Written by: Meredith Brough, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Are you hoping to be 100% prepared for parenthood and all of its challenges?
With piles of tasks to complete and volumes of information to digest, preparing for your baby’s arrival may be overwhelming at times. How do you prioritize what matters when you’ve never done this before? What do you need to know? You’ll find that some items take precedence while others must wait. It’s impossible to know all of the challenges to prepare for.
Sometime after your baby arrives, there will be matters that demand attention. You may find yourself obsessively searching for solutions on the internet. This may be a great way to learn and find helpful advice, but what you won’t find is the “big picture.” You need a deeper understanding of your baby’s nature and needs, as well as information about the common difficulties of postpartum. This knowledge will empower you and build your confidence as a parent. Your new perspective will help you avoid confusion, fear, frustration and prevent disconnecting from your child and your intuition. Parents claim that these 4 essential truths changed everything for them!
1. Babies are not alike!
Babies can be quite different from each other when it comes to their temperaments, or in other words, their behaviors and responses to the people and world around them.
Babies also have specific needs, just like children and adults.
If you were to observe a group of mothers caring for their newborn babies in a public setting, you might notice three very different scenarios playing out. One mother might be watching her baby peacefully drift off to sleep in the stroller. Another may be walking and bouncing her baby while he fusses, trying to get him to relax and fall asleep. A third mother may be saying goodbye as she rushes away in a frenzy. Finally, she might be hurrying home to preserve her baby’s nap.
Babies that fuss when they’re tired or fight their sleep might be harder to care for when it comes to sleeping. These babies may need the assistance of what other parents consider “crutches.” However, rocking, bouncing, feeding, and pacifiers are not crutches but survival tools for parents of sensitive and spirited babies.
Don’t worry about what other babies are doing or what their sleep is like. Instead, follow your parenting intuition to recognize and meet your little one’s unique needs.
2. Babies cannot comfort themselves when they don’t feel well.
Even babies who seem relaxed and laid back need their parents to help regulate their emotions when they aren’t feeling well or if they’re upset. Of course, the factors that may be upsetting and the level of stress each may tolerate will vary a great deal. But all babies and young children rely on their parents for emotional support at times until their brains are capable of self-regulation around 4-5 years old.
It’s important to be aware of this factor for these reasons.
a. When children grow and develop during the first few years, they will experience many painful and uncomfortable changes that could last for weeks at a time and cause sleep disruptions. Babies need their parents to support them by being understanding, comforting, and reassuring during these times.
b. “Self-soothing” is a phrase that you’ll hear often. For example, when babies fall asleep on their own and put themselves back to sleep, it’s called self-soothing. Of course, many parents want their babies to learn this skill, so they sleep through the night. But some babies may need a lot of patience and creativity from their parents in learning to fall asleep alone because of how upset they feel when they’re tired.
Sensitive babies will feel miserable when tiredness hits, especially if they reach overtiredness or have trouble falling asleep. These babies typically need their parents to hold them to calm them down. This requirement may make it very challenging to teach self-soothing to sensitive little ones using traditional methods since the goal is to get them to calm down and fall asleep without help.
Don’t push your sensitive child. If you focus on building your baby’s levels of security and trust, you will be able to deepen and improve sleep successfully. Also, if you consistently offer comfort when it's needed, your child will learn to feel better on their own.
3. Most newborns do not learn to sleep well on their own.
There are myths that people believe about young infants’ sleep, and the idea that they may learn to sleep well on their own is one of them. If you expect that newborns will typically teach themselves to take great naps or sleep through the night in their own beds, you’ll end up feeling frustrated or think you’re doing something wrong.
If you look online for polls about sleep deprivation, you’ll see how common it is to be sleep-deprived during the first year of parenthood. You’re not doing anything wrong if your child often wakes at night or enjoys cat naps. This is very normal. You should expect your child to have night awakenings for the first 2-3 years when they need comfort from you. Forget about long naps; infants will need naps that are 20-45 minutes in length until about four months old.
Young babies usually rely on their parents’ guidance to develop healthy sleep habits. That’s why there are countless baby sleep books, consultants, and courses available. However, this doesn’t mean that these sources have all the answers.
