better for it.
Life is going to continue to be groundless and hectic and pretty much mostly out of our control. Knowing we are not alone and that we can have our back as we ride the waves is everything! Here’s to moving from surviving into thriving.
Hannah Kinderlehrer, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Hannah Kinderlehrer believes we can all live an amazing, full life through the wisdom of the body. After learning to thrive with chronic illness and injury, she became a holistic coach combining mindfulness-based Hakomi Psychotherapy, embodiment, self-compassion, nervous system regulation, and more. She supports clients, dance students, and workshop participants to fall in love in with themselves and life, from the inside out. She created Awaken the Dance and Rise and Thrive Coaching, and leads an annual six-month womxn's journey called Homecoming, focused on belonging. She has taught internationally and leads regular classes online and in Boulder, CO. She holds a degree from Naropa University, the Peacemaker Institute and is a Certified Hakomi Practitioner. Hannah has studied dance for 40 years and has been a student of Buddhism for over 20 years. She believes wholeheartedly that is our birthright to live a joyful, meaningful life, and that embodied, mindful living will take you there.
Photo Credits:
Jewel Afflerbaugh
