Written by: William Rees, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Theodore Roosevelt famously stated that “comparison is the thief of joy,” and we certainly risk a lot of joy getting snatched away from us by continually measuring ourselves or our successes against the success of others.
But the majority of our thoughts and feelings, even the “negative ones,” can be utilized as valuable teachers—guiding us closer to what we truly want and need, and providing us vital clarity around who we’re being called to become in this world.
As a certified Life + Career Coach, a core component of what I help clients work through in my acclaimed practice, Keylight, is separating out what the outside world is telling them success must look like versus what my clients’ unique inner voice is inviting them to bring to life.
Feelings of envy and comparison enter into nearly every coaching journey eventually, but before instantly exiling such thoughts or condemning them solely as the “thieves of joy,” my clients and I offer these envious feelings respectable, part-time gigs within our coaching work.
We hire the feelings on as tutors of sorts—filled with valuable knowledge about what my clients’ uniquely joyful futures could look like.
Below are four illuminating areas worth exploring to transform your own thoughts of comparison from thieves of joy into detectors and protectors of joy.
1. Explore the Source of Your Comparison
Are your thoughts of comparison typically originating from external sources (your opinionated parents, your humble-bragging peers, the flawless sheen of your social media feed)? Or are your thoughts about not stacking-up most often originating from within you, unprompted by the words or accomplishments of others?
With clarity regarding your typical source of comparison, harness a greater sense of control by answering this key question:
Which voices and influences empower me to be who I want to be…
and which influences distract me from who I want to be?
Not every voice, whether internal or external, will harmonize perfectly with your hopes for your life and future. But recognizing you are at the mixing board and can dial up or down any tracks that are negatively impacting who you’re becoming is a powerful way to begin to reframe the issue of comparison.
2. Understand Your Reaction to Your Comparison
Whether we’re typically reacting to external or internal sources of comparison (most of us are bothered by a bit of both) an eye-opening set of questions to investigate next are:
When do my feelings of envy and comparison stifle my unique gifts?
+
When does comparison awaken and ignite my unique strengths?
Feelings of inadequacy tend to activate a low-grade version of the Fight/Flight/Freeze response inside us. Fearing we don’t measure up to the precise pace and criteria of modern-day success prompts many of us to simply flee from our dreams or freeze up in our pursuit of them.
Imagine what might change for you if your chosen response to uncomfortable feelings of comparison became “Fight for Your Dreams” rather than “Freeze ‘em and Flee ‘em”?
Envy and comparison can invite us to call upon and experiment with our gifts and strengths and unlock new layers of ingenuity for achieving what we want to achieve. Accept that for the remarkable invitation it can be and acknowledge your agency.
3. Identify the Truth inside Your Comparison
The irritated tension we feel whenever we compare our pace or path to those around us can be incredibly taxing, and that mental and emotional tension often leads us to sell ourselves some over-sized lies.
“I’m just not cut out to have what that guy has.”
“If this were truly meant to be, I’d be further along by now.”
“Maybe I don’t really need a colorful life like theirs. I’ll just make do with my current lot.”
We are all terrifically talented when it comes to twisting our uncomfortable feelings of inferiority into logical-sounding lies. These lies pop up to protect us, temporarily, but in time the lies ultimately expose us to even greater dissatisfaction.
Lives built upon lies are not lives we can thrive inside.
When you’re feeling less-than, give yourself the time and the stillness to listen bravely to the powerful truths hiding shyly behind your clever little lies. Ask yourself:
What beautiful or inconvenient truth
are my feelings of envy asking me to acknowledge?
You may soon hear illuminating clarity like…
“I actually would really love to become as good in my role as my mentors are.”
“I’m not where I thought I would be by now, but it’s the path that feels like home.”
“It won’t be easy, but I really do want to earn and achieve what that person somehow has.”
There’s nothing wrong with wanting something new or wanting something more. With wanting to be better, or to be better off. Those desires are the seeds of so many good things in the world: creation, growth, resilience—and true and authentic joy.
4. Consult the Compass within Your Comparison
The final and most powerful idea your feelings of envy and comparison can tutor you toward deeper wisdom on resides within this question:
Where would you love to take yourself next?
Comparison can easily convince us we’re continually on the wrong path, or we’re stuck in the slow lane. That everyone else races around the world with GPS directions for the fastest route toward success while we’re stuck with faded and outdated maps we can’t hardly read.
But you, in fact, now have a no-fail compass close at hand to guide you forward. Embedded inside your feelings of envy and comparison, and the powerful truths you’ve sourced from within those feelings, sits a personalized compass directing you toward your very next move!
If you’re frustrated that your career is lacking the creativity you know you’re longing for: the compass inside your feelings of comparison is guiding you towards satisfying new steps you could take to advance your artistic strengths.
If you’re envious of all the adventure and laughter exhibited in your sibling’s twenty-year marriage: the compass within your feelings of comparison is guiding you toward unlocking more spontaneity and levity in your primary relationship(s).
It’s all but impossible for us to know what to do or where to go next when we’re uncertain as to what it is that we want or need. That’s the redeemable gift hidden within envy and comparison: the guidance those feelings provide us regarding where we can find our joy and the turn-by-turn directions to keep our joy right in sight!
Ready to quickly and clearly map your own unique path to a more joyful personal or professional life? Book a Free Discovery Call with leading Life + Wellbeing Coach Will Rees at www.keylight.life
William Rees, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
William Rees is a leading Career and Wellbeing Coach and the founder of Keylight, the top-tier coaching practice renowned for empowering individuals and duos to cast their endeavors in a vibrant and visionary light. Drawing upon his two decades as an award-winning filmmaker, Rees instills a cinematic sense of adventure and wonder into the personal and professional pursuits of his diverse roster of clients. Honoring the idea that The Greatest Art Form is Life Itself, Keylight’s poetic and powerful approach to self-development quickly unlocks clarity and creativity for uniquely inspired living.
