Written by: Sandra Ehlers, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
There is love that never dies. Viscerally felt, and so deep and passionate that it can cut through any veil – even the veil of separation. Such love can exist between people – we sometimes call this a soulmate or twin flame relationship.
However, a relationship like this is rarely a romantic fairy tale of two. A true twin flame relationship takes us beyond all dualities – which means we become unshackled from the boundaries and personalities of "me" and "you".
Let me share Radha's story on divine love as an example
In Hindu tradition, Radha is Krishna's divine consort. Krishna calls her "his own soul". They are the epitome of passionate, ecstatic love. Whenever they are together, they are in transcendental bliss.
But Krishna, being a personification of God, is meant to love more than one. He is here to love all! A divine polyamory, in which the whole cosmos is part of his ecstatic union, and he desires to serve every soul.
Radha, meanwhile, wants him to desire only her. She is thrown into deep inner conflict every time he has to leave her side.
"You make me so happy, so free and turned on to life. I feel like I can do anything.
You are perfect. I love you so much.
But why, my love, do you not answer me in the way that I desire?
Why do you flirt and play with others, so carefree and unfazed?
With that smile. That laugh. That light shining so bright.
And not with me in that moment.
It’s like you don’t need me.
Does our love mean nothing to you?
When you are with me, the world is perfect.
When you are away from me my world is dark.
There is a void that is too much to bare and I feel like I am suffocating from its immense emptiness."
Through madness to enlightenment
Radha's passion and struggle gradually drives her to the brink of madness. When her Divine Lover is near, her world truly is perfect; when he is not around, her world is darkness and chaos.
She may be seen as the antithesis of what we usually consider a yogi: so obsessed with Krishna that she can barely contain herself. Instead of detached, Radha is needy; at times she has little to no control of her emotions.
Yet, over time, her fiery obsession turns out to be her very path to liberation. Through the intensity of her longing, Radha develops so much inner fire that it not only consumes her, but transforms her on every level.
When the divine couple is duty-bound into long-term separation, the heart-wrenching separation she feels in his absence inspires her to deepen her devotion. She begins to see and feel him in the everyday experiences around her. She comes to see him in the trees, in the cows, in the flowers, constantly singing his praise.
In the process of learning to see her Lover everywhere, the boundaries of her limited "self" dissolves.
She is coming to see their non-separation at a deeper level. Beyond personalities, and even beyond individual souls, dissolving into the union of all. Ultimately, every encounter in her life becomes sensually ecstatic.
Radha had to learn to become polyamorous with life, just like her divine consort Krishna. To be in ecstatic union with all of it, as if all of it was Him. Thus, through her very portal of obsession, she became enlightened.
Among the branches of yoga, Radha is the inspiring example for those of us who desire the most intimate inner union experience (Bhakti). It is a path to enlightenment led by emotion. We ride on the passion for love - rather than the relatively long, grinding, slow way of austerities – to transform ourselves into pure unconditional experience.
4 Radha lessons on unconditional love in real life
I feel a deep affinity with Radha, because I have lived parts of her story.
Here are four life lessons I've learned, mirrored in her story, about unconditional love.
1. Allowing our passion for love, and the fire of all our emotions guide us
Through Radha's example, we learn that no human experiences are wrong. Indeed, they can all be a door to self-realization! The anger, the grief, the envy and the longing can turn us towards deeper truth and belonging.
Radha shows the world that you don't have to suppress your "needy" human nature for the sake of your desire to experience your transcendental nature. Love embraces all. You simply need a willingness to let your needs transform your consciousness; learn to find unconditional acceptance in and of all your situations, your needs, and your nature.
Most of us learn to suppress at least some of our feelings and needs in order to function and fulfil expectations in life. Unfortunately, we usually don't realize it until something happens to trigger us – maybe a life crisis forces us to face our forgotten desires and values.
This is an invitation to learn to love ourselves more deeply, and through that learn to fulfil our own needs. It begins with admitting that we have them, or even admitting the feeling that something is missing.
While we all need love and connection as human beings, how we view and work with those needs comes to shift radically when our heart truly opens in what we call a heart chakra awakening.
As we feel our own cup overflowing, the fearfulness and grasping naturally dissolves, and we become able to love with a truly open hand. This is where our inner work eventually leads.
2. Using separation as a portal for ego dissolution
This is not just one defined lesson, but more like a black hole that can swallow all kinds of illusions! The ideas of our personality and history being obstacles to love. The ideas about the limited physical body, or the details of our circumstances being what keeps us separate from love.
