Written by: Cynthia Omekam, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
The term self-sabotage refers to thoughts & behaviors that tend to hold us back & prevent us from achieving our desires. And the crazy thing about it is, you may not even notice that you're doing it. But whether you are aware of these negative habits or not, they slowly begin to destroy your life internally as well as externally. Because with every “failed” attempt you “prove” to yourself that you aren’t capable, that you aren’t enough or that you simply shouldn't do it. Which leads to high levels of discouragement, low levels of self-esteem & self-confidence, ultimately negatively affecting your experiences & interactions with the world around you.
So self-sabotage is not only dangerous to our success journeys but also to our overall well being. It reinforces negative behaviors that diminish our view & perception of our true potential. And as we “fall short” in our daily responsibilities & obligations our behaviors can even lead to damage to our reputation. Because others begin to see us as unreliable, uncommitted, lazy, or unmotivated. Not to mention, with all of this comes a struggle with our own ability to manage our emotions. Causing more strain on relationships & creating more feelings of failure, shame, frustration & even guilt. Which continues to draw us deeper & deeper into a dark space.
Self-sabotaging behavior presents itself differently from person to person. However, there are some common signs that may help you begin to recognize & identify these habits within your own journey. So I decided to highlight 8 common trends that I’ve picked up on from working with my clients:
Avoidance
Lack of boundaries
Ruled by inner critic
Victim of comparison
Paralyzing fear of success
Fear of change, discomfort, or trying new things
Waiting for the “perfect” timing, conditions, or person
Incompletion of projects, despite passionate or purposeful connection
Now, of course, we’ve all had some form of experience with one or more of these factors but self-sabotage comes into play when these factors are consistent & begin to hinder our progress. Because again it’s the consistency that reinforces our skewed perception of our worthiness & potential. So now that we have a good understanding of what self-sabotage can look like & how it hinders our transformation, let’s explore 4 simple ways you can start breaking free from its chains today:
1. Practice Self-Awareness
Take time to reflect, identify & examine goals that you’ve had for a long time but have never accomplished. Now, this can be done through reflective journaling or you can actively process through this as things occur during your day-to-day. But the key is to gain an in-depth understanding of possible trends/patterns in order to nurture the clarity needed to cultivate change.
i. Why have you been putting it off?
ii. Are these reasons acceptable/realistic?
iii. Is this still aligned with where you are now on your journey?
iv. If so, what could be the source behind your lack of motivation? v. Is there a need to learn a new skill or acquire a new credential?
2. Understand Your Triggers & Emotions
Emotional intelligence is essential to avoiding self-sabotage. I mean just to be honest emotional reactivity is one of the main reasons I see my clients sabotage opportunities & experiences. Which is why managing our emotional response is crucial, so aim to be more aware of the cause & effect aspects during times when you feel emotionally triggered. In order to make sure that you aren't operating from a reactive mental/emotional space & possibly misinterpreting or misconstruing the situation.
i. What transpired that triggered these emotions?
ii. Was your response beneficial or detrimental to your experience?
iii. If it caused a negative reaction, how can you respond better next time?
3. Challenge Your Inner Critic
Nine times out of ten the emotions that fueled your behavior began as an irrational thought. So it’s very beneficial to take note of your negative dialogue. Make sure to write down your thoughts without any judgment to create a clear view of what is being said. Allowing you the opportunity to examine them effectively. Explore them & go deeper: What’s really fueling these beliefs? Are there clear facts to support these thoughts? Next, begin challenging your inner critic with logical, positive affirmations. Dismantling your assumptions through a fact based perspective. While shifting your focus to your positive experiences & accomplishments. And as you continue to practice this, you will slowly begin to transform your negative thoughts & emotions into ones anchored in hope & positivity. Ultimately, nurturing the mental/emotional capacity & resilience needed to effectively maneuver through challenges, allowing you to begin achieving whatever you set your mind to.
4. Shower Yourself In Love & Compassion
Adopting a more mindful approach anchored in self-love & self-compassion can really help you stay grounded & encouraged. A really good practice to pick up is gratitude journaling or self-praise journaling. This allows you to reflect on all the good in your life & celebrate your accomplishments. Which not only boosts your confidence & vibrations but serves as excellent counter thoughts when that inner critic tries to pop up in your way. But as always choose tools & activities that speak to you, the goal is to reinforce your self-worth & amplify the voice of your inner coach.
I know it can be hard to accept that the very thing that is holding you back is you. But the good news is that you can overcome & defeat self-sabotage through accountability, dedication & a lot of inner work. Of course, it won’t be easy but it is very possible & beyond worth it. So start slow & simple. And most of all maintain self-compassion as you become more intentional with monitoring & challenging your behaviors, feelings, thoughts, and beliefs about yourself. Knowing that as you begin to understand what is behind the self-sabotaging behavior, you literally begin to regain your power. Cultivating the mental & emotional capacity to begin developing positive, self-supporting behaviors to keep you on the right track & keep you propelling forward.
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Cynthia Omekam, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Cynthia Omekam, the owner of Holistic Liberation LLC, is a Certified Holistic Life Coach & an Accredited Spiritual Healer with a BS & MA in Psychology. She is dedicated to supporting others as they break free from stress & anxiety and begin living more peaceful, balanced, and fulfilling lifestyles. She specializes in stress management, establishing inner peace, mindful living & spirituality. When she is not working Cynthia loves adrenaline-pumping adventures & anything that leads her closer to her higher self.
