Michele DeJesus, PhD, NBC-HWC is a board-certified & Mayo Clinic-certified Health Coach and an ACE-certified Personal Trainer with a PhD, in Holistic Nutrition. She is the CEO of a 26-year coaching business, successfully guiding adults in transforming their health, fitness and weight loss.
After spending almost 30 years as a trainer and health coach focusing on weight loss & health, I find there are key issues affecting my clients’ success. And I want you and my clients to thrive. In a society that often portrays fitness, nutrition, and health behaviors as external goals to be achieved, I believe it's essential to embrace an approach that integrates these aspects into a woman's sense of self and wellness. Viewing health as something outside of oneself will only lead to feelings of failure and disconnection. Instead, I help my clients curate a lifestyle that aligns with their unique lives, personalities, values, and strengths.
3 saboteurs that affect our success
I’ve been coaching women in my generation (yes, I’m a Gen Xer) and older (Boomers) for some time. I’ve come to recognize 3 concepts, dare I say 3, generational mechanisms, that prevent midlife women from succeeding in their health & weight loss goals: perfectionism, all-or-nothing thinking, and self-sacrifice.
1. Perfectionism
Perfectionistic thinking, even when we’re not fully aware of it, can make us believe that if we can’t follow a plan perfectly, there’s no reason to start or keep going. When life happens and we can’t stick to the plan exactly as written, it can feel like we’ve missed the mark or let ourselves down. But progress, not perfection, is what truly leads to lasting change. Striving for perfection in every aspect of health leads to burnout and disappointment. When my client focuses on progress, not perfection, and celebrates small victories along the way, she is able to breathe, keep going, and reach her goals.
2. All-or-nothing thinking
A close companion to perfectionism is the ‘all-or-nothing’ mindset, which is the belief that if we can't perfectly do everything a diet or program prescribes, there's no use in trying at all. I encourage my clients to recognize this as a common but unsupportive way of thinking. In reality, research shows that small, manageable changes, consistently applied, lead to the most meaningful progress in health and weight loss. These gentle shifts, or '1-degree pivots,' are not only more sustainable but are more likely to become lifelong habits.
3. Self-sacrifice
This mindset, subtle yet powerful, has deeply shaped our generations. Many of us were raised to prioritize the needs of others, which, over time, can lead to sacrificing our own health, dreams, and choices for the sake of family, friends, and community. This way of thinking is often intertwined with complex emotions: guilt when we focus on ourselves, shame for considering our own needs, a sense of duty that tells us others rely on us, or fear of what others might think if we say 'no' or take time for ourselves. Recognizing these patterns with compassion is the first step toward honoring both ourselves and our relationships.
Embracing self-care as a 'both-and' rather than an 'either-or' approach to supporting both ourselves and others is a powerful step toward a vibrant midlife. What I’ve learned, and now share, is that midlife holds a unique and potentially transformative opportunity. It can be a time to reconnect with ourselves, deepen our care for others, and rekindle the passions or dreams we've set aside. This transformation becomes possible when we recognize the beliefs that hold us back and begin replacing them with a mindset of possibility and growth.
We start by mastering these 4 key principles for a healthy midlife
1. Self-awareness
Self-awareness is a gentle yet powerful foundation for lasting change. By becoming more attuned to our thoughts, habits, and motivations, we can begin to notice the patterns that shape our choices, especially when it comes to our health and weight goals. Simple practices like journaling, mindfulness, or connecting regularly with a coach or accountability partner can nurture this awareness, bringing hidden thoughts and triggers into the light. For example, recognizing when we might be eating emotionally or understanding why we missed a workout helps us meet these moments with compassion rather than frustration. This self-knowledge empowers us to make more intentional choices, seeing each step as a chance to grow. Over time, self-awareness builds resilience and kindness toward ourselves, making it easier to maintain healthy habits and approach setbacks with grace, fostering sustainable progress in our vibrant & healthy midlife journey.
2. Balance
Embrace a balance between caring for yourself and caring for others, making room for activities and foods that bring you joy while also supporting your health goals. Rather than following rigid rules that can lead to feelings of deprivation, try exploring small, positive changes that align with your strengths and values. These can become part of your daily life, helping you create habits that feel natural and fulfilling. By focusing on what truly resonates with you, self-care can become a source of joy, energy, and wellness.
3. Flexibility
Life is full of twists and turns, and our health routines can adjust to meet us where we are. Instead of aiming for perfection, we can embrace the idea of progress over perfection, knowing that every small step counts. By planning ahead, gathering tools and practices to support us during tougher times, leaning on family and friends, and being open to asking for help—or even working with a coach we set ourselves up for sustainable success. These compassionate approaches not only make healthy lifestyle changes more achievable but also help us stay motivated and resilient on our journey.
4. Self-compassion
Perhaps one of the most challenging principles to embrace is self-compassion. It means giving yourself the same kindness you’d show a friend when you’re facing a tough time, feeling down, or making a mistake. Instead of pushing through with a 'stiff upper lip' or succumbing to self-criticism, getting carried away by negative self-talk and emotions, self-compassion encourages us to pause, recognize the difficulty, and ask, 'What’s my next best step to take care of myself right now?' It also allows us to nurture the concept of radical self-responsibility, accepting our role in our self-care and our experience of the world around us and how we respond to it, and our ability to pivot and remedy the behavior. By practicing self-compassion, we feel more connected to others and see our ups and downs as part of the shared human experience.
For many years, I looked for solutions to my yo-yo dieting outside of myself: the next diet, the challenging exercise protocol, and the complicated meal planning. As I entered midlife, I decided to end that search and look inward. A vibrant and healthy midlife is an ‘inside game.’ It’s being willing to look at the internal, not just external, factors that are impacting our ability to take care of ourselves, reach our weight loss & health goals, and thrive in our communities. These 4 principles are foundational to our success. By integrating fitness, nutrition, health and cognitive behaviors, women can cultivate a holistic approach to our midlife health and experience that is sustainable, enjoyable, and empowering.
Read more from Michele DeJesus
Michele DeJesus, Health Coach/Weight Loss Specialist
Michele DeJesus, PhD, NBC-HWC is a board-certified & Mayo Clinic-certified Health Coach and an ACE-certified Personal Trainer with a PhD. in Holistic Nutrition. She is the CEO of a 26-year coaching business, successfully guiding adults in transforming their health, fitness and weight loss. Michele has been featured in the IDEA Health & Fitness online magazine as well as numerous television appearances speaking about fitness, weight loss and health. She is the host of the Facebook group, Midlife Confidence: Women Conquering Weight Loss and the creator of an online 12-week weight loss intensive for midlife women. Her mission is to support midlife women in creating their own health & wellness renaissance.