I was lying on the grass one day, contemplating loss, when I had the deep realization that my 'task' is simply to love what I have in front of me with all I've got, as if nothing else exists. This catapulted me straight into the love inherent in the present moment.
What it means is that my experience here and now, whatever it is (and it wasn't easy!), is fully worthy of my complete love.
Intimate love can truly be felt in any encounter. When we open to receive it, there is no separation left.
3. Looking for the deeper essence in everything
I also see my own story in how Radha outgrew the limited idea that ecstatic love belongs only to relationship.
Instead, we can be humbled to see that in order to experience a greater, cosmic ecstasy, we must allow ourselves to learn to see that ecstatic essence everywhere and in everyone.
Every time we see something less than beautiful, we have discovered a spot on our lens to the world that needs polishing. Life serves us possibilities – but it is up to us to polish the lens.
I learned to look for the divine in everyone I met. Life blessed me with opportunities to experience riveting love beyond usual expectations on romantic relationships, such as culture, faith, age and appearance. The lesson: to learn to love beyond boundaries, we must look at why we are afraid to let love flow.
We come to a deepening into our own devotion to love, into our own heart; the other being our loving mirror. We find that there is less and less need for another to fulfil us, because we are beginning to find a deeper fulfilment in the fullness of our own heart.
4. Practicing devotion and surrender
And I learned, finally, that this intimate experience of the cosmic dance is guided by surrender to something greater than our mind's ideas about it.
The experience of cosmic ecstasy already exists for us to tap into. We are not being kept away from anything – it is our own resistance to the nectar of life that holds us from it. When there is no more resistance, and we are able to be fully present, we can tap in naturally.
It's entirely up to us to open ourselves up to it. However, I've seen that we must be humble enough to admit when we don't know how.
Surrendering our desire to see beyond separation allows help to come through unexpected channels. And the more devoted we are to the process of surrendering the concepts and limitations of our own mind that cause the suffering, the more supported we will be to find our way.
This is an intimate journey. No one can tell you what to be devoted to. Maybe it is love, or truth, or your own faith. Maybe it is family, life, or music. Whatever it is, let it fuel your inner alchemy.
Grounding unconditional love into relationship
When binding all these lessons together, love becomes more than the actions we take or the commitments we make towards each other in a relationship. You begin to look at your loved one as a divine reminder of your own deepest essence – a reminder of the taste of boundlessness.
Maybe you feel a visceral flow of love in your body. A physical sensation in the body that has nothing to do with infatuation, as this is real, timeless love. We feel this around the heart especially, maybe spreading through the body. This experience is what we call heart chakra awakening.
It may feel like the other person is opening your heart; but of course, it all comes from within you. It is you who are allowing the love to flow, because you feel safe to receive it.
Radha love is that visceral feeling of unconditional love with the quality of juicy ecstasy, flowing through all aspects of our being. Her love is only possible when we understand that ecstasy comes from inner communion.
Unconditional love is a state of being - it's not really about another person at all. In fact, once you feel it, you might as well feel it with a tree, a flower, or anything else around you.
This is why we must differentiate between the relationship and the feeling: A relationship requires some commitment to each other, and importantly also boundaries.
Boundaries are a major part of what we call self-love. If we love ourselves, we don't stay in relationship dynamics that hurt us. We don't allow behaviours that repeatedly drain our energy, or that puts our self-worth or value in question. If we realize that that is happening, then we are working on the issue of boundaries and safety, and unconditional love is not yet the main priority.
Unconditional love becomes the main priority when those lessons are no longer our main concern. When we have done enough healing that our awareness can be predominantly centered on love or peace. That's when we are naturally drawn to release all remaining heart walls, all the barriers of fear, in order to let love to flow freely.
In that space, boundlessness abides even through the apparent boundaries separating Lovers.
You can learn more about unconditional love, tantra, spiritual awakening and other juicy topics by following me on YouTube, Instagram, or Facebook. Also, make sure to check out current workshops, and how you can work with me on my website.
Sandra Ehlers, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Sandra Ehlers is a Self-Integration & Kundalini Awakening Guide, Trauma Informed Yoga Meditation Teacher, Event Facilitator, Reiki Master, and Writer. Her work is dedicated to inner union – not only through expanded awareness, but as a lived, embodied experience of wholeness in the world. The focus is on transforming and integrating all levels of conscousness; physical, emotional, mental, energetic and spiritual – creating a foundation for deepened present-moment awareness, equanimity, aliveness, and ultimately, bliss. Alongside workshops, classes and retreats, Sandra offers 1:1 support to self-alignment through the Completion Process and other modalities.
