Written by: Dianne McKim, Senior Level Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
I couldn’t stop ruminating over what she said to me. It hurt. It hurt deeply because this person was someone who was very close and someone who I thought supported and understood. Days, weeks, months, and even years went by, and that moment came back to my mind over and over again. I couldn’t seem to keep it away. Can you relate? Have you had someone say something that hurt you deeply? Have you had an experience at work or at home that rocked your core because it was so thoughtless or unkind? We all have had some moments like these, and then we struggle with the negative thoughts that follow. So, why do those negative thoughts take over, and why can’t we seem to overcome them for long?
It has been said that our brain naturally focuses on the negatives and problems. It can overestimate difficult situations and underestimate the opportunities that come in those situations.
“Negative stimuli produce more neural activity than do equally intense (e.g., loud, bright) positive ones. They are also perceived more easily and quickly. For example, people in studies can identify angry faces faster than happy ones; even if they are shown these images so quickly (just a tenth of a second or so) that they cannot have any conscious recognition of them, the ancient fight-or-flight limbic system of the brain will still get activated by the angry faces.” (https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/your-wise-brain/201010/confronting-thenegativity-bias)
In addition, negative emotions reside in our long-term memory more easily than positive emotions. I recall a counselor one time saying it takes 5 positive comments to outweigh 1 negative! And I am sure for some of us, it takes even more!
So now, what do we do with all the negatives? How do we turn them around to positives?
You have more control over this than you may realize. Here are a few ways you can reset your mind to focus on the positives.
1. Choose – you can choose which situations to engage in and which to walk away from. Evaluate before you respond or react and think about the long-term effects.
2. Reframe – your thoughts do not have to take you down a bleak trail. Look for what you can learn and how you can grow from what happened.
3. Acknowledge – recognizing and naming your emotions can actually help you. Saying them out loud to yourself can actually take some of the stings away and keep you from leaning so heavily into the negative.
I had to do these things to help myself overcome the rehashing of the hurt I experienced. I chose not to engage in the negative comment and get into a conflict over it. I reframed the situation and realized this person didn’t have all the facts. I acknowledged my hurt and allowed myself to heal.
Please know, you really can choose. It may take practice, practice, practice, but over time you will be amazed at the benefits you get keeping yourself from ruminating and replaying the negatives over and over again. So much better than drowning in those negatives… Reframe the situation and experience more positive emotions, feel better overall and get along better with others.
Sustaining this kind of change can be very difficult to do on your own. It has been proven that working with a coach provides the help you need to sustain that reset mindset.
If you are ready to shift from negative thinking to a positive mindset, reach out to me at Dianne@PreciousStonesCoaching.com.
Want to learn more from Dianne? Follow her on Facebook, Instagram, Linkedin and visit her website.
Dianne McKim, Senior Level Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
A Certified Career, Leadership, and Life Coach, Workshop Facilitator, Author, Speaker, and Guest Interviewee, Dianne McKim has the professional training, personal experiences, and knowledge to help clients successfully grow and thrive.
Dianne enjoyed a long and impactful career in Corporate America, successfully leading teams, influencing peers, mentoring team members, and interacting at all corporate levels (including C Levels). During that time, she developed strong relationships with executives, management, peers, and team members, allowing her to successfully spearhead major projects while negotiating, and navigating bureaucracy.
This wasn't always the way, however. Dianne is an abusive relationship survivor, who navigated through a long and difficult divorce, which resulted in her running a household, working full time the whole time, and raising children as a single mom for 14 years. She dealt with family issues, job losses and job searches, loss of relationships, a lack of confidence, and very low self-esteem.
Over time, Dianne rebuilt her life, rediscovering herself and strengthening her confidence. As she did, she learned how to stand strong in her abilities, understand her value and embrace her identity. As her confidence grew, she discovered how to have professional success, personal contentment, and spiritual fulfillment.
Dianne has taken all that she learned, along with her unparalleled ability and deep care and compassion for others and began Precious Stones Coaching. Her coaching style is inviting, understanding, and encouraging with just the right amount of leadership, guidance, and accountability to help her clients focus on their priorities and accomplish their goals. Dianne wholeheartedly commits to helping her clients achieve and fulfill their calling, purpose, and destiny.
