Written by: Léa Agbo, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Our way of welcoming things, advising, evolving, and living is undoubtedly inspired by our perception of the world and our way of thinking. This is the major reason we project our vision and personal identity on others, whether they evolve within the same culture or not.
Traditionally, there are ways of doing things that can make us more cultured, awoken and assertive, and in many ways, what we have learned can be beneficial to us. However, we must understand that we are mainly made up of beliefs, and it is essential, in any situation and life events, to be able to recognise that we are imbued with references that guide us and behaviours that we have developed.
The mirror, my reflections
As we live, we meet different people with diverse characters and personalities, and from time to time, we develop negative feelings for some. It happens in a non-systematic way but in 4 specific cases:
The person is too similar to us (and it sounds fake)
The person is too different from us
The person represents who/what we would like to be
The person represents who/what we do not wish to be like
Being able to identify one of these cases allows us to learn to better understand ourselves and to tame our way of reasoning. But in general, it is a difficult exercise to grasp. Why? Because we forbid ourselves to criticise anyone, giving ourselves a lot of benevolence and empathy, we are therefore ignoring who we really are. Indeed, we are a mix of good intentions and less commendable ones. Our educational conditioning is so ingrained and has orientated us not to judge, but on the contrary, to accept others as they are and also constantly try to conform to it.
This anchoring, enriched by our own experiences, brings us to the very principle of projection. This psychological defense mechanism makes us attribute unacceptable feelings, intentions, and thoughts to others. But we behave this way in order to avoid seeing that what we notice in others is also a part of us. It is a way of protecting ourselves from the "imperfections" of our personality that we consider inadmissible and feel guilty about.
Mirror, my beautiful mirror, tell me who am I?
The people around us are like a mirror to us; We see ourselves through others who send back a true image of ourselves. However, it may be unknowledgeable and internalised. As soon as we accept it, it is possible to discover further and open up.
In order to speed up the process, I suggest you do a quick exercise: answer the following questions with complete transparency and honesty:
Are you able to analyse your interlocutor? In other words: do you quickly know who you are dealing with?
Are you able to do a self-scan of your psychological and/or emotional state? In other words: are you able to define and analyse your thoughts and emotions at the present moment?
Can you describe your strengths and qualities in 15 seconds? Write them down.
What about your balance point?
Are you open to new ways of thinking and doing things?
Are you able to easily adapt to a situation, to an unforeseen event, to a person?
Are you confident in your abilities?
Well done!!! You have painted your self-portrait.
So, now comes the exercise. During your next interaction, you will identify and observe your reflections through the person and then compare them with the responses previously given.
As you know now, what we perceive depends on our vision and our way of functioning (education, values, experiences, etc.). Thanks to the identification of our reflections, now, it becomes possible to put our finger on the person we are. Having this awareness is thus one of the keys to broadening our perception of our environment, of people, of the world and above all, to gaining serenity.
Léa Agbo, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Léa is an entrepreneur and infopreneur, a certified coach in positive psychology, and a specialist in cross-cultural business. With over 10 years of experience in personal development, her focus is for you to become a better version of yourself.
A wide range of clients, including entrepreneurs, require her services to smoothly optimize their lives and/or business projects, have more confidence and energy to pursue their goals, and build real, constructive, and consistent self-esteem.
She specifically coaches entrepreneurs on the cross-cultural aspects of their businesses and is the author of the ‘Globalisation Programme.’
Léa holds a master’s degree in Strategic Business Management and Entrepreneurship. She is also a Certified Operational Manager. Léa is the Founder of AGBO Business Consulting, a company aiming to challenge you to the next level.
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