Sleep teaching may be very complicated for some babies. In addition, your child’s temperament might make progress challenging. Traditional methods are often ineffective for sensitive and spirited temperaments. You might not like some of these approaches, either. Sleep training rules may go against your instincts and your child’s needs. For these reasons, some people choose to co-sleep, while others hunt for middle ground methods like mine. You are the best judge of what is ideal for your family.
Some of the reasons below may cause sleep issues, too.
4. A few common problems could make parenthood very challenging.
Some health topics for babies and parents are important to learn about if you want to be prepared and ready to manage them. Of course, nobody wants extra challenges as they transition into parenthood, but these factors are important to learn about since they are common during the first few months or more.
a. Parents are often caught off guard by infant health problems that arise in the early months. Prepare yourself for health issues like feeding problems, reflux, food intolerances, allergies, oral ties, and colic. Often, these issues are related. Seek out doctors and experts who are knowledgeable on these issues to avoid working through them by yourself.
Find a doctor who will listen to you. Trust your intuition and seek out more than one opinion. Parents are usually right when they listen to their intuition.
b. It is common to suffer from postpartum depression and anxiety. Unfortunately, these conditions are underreported and often go untreated. Around 1 in 7 women develops postpartum depression, and 1 in 10 develops postpartum anxiety. It’s important to know that fathers may develop postpartum depression and anxiety, too. This occurs in about 5 to 10% of men. What experts call “baby blues” may become postpartum mental health disorders if they persist longer than 3 weeks. Professionals should always treat these with specialized training.
These postpartum disorders may develop or worsen anytime in the first year or so, especially if you are breastfeeding. Managing PPA and/or PPD when caring for a child will not be easy, so you’ll need extra support! There are helpful resources online like www.postpartum.net, which explain the red flags to watch for, offer 24-hour helplines, and have lists of trained therapists where you live. (Some red flags include not feeling like yourself and feeling constant worry and fear.)
Remember that sleep deprivation is the 1 factor that may cause or worsen postpartum mental health disorders. Resolving sleep deprivation is the 1 way to improve them.
c. Your child’s sleep may be greatly impacted by mental and physical development, growth, separation anxiety, and teething, depending on how sensitive they are. If your child’s sleep is frequently disrupted or they are demanding a lot of your energy, remember that they are not misbehaving, and you haven’t done anything wrong. There are reasons for poor sleep and clingy behavior. The chances are high that your child isn’t feeling well and needs your comfort.
Explore the italicized topics to understand what your child is going through. You’ll find the signs and causes of sleep regressions and more in my social media posts. Remember, when sleep changes suddenly, something is going on internally for your baby. Be responsive, comforting, and rely on natural remedies to bring relief to your child.
Continue to learn about development, parenting tools, and your child’s unique needs to prepare for upcoming challenges instead of feeling surprised and overwhelmed. You’ll gain confidence as a parent and find peace of mind as you trust your intuition, connect with your child, respond to their needs, and seek out support when you need it.
Meredith Brough, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Meredith Brough is an innovative entrepreneur who created a peaceful and compassionate approach to solving babies’ and young children’s sleep problems. She is a mother of five, a sleep coach, and a child-care expert. She is an expert on working with children’s unique temperaments, trusting intuition, and supporting babies and young children during sleep regressions. From the time her children were very young, she lovingly cared for several babies and toddlers in her home and developed an intuitive gift for peaceful sleep training.
After serving families for 15 years, a mother of two-month-old twins expressed heartfelt gratitude for Meredith’s “life-changing” work. This exchange inspired Meredith to become a sleep coach and create her company, “Sweet Slumber.” Now she instructs parents from all over the world through one-on-one coaching, her Successful Sleep programs, and Successful Sleep Membership Site. She also runs the Successful Sleep Facebook group, where thousands of women from more than 100 countries depend on her for solutions, insight, and encouragement. Meredith is the host of the podcast, “The Sweet Slumber Podcast: the Good, the Bad, and the Sleep Deprived.”
